Monthly Archives: January 2013

The Long Term Benefit Of One Night Stands

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Once you have enough ONS (One Night Stands), you begin to realize they’re not just for one night. Some turn into FWBs (Friends With Benefits), others into relationships of some duration (if you’re not hip to monogamy, that means 1-3 months on average before ‘the talk’), and others end right there – or so it seems. When you sleep with a woman, she forfeits most of her power: the initial access to sex. It doesn’t matter today nearly as much of course, but to some degree she knows she can’t keep stringing you along the same way; after all you got what you wanted.

For a variety of additional reasons, this causes a percentage of women to be open to future ‘one night stands’. This isn’t regular dating, or even semi-regular. It’s more like hot, sultry, gotta-try-it-again sex every few months. Sometimes it’s yearly, like an anniversary. It happens on the flimsiest pretenses, often a breakup of some sort.

I’ve had girls cheat on their boyfriends with me, then ignore me for months, then re-initiate contact out of the blue.

I’ve had girls ‘use’ me for validation in-between failed relationships.

I’ve had girls sleep with me once a month, once a quarter, once a year, or at random intervals for reasons such as:

  1. In a fight with her boyfriend.
  2. Broke up with her boyfriend.
  3. Wanted to cheat on her boyfriend because she’s missing something or he’s beta to the core.
  4. Got rejected today.
  5. Got rejected last night.
  6. Got rejected last week.
  7. It’s that horny time of the month.
  8. It’s (summer, fall, winter, spring) and she only wants to sex me during (summer, fall, winter, spring).
  9. Feels lonely.
  10. Feels sexy.
  11. Feels dirty.
  12. Feels butthurt that I didn’t want to be more.
  13. Turned 21 and wants to have fun.
  14. Turned 25 and feels old.
  15. Turned 30 and feels unwanted.
  16. Got new boobs and wants to show them off.
  17. For some reason unknown to man she just wants to get fucked and happens to think of me.

The point is this: the reason is irrelevant. If you have enough alpha cred for her to spread eagle on the first night and play the numbers game, there’s a good chance she’ll want round 2. Maybe not this week, or even this year, but it will happen if she’s reminded of you.

The Key Component

The key component to having girls come back around is maintaining ‘passive contact’. This means leaving the door open for her to stalk check up on you at her leisure, and what better way than Facebook? You friend each other and if you’ve built and maintained your profile correctly, she’ll be sporadically reminded of you. This is why I make it a point to friend every girl I sleep with if possible; you’re essentially building a long term harem where a single post from you on their feed is an instant reminder and a possible reigniter. There are other ways to do this – if she sees you out on the town, hears about your recent exploits from a friend, you both frequent the same places, etc, but because of its 24/7 global reach, social media trumps all for contact.

The Numbers Game: Welcome To The Harem

Do this enough and you’ll soon be on your way to building a harem. Realize that it’s a numbers game, always. Unless you’ve reached celebrity status (and even they can’t get every girl they want), you’re going to have to put in extra work to make it happen, but that’s all part of the game. Let’s do some arithmetic.

Assume you tag 1 girl per month. That’s out of reach for most guys, statistically speaking, but with 2-5 years dedicated to hardcore self improvement (in looks, wealth, status, fame, game) it’s entirely possible.

Conservatively speaking, assume out of those 12, 6 are ONS. The other half are some form of short term FWB and no/low commitment relationships that fizzle out.

Out of those 6, 3 want to come back for multiple rounds.

Extrapolate over 5 years. You now have 15 girls, per year, on top of the (minimum) 12 fresh recruits.

After 5 years, that’s at least 27 girls, every year, for you to play with as you please. The math is a bit fuzzy, but if you stay the course and continually work on you, the floodgates will open.

There’s nothing impossible about it. It’s called paying your dues. Learn game. Fail, again and again until you succeed. Play the numbers. Hit the gym, get your body right. There’s no excuse for fatness. Make your money, put it away in stocks/bonds and watch your nest egg explode – don’t waste your cash on toys you’ll replace in a few months. Get a job or hobby where you’re at the very least a contextual alpha. Hold yourself to higher standards and you’ll soon hold others to the same.

Effort + Time = Success

You get out what you put in. Never forget that.

