Monthly Archives: December 2012

Time Between Texting Indicates Interest

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girl-sleeping-cell-phone

This may seem a little obvious, but it’s rarely given the proper amount of attention. With texting now the default method of communication (and an absolute godsend for game), the time between text messages from both sexes is a very accurate measurement of interest. Simply put, the longer it takes for a girl to respond to your text message, the lower her interest level and vice versa.

In general you only want to spend your time with girls of high interest, but knowing where you fall in her line of suitors has its uses. As soon as you have options, it’s natural to begin prioritizing and due to the higher biological value of egg vs. sperm, women – on the whole – have more options than men. It’s possible to flip the script by becoming high value (alpha) yourself, but in most cases you’re competing with other males for her attention.

If a girl consistently takes longer to send or reply to your texts, she has the upper hand. So how do you get the ball back in your court? Fight fire with fire. Spend longer (or the same amount of time) replying to her. Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t reduce her interest. If it seems to, it was never high to begin with. Girl #51 and I text every couple days or so and I have no intention of changing that. I understand her situation. She’s made it very clear she enjoys the chase and the non-committal alpha banging that a typical 22 year old party girl would. I’m ok with this, but it needs to be handled a certain way to keep attraction on the rise. Her interest level is high enough for continued plowing, but she’s not looking for anything serious so there’s no reason to text more.

If your goal is to build and maintain a high interest harem, calibrating your text timing helps, especially with girls you’ve already slept with. Take a bit longer to text them back. End the conversation always. Go MIA for short bursts of time. Occasionally you’ll meet your match with a girl who plays a similar game and when it happens, thank the lucky stars – you’ve just been presented with a great learning opportunity to tighten your game.

However, don’t make the mistake of questioning a girl why she’s not responding to your texts in a timely manner. Doing so will remove whatever interest remains. You’ll hear excuses like: I was busy, my battery died, I didn’t have my phone on me, I was at work, I was in a meeting, I was on the phone, the list is endless. And 99% of the time it’s white noise. Girls sleep next to their phones. If her interest is high enough, you can safely ignore her for a week, text her once, and she’ll reply within seconds. Keyword: high enough.

Remember this dynamic at all times and use it to your advantage.

Quantified Success Begets Success

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The only way to know if you’re succeeding (in anything) is to look at your progress, mathematically, on a long enough timeline. I talked about not getting lost in the shuffle before, but I want to take it one step further. If you drown yourself in minutiae without looking at the big picture, you’ll lose sight of the ultimate goal and be prone to greater emotional peaks and valleys. Unfortunately quantifying your success with women is often looked down upon. The most common criticism goes something like:

‘Stop treating people as equations and start treating them like human beings.’

What proponents of statements like these fail to acknowledge is that given a large enough sample, most human behavior, given similar circumstances, is predictable. This failure usually stems from their own lack of social development and experience. Entire fields of study and countless salaries are predicated on this fact. It’s the foundation of Game: behaviors A, B, and C typically result in outcomes X, Y, and Z. Not only is this necessary for sanity, but it’s incredibly useful in day to day interactions. Of course you’ll get a curveball occasionally (aka the spice of life), but overall knowledge of these actions-reactions make you feel like you have an edge over those less ‘in the know’.

One of the most common rites of passage – especially for younger guys – is overcoming approach anxiety. I had to go through it myself. It’s a real problem. Growing up we’re told not to talk to strangers, which is great for avoiding kidnapping, but not so great for socializing as an adult. Although I’m sure there are multiple solutions to this, the one I’ve found, tested, and can tell you works 100% of the time is – as you may have guessed – quantifiable.

If you suffer from approach anxiety, your mission is to make a spreadsheet, date it, then go outside, anywhere, and strike up a conversation with 100 cute girls. Not all at once mind you, but keep track. If you’re super shy, talk to 1 new girl per day. Start with eye contact and ‘hi’. Ask her how she is or how her day is going. Ask her what she’s up to. No lines, no numbers, no goal other than to open your mouth and see what comes out. If the conversation gets awkward, tell her it was nice meeting her and excuse yourself. No pressure to close.

If you do this, even if it takes 100 days, you will overcome approach anxiety. You’ll gain the experience and confidence to talk to strange girls you find attractive. And I also guarantee you that among those 100, you’ll end up with several fun conversations, a couple (insta)dates, and some will even volunteer their number to you once they realize you’re not acting needy. You might even get laid.

That’s all you need to do.

Quantify, act, and quantify again.

But if you don’t keep track, you won’t know how well you’re progressing and inevitable failures along the way will discourage you from your overall success. Furthermore, you’ll start to take baseless statements like this seriously:

‘Real alphas don’t write about their conquests or spend time in forums or read books or cold approach or ___.’

