Monthly Archives: November 2012

30 Days of Indifference – Observations

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A little over a month ago I decided to take a somewhat indifferent approach to game. I’d like to say that I did a 180 and expended 0 effort, but that simply wasn’t the case as habits take time to change. In no particular order, here are some observations from the month and future calibration:

  1. Stopped adding and messaging girls on Facebook and a few of them added me. Only one add resulted in a lay, but that’s beside the point. I’m now back to adding and sending a ‘hey what’s up message’ the following day, but I’ve toned down the number of requests to ~5/day. I also have a few mutual friends with almost 5000 friends (promoters mainly) so it’s a one stop shop. It’s a very small time investment with the possibility of a nice payoff. If not, at least I initiated conversation and now can play the passive game where my updates show up on their timeline and spark interest in some cases. That’s the real reason. I also cleaned up my photos getting rid of unnecessary clutter, tweaked privacy settings to entice girls to add me (before my profile was almost entirely public so there was no reason), and de-friended all ex’s and a few suspect fanboys.
  2. Stopped messaging girls on POF. I would still log in from time to time and get the typical fatties wanting to meet and opening me. Contrast this with searching, messaging (with no way of telling who you already messaged other than memory), and getting progressively lower conversions of return messages > phone numbers > actual dates. Maybe I haven’t hit the sweet spot yet, but in the years I spent on POF (at least in my area), it hasn’t been worth it. I got some great lays and briefly dated a couple girls, but the ROI isn’t there. Think of it this way – if you were a high quality hot girl, would you really be on POF looking for anything other than validation on nights you’re not out?
  3. Got two new lays, which is about right for me in any given month at this point (a new girl every other week). I realized that my notch count is directly proportional to time spent in the physical presence of women, particularly at night; obvious, I know. The past month I’ve been out of town with family, got sick with the weather change, and have generally been spending less time out and about. I don’t see myself out drinking every night, but as I pick up hours bartending this will change.
  4. Dealt with flaky behavior from several girls, even #49 despite solid Facebook message game. The others I de-friended (both from Facebook) and stopped all contact. As a result, I’ve become a lot less tolerant of any flakiness, low interest, cold feet, whatever you want to call it. Waste my time and I’ll never talk to you again. Unless you show up naked.
  5. Due to being sick and out of town, I had more time for introspection and long term goal setting, which I can’t stress enough. Although there is a balance between planning and execution, without a very specific plan of how you want your life to shape, you’ll be spinning your wheels executing the wrong things.

So it wasn’t a huge shift, but I did learn. Perhaps I’ll do a formal challenge of some sort, but the main goal was to focus more on self-improvement. The common theme you’ll find here is that ‘passive game’ – becoming a high value man – is the ideal state. Getting women to come to you is by no means easy or quick, but on a long enough timeline it trumps spending all your livelihood chasing the next skirt.

Monogamy Is Unnatural

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Strict monogamy among humans is unnatural. By unnatural, I mean we’re not biologically predisposed to stay with one partner permanently, and certainly not without deviation. Whether that means bachelorhood, serial monogamy, or a little something on the side, one thing is clear – both men and women want to spread their genes as best possible.

For men, this is fairly obvious. With the minimal time/energy expenditure and low cost of sperm, males are more than willing to spread their seed if circumstances allow. This ranges from staying single and banging it out with as many attractive women as possible to an occasional slip up in a committed relationship. Although it may be an oversimplification, if she’s hot + circumstances are favorable + risk is perceived to be acceptable = sex takes place.

For women, it’s a bit trickier. Due to the higher cost of eggs and possible repercussions of copulation (pregnancy), they have to be a little more discriminate about choosing partners for specific roles, as well as keeping it on the DL. Ideally she secures a man who is both high value genetically and high value parentally, without subsequently meeting a superior male in either group. Unfortunately these rarely coexist and so we end up with the more common occurrence of ‘alpha fucks, beta bucks’ – the man she stays with day in and day out isn’t necessarily (and often times isn’t) the same man she wants to be fertilized by.

With DNA testing available for the past decade, we’re seeing more and more science confirming that people aren’t strictly monogamous (and neither are any other animals). While there’s no definitive answer on exactly what we are yet, the current theory consistently validated is that we’re some combination of both – monogamous for ‘bursts’ at a time.