Kino Escalation: Step By Step

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Let’s get one thing straight. Kino – a community-shortened version of kinesthetics, or physical contact – is the quickest, most effective, mandatory tool in your Get Laid Arsenal. I briefly touched on its importance in discussing my favorite bar date, but its inclusion is so vital that it needs a separate set of instructions. The escalation of kino, or progressing to more sexual and prolonged forms of contact, is an art. While some forms are appropriate from the onset (a handshake, a hug), others need some warming up (leg rubbing, playing with hair).

Although exact percentages vary, all interpersonal communication is approximately 55% physiology (body language), 38% tone of voice, and 7% words as per certain textbooks. So – 93% of whatever message you’re delivering has nothing to do with what you say. Women are naturally more attuned to nonverbal communication, so if pussy plundering is on your to-do list it’s a good idea to get on the same level.

Kino escalation serves multiple roles, but the end result is a quicker lay – often the same night (logistics permitting). So how do you go from handshake to penetration within hours of meeting? Let’s find out.

Progressive Escalation

Progression is often situational and depending on several factors (level of intoxication, venue – a club for example, previous familiarity, PC behavior – Spring Break vs. day game, etc) you can often shortcut your way to later stages. Keep that in mind as you read the following steps. Also, the more experience you acquire, the more confident you become and as a result you begin to quicken the process.

Know this: men lead, women follow. I don’t care what bile feminists or androgynous white knights spew, you can’t mess with biology. Leading with kino confidently, nay even brazenly, will net you more notches than ‘taking it slow’, every time.

Let’s assume you’re on a 1 on 1 first date at a relaxed venue (like a bar, go figure). The process goes something like this:

  1. Hug. Give her a big hug hello. Tight squeeze, let her feel your strength. Hopefully you’ve been working out and have some hardness to you. Hold for a couple seconds. Do not pat on the back. In some situations a hug is not ideal; a first introduction to a cutie at a club requires more comfort, so a handshake where you hold her hand with a medium grip works better. For a first date though, hugs all the way.
  2. Shoulder/forearm/lower back. Be on the lookout for opportunities to kino these areas. If she’s walking through a door and is ahead of you, you can ‘guide’ her by putting your hand on her lower back temporarily. If you’re ahead of her making your way through a crowd, take her hand and hold it as you walk. If you’re sitting, a common gesture to reinforce a point during a conversation is a brief touch on the shoulder or forearm. Women of high interest level will kino you in this way, so feel free to initiate and/or spit it right back at ‘em.
  3. Accessory touching. As you’re listening to her drone about vividly recall her life story, feel free to interrupt and ask questions about any accessories you find intriguing. You can take her hand ask about a ring she’s wearing, touch her ear and inquire about her earrings, and grab her necklace while accidentally grazing her boobs. It’s all plausible, deniable, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. If she has tattoos, have her do a Show & Tell. It’ll keep the conversation going and give you additional chances to kino.
  4. Leg/arm contact (couch). While this is happening, prolonged contact should always be on your mind. Depending on your level of bravado and familiarity you can often do this when first sitting down. The idea is to have your legs and/or arms permanently touching. If she doesn’t shy away, you’re in. If you don’t do it from the onset, a good ‘in’ is to get up, excuse yourself (bathroom, another drink, whatever) and position yourself for full contact when you sit back down.
  5. Hair playing (optional). It’s not a requirement, but if you’re in a situation where nonstop chatter is impossible (you’re listening to a band or at a movie) you still want to keep the kino going. Stroking her hair with a few tugs here and there is an option. I’ve yet to meet a girl who didn’t like her hair played with (it feels good), so have at it. It can also be a precursor to #6.
  6. Kiss close. Whether out in public, in your car, or at your pad, kissing her should happen sooner than later. There are many ways to do this. If you want to get laid, forget about waiting for the cliche moment. Once completed – and depending on the circumstances – you can either back off temporarily or proceed.
  7. Aggressive clothes-on rubbing (optional). Once you’ve made out, you should – in most cases – be back at your place or on your way there. Otherwise (usually poor logistics), you can progress in public with heavier and more aggressive kino. This is steps 4, 5, 6 on roids. Tug her hair more. Rub her more all over her body. Feel her goods over her clothes. In certain venues (clubs for instance) you can easily get away with it.
  8. Foreplay. After the kiss close you need to move fast. She’s ready so dragging it out for another hour is a sure path to celibacy. Whatever your chosen location for sex, this is when you pull out all the stops. Enjoy it. Kiss her all over. Ears > neck > shoulder > chest and back around while both hands are active elsewhere. If you want details on foreplay ‘escalation’ (though it’s generally self explanatory), let me know.
  9. Sex. Congratulations you womanizer!

