How To Say No

Leave a reply

You thought I was going to give you some clever way to get your stalker to take a hint, but I have something better: how to say no the easy way. It’s not about political correctness, being brought up a certain way, not wanting to hurt feelings or any of that garbage – it’s a lack of conviction.

Everything we do is a function of time. When you say YES to someone/something, you’re saying NO to someone/something else.

Sounds simple, but we rarely look at life this way. I’ve written more than I care to admit about only dealing with high interest level women, but this goes beyond mere dating – it should be applied to every decision you make. Every YES is a NO in disguise. By saying NO to people or activities you feel are wasting your time, you are saying YES to self respect. The caveat of course is to replace this NO with a YES that’s superior, and that’s the crux of self improvement.

Once you begin making adjustments on this ‘return on investment’ fact alone, you’ll see how emotionally detached you become, and logical decisions often require detachment. You’ll no longer feel like you’re letting someone down. It’s nothing personal – you just have better shit to do.

I’m going to keep this brief because it requires no further explanation. Follow this creed and decisions become easy.

Victory Through Psychological Warfare

Leave a reply

Make no mistake, as a man the laws are stacked against you. At least in Western society you are – by default – guilty until proven innocent. In a feminist state where manginas amend laws to appease the unappeasable in hopes of sexual reciprocation (although I doubt why anyone would want to stick their tool in these ‘women’), the only path to justice is psychological warfare, aka dominance.

Alphas are forgiven and rewarded. Betas are lambs to the slaughter.

You can observe this simple truth every day. The exact same things said and done by men perceived as alpha may raise a couple eyebrows but are either accepted or quickly forgiven, while so much as a word of protest from a beta will have him ostracized or publicly humiliated. On the surface it doesn’t make sense, but a deeper inspection will reveal a truth common to both sexes: the highly valued among us can get away with more. A simple illustration, if you will:

If you’re beta and you smack a girl, you’re going to jail.

If you’re alpha and you smack a girl, she’ll fuck your brains out.

See: Rihanna.

I’m not advocating physical abuse beyond playful hitting or rough sex, but I never said the truth would be pretty either. This trickles down into every interaction if you just open your eyes. Give a finger and they’ll take your arm and still want more, so play smart and keep the initiative. Here are some things you can do starting right now:

  1. Cover your ass. Especially on first dates or any one night stand where alcohol may be involved, make sure you have evidence on the off chance there’s any regret on her part. Text messages are best. Also, don’t do anything too stupid. I recently had a one night stand where the girl literally wanted me to bruise her up. In my mind I’m thinking hell no, so I just told her ‘maybe when I get to know you better’, got confirmation that she had fun on the date the next day, and never spoke to her again. You don’t need drama like that.
  2. Don’t be apologetic. While there’s a time and place for saying sorry, it’s extremely rare and in most cases a sign of weakness rather than an honest admission of wrongdoing. The moment you start apologizing is the moment you signal to her that you’re willing to be taken advantage of. If you fucked up, tell her it wasn’t your intention to hurt her and don’t do it again, but the more you apologize for your natural masculine state, the less she’ll respect you.
  3. Enter with boldness and ‘cover’ mistakes with more boldness. Corollary to the above, a wrong decision is better than no decision. I’m sure you’ve heard ‘fortune favors the bold’. You’re still human and you’re going to make mistakes, but your strength as a man is your ability to press on regardless, to make a choice and stick to it. If you do something that causes an unfavorable outcome, oh well. Indecision will lead to a life of perpetual misery, but a bunch of wrong decisions will teach, instill the proper mindset, and eventually bring about enough right ones to make the journey worthwhile.
  4. Don’t give away your cards. Tease, evade, obfuscate. Don’t ever say exactly what you think, do, or plan to do. Women are masters at this as they come with a pre-installed hamster on roids - they can essentially lie without even realizing it. Men are a little more handicapped so training is required, but once you apply this concept just a little you’ll begin to see the power it brings.
  5. Worry about yourself first and foremost. The world doesn’t give a shit about you. Everyone is out for themselves. All love is conditional – even your family and whatever higher power you believe in have their respective requirements. As a result, take care of numero uno because ultimately, no one else will. This isn’t morbid, it’s just a statement of fact. By all means give your heart and your time to those who deserve it and try to make the world a better place, but realize that people love, respect, and bestow power on those who look after themselves. In a sense, narcissism acts as a mirror to those around us – we see someone preoccupied with themselves and we can’t help but give them more attention because we want to be like that and hope it’ll rub off.

Wage war in the only way that makes sense today: covertly.