How do you know? How do you know they didn’t do this until it became internalized, until there was no discernible difference between the ‘natural’ and the self made? Not only that, but the self made has an advantage: he’s been through the trials and tribulations. Failures, neural rewiring, and subsequent success are fresh in his mind for all time, so when a similar-but-different situation arises, he’s ready to roll with the punches. The natural? Not so much. It’s the difference between a self made millionaire and a trust fund baby: only one knows the value of a dollar and is less likely to blow it in times of adversity.

Don’t shy away from quantifying.

How far you take it is up to you. Some guys log every interaction with women, dissect it, extract a lesson or two, and move onto the next one. I did this for a while, now I just write lay reports. Review what you’ve accomplished and set new, bigger goals. Granted I’m more analytical than most, but it did the trick – I went from a shy nerd who didn’t know anything about women and was becoming more confused by the day to being completely comfortable around them, having the relationships I want (and more importantly distancing myself from those I don’t) and knowing what I have to do to get what I want, in most cases.

With only a few days left, what have you accomplished this year? What do you plan to accomplish next year? How much more will it be? 10%? 100%? 1000%?

Scarcity Principle – Be Unavailable And She Will Chase

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Being truly unavailable is attractive to people due to basic supply and demand. As humans, we assign higher value to things that are limited in quantity, no questions asked. Take diamonds for instance – not much argument can be made for their pricing beyond supply limits. For most of you hearing this isn’t new, but acting on it is often a foreign concept. Men are generally available way too much, especially to women they fancy. Not only that, but even the less available ones will rearrange their lives to facilitate as many dates as soon as possible in hopes that doing so will cement the foundation of a relationship. In reality, quite the opposite is true.

If diamonds started forming on trees tomorrow and rubies all but disappeared, the roles would reverse. In the same way, the less (truly) available you are, the more attractive you become. Unfortunately it’s difficult to fake; you’ll often slip up under pressure. If you work a 9-5, go out once or twice, and usually have weekends open – or at least flexible – don’t be surprised if despite your ‘no date plans on a weekend’ rule bends just this once for an exceptionally hot prospect. And a lot of times this is where you lose them.

On the other hand, if you have obligations most nights, when you’re making plans with a girl you tell her ‘I’m free on X, Y, and Z at so and so times’, not due to fabrication (which is prone to backtracking), but because that’s what your week looks like. It also takes the pressure off you if schedules don’t sync; you simply tell her ‘ok, maybe next week’. Free nights become free nights, regardless if it’s a Tuesday or a Saturday. It’s also a slight DHV (Display of Higher Value) as she’s now in your frame.

There are other benefits, like a sense of urgency. If you’re rarely available, it takes 2 weeks to plan a rendezvous and another 2 before you can possibly see each other again, she’ll be a lot more willing to expedite the process and drop the panties for fear of losing out. An extreme example of this is ’5 minutes of alpha’ or the traveling salesman and loosely ties into female hypergamy.

Most women in their prime (20-25, 18-28 in some cases) are usually in school, work part time, and have flexible schedules so if she’s interested, she’ll insert herself into yours.

And so we come to the meat and potatoes: what do you do to become unavailable? Whatever you want, as long as it has a long term benefit (WoW and pot smoking excluded), makes you happy, and – in your mind – supersedes going on a date. The best example is work or doing something you’re passionate about. If you have to hit the gym, that’s 1-2 hours you’re unavailable. If you have a passion (say you’re in a band), you’re out practicing or doing a show.

One of my current social jobs is bartending. Between day and night work, I put in 70+ hours every week. Add in exercise, commuting, writing, and other pursuits of self improvement and it leaves me with sporadic pockets for dating. It’s somewhat of a recent development, but what I discovered is that if you’re truly busy, the women in your life won’t mind and will often support your lifestyle.

Notice how I say unavailable, not ‘busy’. Being busy for its own sake is a terrible way to live, but spending time on things and people who interest you isn’t. If you find yourself with a lot of free time, consider the following:

  1. Exercise. Start small. 1 day/week if it’s not a habit for you. Over years you’ll realize it’s the best decision you’ve ever made.
  2. Find a hobby. Try anything that seems interesting. Most hobbies can be attempted for free or very little. Art, music, any kind of club, the sky is the limit. What do you enjoy?
  3. Educate yourself. Highly underrated. I often spend summer days poolside with my Kindle and some Goose & Sprite, opting for self education over a date. Unless I haven’t been laid in a while.
  4. Second (or third) job. If work takes you away from direct contact with people, I strongly urge you do something social on the side, even if it’s 10-15 hours/week. Preferably something that puts you in the company of attractive women. Side benefit: more money.

So, how (un)available are you?

Girl #51 – HB 7.75

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Another POF pull. 22 year old, HB 7.75, cute face, tight body. Works out on a regular basis, so a tiny little thing with an ass to die for. I sent her one of my ‘hey how are you’ lazy openers, got a reply 5 days later, and waited a couple more before continuing the conversation. I typically don’t do long messages, but as we had a shared interest (fitness) I actually had something to talk about. A few messages in I told her we should get a drink and asked for her number. I didn’t use any smooth lines or catchy phrases as I found it to be a hit or miss – more often a miss.

