A little over a month ago I decided to take a somewhat indifferent approach to game. I’d like to say that I did a 180 and expended 0 effort, but that simply wasn’t the case as habits take time to change. In no particular order, here are some observations from the month and future calibration:
- Stopped adding and messaging girls on Facebook and a few of them added me. Only one add resulted in a lay, but that’s beside the point. I’m now back to adding and sending a ‘hey what’s up message’ the following day, but I’ve toned down the number of requests to ~5/day. I also have a few mutual friends with almost 5000 friends (promoters mainly) so it’s a one stop shop. It’s a very small time investment with the possibility of a nice payoff. If not, at least I initiated conversation and now can play the passive game where my updates show up on their timeline and spark interest in some cases. That’s the real reason. I also cleaned up my photos getting rid of unnecessary clutter, tweaked privacy settings to entice girls to add me (before my profile was almost entirely public so there was no reason), and de-friended all ex’s and a few suspect fanboys.
- Stopped messaging girls on POF. I would still log in from time to time and get the typical fatties wanting to meet and opening me. Contrast this with searching, messaging (with no way of telling who you already messaged other than memory), and getting progressively lower conversions of return messages > phone numbers > actual dates. Maybe I haven’t hit the sweet spot yet, but in the years I spent on POF (at least in my area), it hasn’t been worth it. I got some great lays and briefly dated a couple girls, but the ROI isn’t there. Think of it this way – if you were a
high qualityhot girl, would you really be on POF looking for anything other than validation on nights you’re not out?
- Got two new lays, which is about right for me in any given month at this point (a new girl every other week). I realized that my notch count is directly proportional to time spent in the physical presence of women, particularly at night; obvious, I know. The past month I’ve been out of town with family, got sick with the weather change, and have generally been spending less time out and about. I don’t see myself out drinking every night, but as I pick up hours bartending this will change.
- Dealt with flaky behavior from several girls, even #49 despite solid Facebook message game. The others I de-friended (both from Facebook) and stopped all contact. As a result, I’ve become a lot less tolerant of any flakiness, low interest, cold feet, whatever you want to call it. Waste my time and I’ll never talk to you again. Unless you show up naked.
- Due to being sick and out of town, I had more time for introspection and long term goal setting, which I can’t stress enough. Although there is a balance between planning and execution, without a very specific plan of how you want your life to shape, you’ll be spinning your wheels executing the wrong things.
So it wasn’t a huge shift, but I did learn. Perhaps I’ll do a formal challenge of some sort, but the main goal was to focus more on self-improvement. The common theme you’ll find here is that ‘passive game’ – becoming a high value man – is the ideal state. Getting women to come to you is by no means easy or quick, but on a long enough timeline it trumps spending all your livelihood chasing the next skirt.