Television Conflicts With Self Improvement

6 Replies

Spending any time watching TV is highly antithetical to self improvement. This is geared towards men. Yes it’s useless for both genders, but women aren’t society builders. Their worth is derived primarily from their sexiness, so if they want to waste all their free time not associated with becoming prettier on utterly worthless ‘entertainment’, they have my permission. Finding an attractive, feminine woman who reads books for example (50 Shades doesn’t count) is like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. Men – on the other hand – are ranked on aggregate achievement so time is exponentially more important.

The other night I was hanging out with my – well, by now it’s been a few months so we’ll say she’s my non-exclusive pseudo-girlfriend (#54 that is) – and we decided to have a night in as we both had a long day. The usual drinks in hand, we consumed, watched a movie, and then got to talking as she put on some dating show. This was my first time viewing anything on TV other than sports (my bar is a semi-sports pub) in over 5 years and I immediately wanted to break the set. It was that vapid. For kicks, we cycled through a few shows until I made her put some music on instead, but in those 10-20 minutes I realized exactly how mind-numbing TV is. At least video games force interaction and can (arguably) improve memorization and organizational skills. I told her then and there I’ll gladly spoon her to a good movie, but I will never watch a TV show.

Name one non-educational program – anything – where you walk away a little better than before. I felt completely empty afterwards. I literally learned nothing and felt the same way as when I’ve gone on a date and it flopped. In contrast, sitting there talking about our past, opening up, and throwing back a couple shots was incomparably more fruitful.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been out of the ‘TV scene’ for so long, but even when I watched it I felt restless. In general, if you’re a man – stop watching TV. Just stop it. Find something else. Almost anything is going to be more productive (and fun). And if you’re with a woman who spends hours every day in front of the flat screen, you may want to reconsider your relationship. A couple shows here and there is fine, but if it’s digging into your time together, you have a problem.

The only possible justifications for watching TV are:

  1. Truly educational shows – sparingly. You can watch these while you eat, but even then only for specific reasons or if it’s really that interesting. There are very few like this. Most still give you 5 minutes of knowledge, 15 minutes of commercials, and 40 minutes of fluff. You’ll learn more in that same 5 minutes scanning Wikipedia.
  2. Movies. Doesn’t really count as TV because more thought goes into them and some provide valuable life lessons. At the very least DVR it so you can skip commercials.
  3. Educational shows for children – sparingly. Again, use with extreme caution. It can be tempting to shut your kid up for some ‘you time’, but that’s how ADHD and other ‘disorders’ come about – kids are built to run around all day until the fuel runs out, stuff something down their throat, and go back outside. That’s how you grow up unmedicated normal.
  4. Niche reasons. When I came stateside as a little boy (I’m European for those who don’t know), I had to learn American. Batman, Spiderman, and X-Men were my teachers of choice.

Do yourself a favor and go cold turkey, pronto. If there’s a show you can’t detach from, wait until the season is over, download it, and watch the whole thing as a single movie. Doing so will save you time now and help you realize how little you actually missed. Go make some money, work out, or mack on cuties instead – they’re all more worthwhile.

Facebook Game Tips

2 Replies

A few months ago I wrote about Facebook photo structuring for maximum pickup success. FB game is its own animal and relies heavily on real life social proof. Fortunately, much like a ‘fake it til you make it’ approach works in everyday environments, becoming pseudo-famous on FB requires a similar approach. Reader feedback generated some valid questions, so here are some additional game tips in no particular order:

  1. Pics with girls can send off a player vibe – is this bad? Definitely not. The game is a numbers game and while you can’t catch them all, you want to attract the majority and repel the minority. The pros gained from verifiable social proof (cute girls tagged in your photos) far outweigh the cons of being labeled a ‘player’ by a few prudes. Preselection trumps all – women want who other women want. It’s also important to stay congruent with your goals. If you just want to bang a bunch of hot chicks, there’s no reason to hide it. You don’t overtly say it of course, but your actions – manifest in the photos you post – will speak for themselves.
  2. How do you structure messages? Typical messages are ‘hey’, ‘what’s up’, ‘how are you’, or some combination thereof, i.e. ‘hey how are you’. In my experience this is sufficient. A witty line or some attempt at circumventing a boring message in order to initiate a conversation often does more harm than good. If a girl accepts your friend request, checks out your profile, and likes what she sees, she’ll respond. If she doesn’t, it’s not the content of your message – she’s just not interested. When women open me (sadly they’re not all supermodels), they often say the exact same things, so keep it simple. You can then ask what she’s up to, where she goes out, what she does for fun – basically anything to begin threading.
  3. Should you ever ‘like’ pics/status updates? ‘Likes’ are to be used sparingly. In general, I only ‘like’ a photo or status if a) that girl and I have some history and b) we haven’t talked in a while and I want her to think about me again. Occasionally I’ll ‘like’ an update of a girl I’m dating to let her know I’m thinking about her, but this gets into a bit of relationship management. The general rule of thumb is: if a pretty girl posts a bunch of pictures regularly for attention and gets tons of ‘likes’ as is, she doesn’t need yours. Don’t be another orbiter.
  4. What kind of comments should you make (if any)? Comments are your bread and butter. This is your chance to flex your social bicep and post backhanded compliments, negs as necessary, puns, and generally set yourself apart from the others. Don’t become a ‘regular’ on any girl’s wall, but practice your social skills randomly. Even then it’s still time consuming and I typically only comment in response to my own status updates. This sets the frame – if you come post on my wall, I’ll reply, otherwise you won’t get any attention from me.
  5. What do you do when dating multiple girls on FB? With enough effort you’re likely to begin banging casually dating several girls – all of whom are Facebook friends with you. This can start some serious drama, so it’s best to avoid posting additional photos of you and other girls 1-on-1 once it begins. By all means post group photos (let’s say a couple cute girls with their arms around you, with whom you’re platonic), but be careful about what you put out in the open once sex is involved. A girl I’ve been dating non-exclusively for a few months now has questioned me multiple times about 1 photo with me and a couple girls I know. Women get crazy jealous. You want a little jealous, not crazy jealous.
  6. What kind of status updates should I post? That’s up to you, but I urge you to avoid posting completely useless crap. DO NOT post any of the following: memes, pics of food, pics of alcoholic beverages, what music you’re listening to, anything with a hashtag (#), any kind of angry/depressed updates, and most importantly do not post when you’ve been drinking. DO post anything that raises your value. I usually post once a day to get some major ‘likes’ (it’s retarded but it makes you look important). Got a sick new car? Post pics. On a killer vacation? Post pics. Have some ‘revelation of the day’ that happens to be a universal truth? Post it. Have a fun night feeling like a king surrounded by groupies? Post, post, post.

Whatever you do, realize that Facebook, just like Plenty Of Fish, Tinder, Twitter, OkCupid, and other websites are major buffers. Treat them as additional tools in conjunction with ‘real life’ approaching, but they are not replacements. More often than not they end up being major distractions. Online game misses the finesse of presentation, body language, on the spot decision making, social skills, and so on. For the most part, I recommend a ‘set and forget’ approach. You can send a few messages from time to time and show interest in whatever way is appropriate for that platform, but if you spend more than 15 minutes/day doing it, you’re wasting time.

Feel free to contact me if you have additional questions.

How To Get Over Your Ex

9 Replies

So you managed to snag a cutie, commit, and have some semblance of a relationship. Somewhere along the way things started going south. The sex became a little duller each time, the frequency dropped, the arguments started, and you had an uneasy gut feeling that something just wasn’t right. Before you know it, it’s over and you’re left high and dry.

Dramatic, short lived relationships are more prevalent among the younger crowd – before the naivete is beaten out of you – but no one is immune to the heartache. Dealing with the aftermath is tough, but it’s also a great opportunity to grow. In fact, it’s one of the best times to make positive, life altering changes, to let go of bad habits and start building good ones. You have a chance based on real life experience to analyze what happened, look inside yourself, and come out a better, stronger, more driven person.

While this is primarily aimed at men, female readers can learn a few things as well. The obvious byproduct of a breakup is (a lot) more free time. Take some of this time and consider the following, in no particular order:

  1. It’s not the end of the world. Young men in particular seem to think life as they know it is over when a girl dumps them. It’s not, but it is a leading cause of suicides. Adolescent years are the most volatile – I know, I’ve cried my heart out over a girl as a teenager – so if you fit in this category, do yourself a favor and let time do its thing. This storm will pass and a few years later you’ll laugh at how silly the whole thing was. Parents – telling a teen to be ‘less dramatic’ is an exercise in futility. Support them by lending an ear only when they want to talk and above all, keep them safe. They’ll figure out the rest on their own.
  2. Everything ends. Not a morbid statement, just a fact. We’re all born alone, and we all die alone. Relationships can start and end for any reason at any time. Marriage, children, love – none of these are guarantees of a fulfilling existence. With experience, you’ll create your own philosophies and realize when a relationship has run its course. It may sting a little, but thank whoever you believe in for the good times and move on. Loss is a natural part of life.
  3. Reasons for the breakup are relevant. It’s important to take a step back and see what you did right/wrong, what she did right/wrong, what was good, bad, and ugly about your time together, at what point it started a steady decline (often caused by a recovering beta who was alpha enough during the initial seduction but reverted to his old ways), and what was the nail in the coffin. Why? So you can avoid as much of this as possible with the next girl.
  4. Reasons for the breakup are irrelevant. Contradictory to the above, the reasons for the breakup don’t change what happened. It’s over and it’s time to move on. Once you’ve gleaned what lessons there were, there’s no reason to dwell on it in hopes of extracting additional knowledge. There’s only so much you can take away before diminishing returns kick in, so start applying what you learned.
  5. Why do you want/need a relationship at this moment? During my late teens/early 20′s, I was a serial monogamist. I couldn’t stand being alone – I felt ‘incomplete’. This was a silly notion, but in retrospect it took quite a few relationships for me to realize that a woman will never make me happy. I have to make me happy. She can add to it, sure, but she can’t be the source. If she is, you have some serious work to do on yourself first. As long as you focus on becoming a high value man, there will be no shortage of women in your life.
  6. Was it really all that good? One of the insidious side effects of pair bonding is an unhealthy embellishment of the facts. She seems prettier than she is, the sex ‘more amazing’ that it is, major red flags are swept under the rug, and everything positive is blown out of proportion while the negative is conveniently ignored. But was it really that great and did you have anything/anyone to compare her to? Be honest with yourself.
  7. Did you enjoy getting used to each other? Complacency is the kiss of death for relationships, personal development, and any sort of self improvement, yet look at how many couples get ‘fat and happy’ together. Both stop exercising because there’s ‘no one to impress’ (I was guilty of this), men stop going out with their friends and slowly revert to a scarcity mindset, women start wearing sweats and forget what ‘getting ready’ means, mundane routines scheduled around her favorite TV shows take over, and there’s no mystery left. Even the bathroom door is left open.

Once you’ve digested that, here are some steps you can take to get over her:

  1. Realize it’s over and there’s no going back, ever. A breakup is a serious thing. It’s not a ‘big fight’, it’s the end. People typically get back together because they don’t have better options, are afraid to be on their own for a while, or due to some financial consideration. Women are pretty good at monkey branching, so it’s often the man who wants her back (or doesn’t want to let her go). It might be hard for a while, but the more you keep denying finality the longer you’ll be miserable. IT’S OVER.
  2. Be tough about no contact. First, there’s a good chance you’ll be highly tempted to call/text/schedule a platonic get together bitch session. Don’t. Find something else to do – anything – but be true to yourself about maintaining no contact. Delete her number, unfriend/block on Facebook, whatever you have to do. The longer you stay in touch, the worse it’ll be. You might (and this is rare) be cordial acquaintances years down the road and if that wishful thinking does the trick then great, but for now no contact = NO CONTACT. Second, after the breakup there’s a 99% chance she’ll have a WTF moment when she realizes you went cold turkey, so guess what she’ll do? That’s right, she’s going to contact you. Don’t answer. DO NOT ANSWER. You will only drag out the pain and she’s sadistic enough to put you through it. Women don’t fully realize the effect this has on heartbroken betas, so go tryhard mode and pretend she never called. Not answering will speed up the healing process. Answering will slow it down. Simple, right?
  3. There’s no reason for ‘closure’. To expound on the above, girls love to get ‘closure’. They want to walk away knowing – with 100% certainty – that they made the right decision by leaving you. That’s how her hamster works. Whatever your transgressions may have been, don’t give her this victory. Leave with your head held high regardless of how shitty you feel. NO talking about feelings, NO talking about still being friends, NO talking at all. If she dumped you despite your goodwill, this is your revenge part 1 (part 2 is becoming a better man than she ever dated). You already got closure – the breakup.
  4. Give it time. Once it happens, you’ll want to get over it right away – or as quickly as possible. I have some bad news. Depending on the length, severity, and other factors, the process of letting go can take quite a while. Some people who have been exclusive for decades never recover from their loss. Hopefully it’s only been a few months or a couple years for you or you’re so fed up that you can’t wait to say good riddance. My last 1.5 year LTR took a few months of pouting, several rebound fucks, and a couple casual relationships to get over. In other words, it’s gonna be a minute. There are plenty of things you can do in the interim to accelerate this change, but past a certain point it really is a matter of time.
  5. Think about what you missed out on during the relationship. It’s important to think positive. You’re alive. There are tons of women (most likely hotter) out there for the taking. You can now do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want. Think about everything you gave up during the relationship. I’m not just talking about sex with other women, but time with friends, your hobbies, maybe your dreams, and likely a part of your identity. Now go get it back and never let another relationship put you in the same position.
  6. Lift/run/get your body right. Raise your hand if you and/or your girlfriend porked out a few months after ‘the talk’. It’s a common occurrence but there’s nothing good about it. Fitness is a lifestyle. You do have someone to impress and guess what – it’s not your girlfriend. Furthermore, if you’re in shape and she was too but now got fat, that’s reason enough to bounce if she didn’t take multiple hints. It’s the second worst form of disrespect toward a man (next to cuckolding). Get back in the gym, get your body right, commit to keeping it right, and expect nothing less from women you date in the future. Training is therapeutic on many levels. It’s incredible for anger/sadness management. It gets your mind off her for a while. You’ll feel an order of magnitude better – even if temporarily – after a good night with the iron, and if you’re constantly depressed it’ll work wonders to help you snap out of it.
  7. Work more/get a second job. You need to keep your mind occupied as it’s going to be your worst enemy for a while. It’s easy to mope around with all this ‘free’ time you now have. First bonus: you’ll make more money to help generate wealth faster. While I don’t advocate working for work’s sake, this is an exception. Get a job where you interact with attractive women if possible. Second bonus: even if you’re in the dumps, having hot chicks in your vicinity is proven to make you feel better. Biology is a beautiful thing.
  8. Force yourself to be social. This is a tough one. The most common response to a breakup – particularly one you didn’t want – is to retreat from society and turn to mindless entertainment. While this will help pass the time, it’ll hurt you in the long run. Force yourself to be social. This doesn’t mean hitting the bar every night, but reconnect with some friends, go to events, pick up hobbies you dropped (or try new ones), basically anything that puts you in a group with other people. You don’t have to do this often – once or twice a week is sufficient to keep you from obsessing over your predicament. Who knows, you might meet a hottie and forget all about your ex.
  9. Force yourself to talk to cute girls. Part of getting the second job (or putting in extra shifts) and becoming more social – aside from staying productive – is to desensitize yourself to your ex via introduction to multiple attractive women. Regardless of our status, men see a hot piece of ass and want it. All of us. So by surrounding yourself with hot pieces of ass, your special snowflake ex won’t seem so special anymore. Also, because it’s a numbers game, talking to enough cute girls is likely to lead to:
  10. Get a rebound (or several). What’s better than pussy? New pussy. The quickest way to get over your ex is to bang it out with one or more girls who are prettier. This may not always be possible so don’t worry if your one night stands are a point or two lower – just don’t dumpster dive. Better yet, it’s a special type of revenge. It happened to me once. I got over one of my ex’s quick and one day she showed up – unannounced – to ‘grab something she forgot’ only to find my (significantly hotter) rebound in a bikini on my couch (we just got back from the pool). She didn’t say much there, but I could see the disdain in her eyes. Shortly after she nearly kicked down my door in the middle of the night because my quick turnaround pissed her off something awful. It was sweeter than any ‘fuck you’ I could have said.
  11. Stay away from drugs. Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol or other substances. Have a few drinks, sure, but if you waste your newfound single time becoming a worse person, she won. I’ve given you plenty of things to stay occupied and come out ahead, so this is a no-brainer.
  12. Enjoy the single life for a while (or for a long time). The best realization – for me anyway – came after my last serious relationship ended almost 5 years ago. I decided to remain single (non-exclusive) while becoming a high value man. I do want another serious relationship, but not until I’m ready for children. Until then it’s dating, dating, and more dating. As a result, I’ve 1) gotten laid with way more, hotter women than I thought possible at the time, 2) was able to slowly but surely invest most of the money I would have spent on useless crap, which is speeding up my early ‘semi-retirement’, 3) made fitness a lifestyle – forever, and 4) become a lot tougher on myself and the women I date in terms of what I’ll put up with. Sure I’ve lost some ‘good ones’ along the way, but there will be plenty more around the corner. So take the time and think if you really need, or even want a relationship right now. Think of the possibilities of staying single for a while (especially through your 20′s) and you may have a revelation.

Make a commitment to yourself to become a certain type of man no matter what. This is called building your life how you want. It’s a slow, methodical process and you’re responsible for all of it. If she left you, make her regret it (she will) by becoming a better man she’ll ever be with. You don’t need to tell or show – don’t worry she’ll find out anyway. However, by the time it happens you’ll be over her, have much more attractive and compatible women vying for your attention, and kick yourself a little for not letting go sooner.