Once again keep in mind that a) certain steps in close proximity can be swapped, like #2 and #3 and b) circumstances sometimes allow you to skip most of these steps. Girl #52 started out with a makeout.

Reciprocity and Calibration

All of the above points are null and void if you don’t properly gauge her reactions. If you give her a hug and she looks uncomfortable, you have a big problem. Likewise if you progress to heavier kino without any reciprocity on her part, don’t be surprised if she’s weirded out when you attempt to kiss close. A general rule of thumb is to move on to the next step only when the previous is solidified. If you do some light touching and she returns the favor, keep going. If she doesn’t, you have more work to do.

For this reason I tend to ‘frontload’ the kino to see how comfortable a girl is right away. If your legs can be touching the moment you first sit and she doesn’t back off, you’ve skipped a couple steps and have effectively sped up the process. On the other hand, if she casually backs away don’t push; realize you have more comfort building ahead of you, it’s going to be a longer night, and keep doing your thing. Try again a bit later and she should accept.

A Final Note

Just like working out, building wealth, and becoming proficient at anything, you have to practice. Very few people are ‘naturally’ touchy-feely, so you’ll be doing this consciously for a while. Fortunately the learning curve is extremely small and within a few weeks of deliberate effort you’ll be well on your way to internalizing the power of touch. Remember – it only feels weird to her if it’s weird to you.

The Bar Date: Step By Step

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If you’ve been reading my previous posts, you know I’m a huge fan of the bar date. Unless you have a particularly superior shtick or are unable to partake due to age restrictions, taking a girl to a bar on a first date is ideal for a number of reasons:

  1. It’s universally accepted. There’s no pressure, no specific skill requirement, no excessive dress code, and almost everyone has been on a ‘bar date’ so they know what to expect, which leads to #2.
  2. It’s comfortable. The main task preceding physical seduction is comfort/rapport building. Simply put, if a girl isn’t feeling safe and at-ease around you, her legs are staying shut. Because going to a bar is familiar to most, a certain degree of comfort is established from the onset.
  3. Dark, laid back atmosphere. It’s no secret that everyone looks better with the lights dimmed, hiding imperfections. Combine this with warmer hues and alcohol and all of a sudden you (and your date) bump up a notch in attractiveness. It’s like instant makeup. People are also more relaxed when sitting or reclining.
  4. Kino opportunities. Kino escalation is the quickest, most powerful, mandatory method of connecting physically and emotionally with another person. When you (platonically) shake hands, fistbump, pat on the shoulder, or (romantically) graze hair, ear, shoulder, lower back, arm, hand, wrist, thigh, etc. you increase comfort and friendliness by an order of magnitude. Sitting next to each other – on a couch if possible – is the closest thing next to a bed and ripe with opportunity.
  5. Alcohol. Obvious, but worth mentioning. While other dates can involve some of the ol’ vuudka, the bar is the only place where consumption is required. And barring illegal drugs, alcohol is the fastest panty dropping substance readily available. Not only that, but the increase in bravado from both sides results in playful banter and heightened game awareness. A pregame shot or two for a first date isn’t a bad idea either, and I’ve met quite a few women who do the same (though some prefer wine).
  6. No time commitment. Unlike other dates with temporal requirements (dinner, movie, skydiving, etc.) going to a bar provides an easy out if needed. If the date isn’t going well, making an exit is appropriate at any point. This ‘stay as little or as long as you like’ feature is perfect because it allows you to fast track or steady your seduction as the situation requires. Some girls are ready to go, others need more warming up. You can bounce after one drink, or take a few shots and party.
  7. Low cost. Unlike dinner (the worst possible first date) or certain other activities which can run you $50+ if you decide to pay, a chill local hole in the wall will get you going for $20 total, adjusted for demographic. If you make it a regular spot for date night and get to know the staff, you’ll reap the benefit of an even lower tab. It may not seem like much, but as dating is a numbers game, over time it adds up.
  8. It’s the shortest path to getting laid. When you combine all of the above, the stage is set. It’s as if bars were invented for procreation. Maybe they were. If there’s a superior method available to the masses, I’m all ears. And make no mistake, getting some is the goal. Unless you’re a eunuch.