If monogamy was natural, laws promoting it and abhorring the alternatives wouldn’t exist.

Throughout history monogamous institutions such as marriage served other purposes, namely protection against excommunication and harm, estate planning, wealth transfer, maintaining status through lineage, and establishing peace between warring factions through bloodline exchange. It was also (arguably) necessary for the cohesive development of larger societies, as harem keeping to the exclusion of beta men wouldn’t result in their contribution. The list is fairly long, but it made practical sense to remain socially monogamous. Sexual monogamy, on the other hand, has been the subject of woeful tales since scrolls existed.

From a biological standpoint, we all want our genes mixed with the best genes attainable and propagated in the most successful and plentiful way possible.

And this is where conflict occurs. Men and women in relationships, statistically speaking, settle. So when a higher quality prospect comes along (one with better genetics) and circumstances are favorable, infidelity often occurs. This can be guarded against to a degree: wives moving their husbands out to the suburbs, husbands promoting stay at home wives, both getting anxious when the other works with members of the opposite sex, and so on.

But if the mate guarding slips and the opportunity is there, it takes massive restraint to hold back. Again – if monogamy was the default mode and all else an aberration, the problem wouldn’t exist.

This isn’t to say that monogamy is bad or promiscuity is good – after all certain human tendencies are antisocial and have laws condoning them – but the point is that committing to one person for a life term isn’t our natural state of being; it’s a socially enforced institution. This is why it’s portrayed as a struggle in all forms of literature, entertainment, conversation, and everyday life.

Part of taking the red pill is a realization that our actions are still largely influenced by biological processes that we’re only now beginning to understand. Despite the notion that we’re beings of higher consciousness who transcend crude animal instincts, our lives tell a different story.

What’s really interesting is how society will shape in the coming decade. For the first time in history we live in a period of general prosperity where practical reasons for monogamy are fading. While I do believe that love, pair-bonding, relationships, and getting closer and more comfortable with a particular individual will always have its place (for reasons unbeknownst to us as of yet – perhaps this is the existence of the human soul), the science of what happens behind the scenes will become more apparent.

But brief delays are best: fondness fades with time,
love vanishes with absence, and new love appears.
When Menelaus left, Helen did not lie alone,
Paris, the guest, at night, was taken to her warm breast.
What craziness was that, Menelaus? You left
wife and guest alone under the same roof.
Madman, would you trust timid doves to a hawk?
Would you trust the full fold to a mountain wolf?
Helen did not sin: her lover committed none:
what you, what anyone would do, he did.

-Ovid, The Art of Love

Be Thankful For Your Reality Check

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Upon this universal day of thanking, those seeking the truth of male/female interactions are especially blessed. Critics of game and general enlightenment claim that seeking such knowledge is waste of time and if you just be yourself everything will fall into place, you’ll eventually meet someone who understands you, won’t try to extract resources, and so on. This is the biggest danger of all. Lives are destroyed daily (literally) from a misunderstanding of inter-gender relationships.

The particularly unfortunate lose most of their life savings, have their children taken away, are locked up, and sometimes die – whether by their own hand or someone else’s. You may question the time investment, feeling like you’re spending too much chasing tail or seeking these dark truths rather than doing something more productive  - like building wealth. While this is true, it’s a matter of degree.

What good are millions if you still fall victim to a woman (or women) particularly good at getting their way?

What good are millions if you use it to buy your relationships, to purchase a trophy wife who secretly despises you and still has a little something on the side?

A woman I recently slept with had her share of fancy vacations. One of her ‘regulars’ is a fairly well-off beta – Murciélago and all – who, according to her, ‘sucks at everything else’. What kind of life is that? That’s not to say that pursuits of self-improvement are secondary, quite the opposite, but failing to learn the fundamentals of what we do and why we do it will cause plenty of heartache, bitterness, and loss of time, money, and enthusiasm about life.