We set up a bar date – my favorite for several reasons – and proceeded to meet at my doorstep. As I discussed before, I prefer to have girls meet at my place first, where I invite them in for a minute while I put my shoes on. Not only is this a mini venue bounce, but it gets them comfortable and makes for an easier transition later, a la ‘let’s go back and hang out/have another drink/watch a movie’.

She came in, I gave her a hug and we were off. Normal conversation about her day and minutiae ensued. We got our drinks (I usually get the first round) and I was lucky enough to secure an empty couch. This is a benefit of going on a weeknight, not to mention cheaper drinks. As it was my local bar, I ran into some people I knew who proceeded to hang out in our vicinity most of the night; it also served as a minor status boost.

I sensed she was a little ‘colder’ than most girls – not very touchy feely, so I played it cool. Same kino escalation as usual: occasional leg touch, prolonged contact, and about an hour in constant leg contact. Most girls usually stop after a couple drinks but she was open to continued drinking, especially since we were in the center of a group of ‘friends’, and I obliged. At this point the conversation got interesting. She told me she’s not into PDA and that she likes the game, preferring to be the one doing the chasing. Hot, in-demand 22 year old admits to playing the game and enjoying it – and the naysayers wept.

About 3 drinks in she needed to use the bathroom, as did I. Instead of telling her where it was, I told her I’d show her. I rarely kiss close at a public venue, but right outside the door I grabbed her arm, pulled her in, and planted one on her lips. I wanted to try something different and this seemed spur of the moment enough. Additionally, I didn’t want there to be any doubt about where this was going.

As I went to grab our final drink, I told her to stay put so we didn’t lose our couch spot. Upon my return someone else was sitting there so I seized the opportunity, told her to get up, and had her sit on my lap with her arm around me. A drunk girl in our group wanted to know if we were together and I told her to play along and pretend we were getting married. Why not have some fun with it?

Finishing the last drink, I drove back, popped a beer at my place, and put in a movie. Incredible sex followed. She was fairly drunk and I was feeling good, which made it even better. I’d like to say I had to overcome obstacles, shit tests, and LMR (Last Minute Resistance), but there was none of it.

If you properly gauge, escalate, hit the right buttons, and use a bit of the ol’ liquid courage, it should be smooth sailing from start to finish. You’ll still lose a few, but the percentage will drop over time. A few months ago I set a goal of tapping 50 girls total by the end of the year, so it looks like I have a head start on 2013.

Progress With Women Is Aggregate

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As you start becoming more proficient with women, it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle and only look at isolated incidents rather than the whole, which can become a major stumbling block. Rejection, for example, will always be there. Although learning game and improving yourself will result in a lower turnover rate, it’ll never disappear entirely. This focus on the small picture usually occurs midway through the rAFC (recovering Average Frustrated Chump) process. It’s when you first start becoming aware of game mechanics, social dynamics, and the workings of the sexual marketplace that you encounter this danger.

It’s imperative to take a step back and look at your overall progress timeline. What have you learned? How long did it take you to realize your mistakes? How long did it take you to stop repeating them? What mistakes are you now making and what’s your plan for improvement? When you think critically about this and – if it’s your thing – catalog your journey, a funny thing happens:

You gain confidence.

Having it all laid out in front of you paints a picture of your entire dating life, one that may have been forgotten as you brood over the latest botched pickup. But keeping this picture in mind at all times is necessary for a personality shift to occur. Let’s look at one such example – abundance mentality and dry spells.

During the first half of this year I only slept with 2 new girls, both one night stands. That’s it. Sex, twice, in 6 months. I wasn’t going out much, was transitioning between career fields, and generally kept to myself as I soul searched for what I really wanted to do. In the second half of the year, I slept with a new girl every 2 weeks, like clockwork. For all intents and purposes I had a voluntary dry spell the first half of 2012 and if I focused on the immediate lack of sex, it wouldn’t take long to lose confidence, think there was something wrong with me, become desperate, etc.

But I chose to look at progress as aggregate. I had my spreadsheet ready to reference. I slept with 16 girls in 2011. I knew if I put in some effort, it would happen again without a problem. I adopted a permanent abundance mentality, confident the day would come when I finished my transition stage and it would all fall into place. And what do you know – it did.

You don’t need a ton of experience to begin this process. Even if you’re a virgin, you can start cataloging your interactions with girls you fancy. Do some approaches. Write down what happened. If you have social anxiety, I guarantee that if you say hi and at least attempt to make some small talk – about anything – with 100 cute girls, it’ll disappear. But you have to keep your eye on the prize and look at the greater whole.

If you’re fresh out of a long term relationship, take some time to reflect. Be thankful for the good times and extract lessons from the bad – what can you do in the future to avoid them? To minimize their impact? And so on.

So the next time you’re feeling down, take a moment to appreciate everything you’ve already experienced and know you can do better tomorrow.