Now that we’ve established the why, let’s talk about the how. Although specifics will vary based on individual predicaments, basic rules apply and deviation should be minimal. Once the date is set, confirmed, and she’s on her way, the following sequence of events is the straight and narrow to a happy ending.

  1. Choose a low key bar near your pad and meet at your place. Logistics will make or break a same night lay and I’ve learned from experience that meeting girls on their turf makes your job unnecessarily difficult (and often a waste entirely). When making plans, I’ll tell the girl to meet at my place and that I’ll drive. This accomplishes several things. First, it puts you in the driver’s seat (literally) along with setting the frame and bringing her into your reality. Second, it takes pressure off her from drinking and driving, so she’ll be more open to extra consumption. Third, the final stop is your crib so if you play your cards right coming back to your place becomes natural.
  2. When she arrives, briefly invite her in. If possible, do this each and every time, as the comfort building is invaluable. When she knocks, I open the door, tell her to come in for a second, give her a hug (kino #1), then tell her I’ll be ready shortly. Sometimes I disappear upstairs for a minute, other times I just finish up some trivial task. The idea is to let her scope out the environment (it helps if your place is tidy and looks nice) and get comfortable knowing you’re not a serial killer. It also serves as a mini venue bounce, since you’ll be making 3 stops that night (your place > bar > your place). On the flipside, if you live in a dump you may want to take care of that first.
  3. When you get to the bar, initiate kino and get the first round. I’ve internally debated when you should pay several times and my current M.O. is to purchase the first round. When you walk up to the bar, put your hand on her lower back and bring her forward so can order her drink (kino #2).
  4. From here it’s up to you – pool or couch. Either one will provide you with plenty of reasons to kino. On the couch you can get more in but there’s less overall movement so if your ‘word game’ isn’t up to snuff, starting off with a game of pool where less talking is required may be a better icebreaker.
  5. Progress kino. This is your meat and potatoes. Kino ranks #1, bar none. As the night passes you should be (sub)consciously amping up the touching and gauging her responses. To the newly initiated this seems like a daunting task, but with a bit of practice it becomes second nature and quite entertaining. You progressively touch her a little more, in more erogenous areas, for longer periods of time. If she’s wearing jewelry, touching her chest, lifting up the necklace, and asking about it is perfect. Same with earrings, rings, etc. Ask about piercings, tattoos, clothing accessories, anything. Touch, touch, touch, but gauge her reactions. If she seems averse, back off. If she’s neutral, proceed. If she’s reciprocating with kino of her own, you’re in. Eventually the couch or similar arrangement will be your final destination as you want ‘perma-kino’ (via legs touching) to kick in. This constant touch will work wonders.
  6. Progress drinks. During all this, go round for round with her. You want her more buzzed and in most cases (unless she’s an alcy or a porker or you’re a rail) this will be the case. A round or two in you can suggest a shot, unless you see she’s a partier – then you can do shots right away. You want a controlled buzz, nothing more. She’s free to consume as much as she wants. Don’t get drunk yourself.
  7. Progress conversation. After a round of pool and drinks, this should be fairly simple. If your social skills are lacking, read up on conversation topics. Conversation threading doesn’t require a lot of brain power and as long as you’re actually listening, women will be happy to talk about themselves all night. In the midst of all this, you want to fish for #8.
  8. Test for DTF. Since your goal is to get laid, you need to get some facts straight. Asking 20 questions will make it awkward, so you need to weave them into your banter at the right moments. This is where finesse kicks in. First, for plausible deniability’s sake, you need to have several activities you can do at your place after the bar beyond the obvious. This can be drinks, a movie, your guitar, art, whatever. But have something. Then, you inquire – early on – if the girl is into these things. You can ask her ‘so what kind of movies do you like?’ (scary) and as the night is half over follow up with ‘after we finish here I have a collection of the scariest movies, you should come watch one’ and wait for a response, or continue the conversation as usual. It matters not; the seed is planted. Ask her if she has a curfew, so you know your timeline. If you have an art collection (or draw), ask her if she’s into art. Then follow up later with ‘I want to show you some of my art after we’re done here’. If you’re a musician, play her a song, and so on. What you’re looking for is her willingness to bounce back to your place, and you want this agreement sooner than later. Waiting until your goodbyes to bust out the ‘hey want to come in for a drink’ line is for the birds. You’re pro.
  9. Go back to your place and seal the deal. Exceptions notwithstanding, if you’ve done it right up to now bouncing to your pad is a no-brainer. However, you still need to seal the deal. I’ll usually ask if she wants another drink (50/50 here, doesn’t really matter) and then make good on whatever I’ve promised. Lately it’s just a movie. From here on as long as you can discern the difference between a ‘no’ and a ‘NO’ and sprinkle some natural male dominance, you’ll be set. For a bedroom aggression example, read about girl #53.