I’m thankful I bailed on my last LTR a few years back. It was getting rocky and she was pushing marriage in a last ditch effort for security. That was the second time I dodged a bullet. I was in my early 20s and there’s no reason why I should hamstring my rise to power development as a man for some girl who, at the time, I imagined to be all that and a cherry on top. In the single years since I’ve met plenty of women who would fit the LTR bill, should I choose. A lack of responsibility to anyone but myself afforded me the time and mobility to try different jobs, different girls, plenty of introspection, and – most importantly – it gave me the confidence to know that with X effort and Y time I can accomplish any reasonable goal.

So be thankful that whatever your station in life, your eyes are now open. You’re free to choose your own path and build exactly the relationship(s) you want.

Find Your Persona

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When red pill men (or men in general) are in the process of drastically changing their personality, an unfavorable but necessary side effect occurs: inconsistent behavior. While it can be argued that alpha-beta is a yin yang constantly in flux, an overall attitude towards events makes or breaks an alpha. Men are often advised to stop caring what others think, approach fearlessly because they have nothing to lose, and to generally take drastic measures yesterday. But that’s not how humans work. We’re creatures of habit and it takes time, coupled with consistent and deliberate effort to change oneself from the inside out.

If you’ve ever done something and later kicked yourself for ‘being beta’, you know what I’m talking about. This is a natural step in the process, as you’re realizing negative behavior and hopefully avoiding it in the future, or at least minimizing it over time until it’s gone. Unfortunately this can be a little exhausting, so one solution among many is to align yourself with a persona – a role model if you will – and when you’re questioning your next action, think ‘what would ___ do?’ This can be anyone, though characters from popular books and movies are ideal as they’re specifically built to represent a certain archetype to aspire to.

It might seem like a stupid exercise but if your goal is to be alpha, you need to learn, model, understand and, well, become everything therein. Might as well pull out all the stops.

Choosing a persona is fairly simple, though may need to narrow it down. The following 3 steps will get you there.

  1. Choose a character who men think is cool and women think is sexy. Both are necessary and he should be a 50/50 blend. If we look at movies for example, William Wallace in Braveheart is certainly a guy other guys think is cool and some women find sexy, but it’s skewed. On the flip side, Team Edward/Jacob from Twilight gets girls of all ages a little wet, but few men find them inspirational. Down-the-middle examples are James Bond and Tyler Durden from Fight Club.
  2. Choose a contemporary character. Because situations where an invisible aide is required come up in real time, it helps to associate with a persona privy to such situations. When a girl sends you a cryptic text, Bond would probably know what to do a little better than Achilles. If you’re wracking your brain for options, hit up the magazine aisle and look for the ‘sexiest men alive’ – just don’t let anyone catch you.
  3. Choose a character who matches your general predispositions. This is the most important. I personally align with James Bond. I’m a little cold (my European background is responsible for this), laconic, generally seek a variety of women without much commitment, and in great shape – so I align with his persona to some degree already. Maybe you’re more of an eccentric/funny Johhny Depp or a little country like Wolverine. Perhaps you’re a well groomed nerd a la Tony Stark. These are all personas women go gaga over. Pick one that fits you and vice versa, it’s all good.

In any endeavor we seek an expert. If you want to build wealth, you talk to the wealthy. If you want to get fit, you’ve taken at least a cursory liking to Arnold. So it makes sense to align yourself with those who are, or are perceived to be (since James Bond and Ironman don’t exist) successful with women.

Once you get past the silliness (although I’m willing to bet most of you played hero as a kid), you’ll realize that behavior modification and situation handling become second nature, which is what you’re after all along. The end justifies the means.

Facebook Profile – Photos

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Facebook game is unique in several ways. If used correctly, it allows you to create a celebrity persona of yourself over time and bestows all sorts of hedonistic benefits. Today we’ll be looking at one of several facets – your photos.

As with all manner of art and photography, less is more.

Despite your initial assessment of what constitutes ‘Facebook success’, having thousands of nearly identical photos is pointless. Girls do this of course, but we follow a different set of rules (and whether having a library of drunken photos is beneficial or not is questionable even for them). People have short attention spans. Very short. So when a girl looks at your photos, she wants to see a story and make some (favorable) snap judgments in as little time as possible. Much like putting up shots on a dating site, you want to display your best and only your best, considering that you’re in direct competition with countless others.

With that in mind and in no particular order, here’s a list of tips:

  1. Keep your photo count low. After several years of having an active profile, I still only have ~100 photos. You want to display variety, but not overdo it. If you’re at an event, on vacation, out at a bar, etc, and happen to come home with 20 shots, select 2-3 which display you the best. If none are that great, leave them out altogether. You’re not obligated to showcase your entire life; only the highlights. As an example, I had a good 30 photos from a sick LA vip club party, but decided to take them all down. While I did have some social proof pics, ultimately they were too dispersed and not enough attention on me. Make no mistake, Facebook is the ultimate in narcissism. Think of it as a modeling portfolio: you only have so many opportunities to display your talent.
  2. Only use the best photos. Corollary to the above, be extremely critical of which photos you put up. Angles, lighting, composition, but most importantly: context. Let’s say you’re out at a club with friends and someone is in paparazzi mode. You have 3 shots to choose from: A) sideways with your hands on some girl as she’s grinding you, B) toasting with posse where you’re off to the side, C) photobomb with you in the middle. Answer: C, but try not to look too stupid.
  3. Tell a story. This will happen over time, but if you have hobbies or take regular trips to certain locales, document it. You’re promoting your life in a matter of seconds, so if all you have is pics of your inebriated friends from high school at the same dive bar, you’re not going to come off as very adventurous. That’s not to say you should do things just for the sake of doing them, but as long as your hobbies don’t revolve around Cheetos and WoW, showcase them.
  4. Avoid irrelevant photos. It’s tempting to upload pics of what you’re eating/drinking, some animal you see across the street, a funny bumper sticker, and other generally useless snapshots. While it may get you some initial attention, it clogs up your profile and diffuses your target’s focus. Although there is a delineation between ‘Photos of You’ and ‘Photos’, the latter is still looked at. During my last purge, I noticed almost 1/3 of my shots were such offenders.
  5. Filter out old photos as time goes on. While history may be cool to you, few girls care for what you used to be like. And because you’re becoming more interesting with each passing year (or should be), the past should appear less intriguing by comparison. Don’t remove all photos, but limit their number to only the best, a sort of year-in-review. As you’re scrolling from top to bottom, each preceding year should have progressively less material.
  6. Be congruent with your persona. As you’re telling your story, you still want to display consistency. If you’re the douchebag meathead with giant biceps who never smiles, then show off your giant biceps and don’t smile. If you’re the punk rock guitarist who only drinks local craft beers and can’t wait to cover every inch of skin with ink, wear it proud. Whatever your spiel, be consistent.
  7. Show occasional contrast. Although you are putting your persona on display, calculated contrast can work greatly in your favor if used in moderation. This stuff is chick crack. If you’re Mr. Tough Guy in all situations, a sprinkle of you smiling while playing with animals or hanging out with family shows you might have a soul. And what woman can resist playing Captain Save ‘A Player? A good opportunity for a blast from the past is ‘Throwback Thursday’. Years ago I went through a punk rock phase where I played the part to a tee. Although it was just that – a phase – a couple photos from the ‘old life’ instantly appealed to the subset of nubile rebels.
  8. Subtle social proof. Not only should the focus be primarily on you, but others need to be deferring to, or at least not looking as cool as you. In any photo you decide to upload, put it through the ‘Spot The Alpha’ test: who’s the alpha in the photo? If it’s not you, toss it. Surrounding yourself with women in pics is great, but be careful that it doesn’t appear try-hard. This is a common mistake: arms around girls on either side, chin up to the ceiling, eyes half closed like you’re high. Also known as trying to look badass. Having attractive women around you is enough in itself. Bonus points if you look like it’s no big deal.
  9. Experiment. You’ll notice a lack of how-to visuals. The reason is that it’s subjective. While certain baseline rules exist, a successful profile will be uniquely tailored to you. Show off your hobbies, show off your strengths, fake whatever you need to until it’s there, and hide your weaknesses. I’m shirtless in about 1/3 of my photos. Can everyone pull it off? Of course not, but in over a decade of consistent training I built a body I’m proud of and I display it whenever I can. It works for me.

This should be a good start. Let me know in the comments below if I missed anything or if you’d like more specifics. Although not always the best, you can get an idea of some usable shots from Hot Chicks with Douchebags. Use sparingly.