And there you have it, the date that never gets old. The bartenders know me quite well by now and usually roll their eyes when I bring a new prospect in for drinks. Hopefully she doesn’t notice.

Let me know if you want a deeper analysis of any particular point(s), as I can write individual pieces on those.

16 Ways A Beta Blew His Marriage

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Sometimes it helps to learn what not to do from others. I’ve written about a poor Facebook pickup attempt before, but this is even juicier. A former beta coworker (now married with children) posted this on Facebook a while back, promoting it as a ‘great read’. He was right, but not in the way he intended. The article, entitled ‘16 Ways I Blew My Marriage‘, is a 16 point list of what you should do to the contrary – with the right calibration and attitude – to not only sustain a marriage or relationship but make it flourish. As a lot of these points are misguided, I felt it was my duty to set the record straight.

As you can guess, the title gives it away – pedestalizing the ex-wife as the one who made the right decisions is the scent of beta. What’s even more interesting is the commentary in the article: it’s primarily female. It’s as if this was written by a woman, for women. They all nod their heads in agreement, show the list to their herby husbands, then proceed to cuckold them during an innocent GNO (Girl’s Night Out). This is going to be long, so let’s dig in.

1. Don’t stop holding her hand.

When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.

Correction: stop being so needy that you require constant, public affirmation of her desire for you. She may even hold your hand out of obligation, but it won’t have any emotion behind it. He ruined #1 by holding her hand too much. Out in public, let women you’re dating/are in a relationship with initiate the kino. Let her come to you. She’ll enjoy showing the competition you’re off the market and you’ll enjoy the ego boost.

2. Don’t stop trying to be attractive.

Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.

This I agree with, though a certain level of comfort and thereby reduced competition anxiety is inevitable the longer you’re involved. You should look and smell good always as you never know who you’ll run into. But do it for yourself, not just for her. As for holding back farts or excusing yourself, that’s just etiquette. If you let yourself go, she’ll do the same.

3. Don’t always point out her weaknesses.

For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn’t do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.

Taken to an extreme this can be damaging but in controlled bits and in the right moments, it’s mandatory. Read the third sentence: ‘when I only told her how amazing she was’. No playful teasing. No Agree & Amplify. No knocking her ego down from the stratosphere. No game. Is it any wonder the marriage is no more?

4. Don’t stop cooking for her.

I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.

Imagine yourself in an apron. Now, julienne your balls and throw them in the soup. Actually the problem here isn’t the cooking per se, but rather the effort expended to ‘woo’ a girl and the incongruent behavior that follows. It’s the same as the guy who stops working out after getting a girlfriend. If you enjoy cooking, by all means show off your skills, but like #2 do it for yourself. If it’s truly a hobby/passion/habit, you won’t stop doing it. And if it’s not, there’s no reason to do it in the first place (at least not regularly).

But maybe that’s just me. My mother always cooked when I was growing up. She never complained and actually enjoyed it. She cleaned and somewhat enjoyed that too – or at least wasn’t as averse to it as men are. And while she did spend more time at home than my dad, she also worked.

Men in the kitchen, women in the workforce. Goodbye America!

5. Don’t yell at your spouse.

I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.

Another byproduct of complacency. ‘Lazy yelling’ is a mood killer (I’ve been guilty of this), but the reason it happens in the first place is spending too much time together and removing all tension (a prerequisite for desire). If you maintain your own set of hobbies and interests and get away when you need to, you’ll enjoy each other’s company all the more.

Ninon de l’Enclos, a French courtesan and author, said ‘love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion’. Think about that.

6. Don’t call names.

I always felt I was the king of not calling names, but I wasn’t. I may not have called her stupid, or idiot, or any of the other names she’d sometimes call me, but I would tell her she was stubborn, or that she was impossible, or that she was so hard to deal with. Names are names, and calling them will drive bigger wedges in communication than just about anything else.

There’s an art to name calling, just like there’s an art to game. In game, finesse is the difference between smooth and creepy. In name calling, it’s the difference between diffusing a situation while getting her wet and turning a minor fight into a long term grudge. Don’t call her stupid, call her Special Ed (in a playful tone). Pet names? Sure thing, sugartits. Lovechop. Applebutt. Really, any delicious food + physical feature = instant mental redirection. Call her names, but do it the right way and she’ll love you for it.

7. Don’t be stingy with your money.

As the main bread earner, I was always so stingy with the money. I’d whine about the cost of her shampoo or that she didn’t order water at restaurants, or that she’d spend so much money on things like pedicures or hair dye jobs. But seriously. I always had just as many if not more things that I spent my money on, and in the end, the money was spent, we were just fine, and the only thing my bitching and moaning did was bring undo stress to our relationship.

Again, it’s a matter of degree. Forcing her to order water at restaurants is cheap, but trusting her with your credit card and a day at the mall is asking for trouble. Although shared finances are typically reserved for marriage, it would behoove one to set some ground rules before it’s too late and you’re forced to backpedal. If it’s your money, you can be as stingy with it as you want. If she’s a stay at home wife/mother, she better be compensating in other ways. Unless you get off on a Bored Housewife arrangement.

8. Don’t argue in front of the kids.

There was never any argument that was so important or pressing that we couldn’t wait to have it until the kids weren’t there. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist or super-shrink to know why fighting in front of the kids is a dangerous and selfish way of doing things.

Children aren’t dumb. They’ll eavesdrop behind your closed door anyway. A little drama is healthy for a relationship; it’s when the bickering becomes routine that you should be concerned. Bigger problems ruined his marriage.

9. Don’t encourage each other to skip working out.

I always thought it was love to tell my spouse, “I don’t care if you don’t take care of yourself. I don’t care if you don’t exercise. I don’t care if you let yourself go.” But that was lying, and it was lying when she said it to me because the truth is, we did care and I wish that we would have always told each other how sexy and attractive the other was any time we’d go workout or do something to become healthier.

Not only that, but you should encourage each other to continue exercising. Complacency to a degree is natural, but a wife letting herself go is a visual reminder – 24/7 – of how little respect she has for you. And while it is important for both sexes to remain fit, out of shape men are less repulsive than out of shape women due to a difference in valuation (men primarily seek looks; women seek a combination of metrics of which looks is just one).

Actually, this is a bigger issue of lifestyle. Single = hit the gym. Involved = sit on the couch. It’s a tale as old as time and indicative of a lack of health prioritization. If you don’t exercise just as much when single as you do when hitched, you haven’t made it a lifestyle. Unfortunately most of the Western world is ok with being clinically obese, so this comes as no surprise.

Furthermore, as a man it’s your duty to lead. If you stay in tip top shape, your significant other will either follow suit or become so insecure the relationship will end sooner than later (which is a good thing). And know this: having a hot body will make you the topic of conversation on the regular, among other health benefits.

10. Don’t poop with the bathroom door open.

I don’t know why, but at some point I started thinking it was okay to poop with the bathroom door open, and so did she. First of all, it’s gross. Second of all, it stinks everything up. Third of all, there is literally no way to make pooping attractive, which means that every time she saw me do it, she, at least in some little way, would have thought I was less attractive.

That’s just nasty. I lived with two girlfriends in the past and have never done this. As with #9, she will mirror your actions over time. If you feel it’s ok to shit with the door open, you’re not going to have a healthy relationship.

11. Don’t stop kissing her.

It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it. Other times I had my own issues with germs and whatnot.

There’s no reason to reward poor behavior. If there’s ‘stress’ or ‘tension’ or you’re fighting, sending mixed signals via signs of affection will only hurt you in the long run, by, you know – ruining your marriage. There’s nothing wrong with affection – it’s the glue of relationships – but it has to be consistent. If there’s an argument and you distance yourselves, maintain that distance until she comes around.

Too much of anything is bad. If you’ve ever been on ‘I love you terms’ with a woman, you know the difference between the first few confessions and the perfunctory ‘love ya too’ at the end of 10th phone call before noon.

12. Don’t stop having fun together.

Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other, and I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten into so many ruts in which we didn’t really go out and do anything. And, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that when the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.

One of the sinister downsides to shacked up long term relationships is boredom creep. It becomes increasingly preferable to veg out on the couch and watch some stupid show than to see the world. This is one of the few points I agree with. The best way to ‘maintain’ fun is to have your own hobbies in which you can participate. If you’re in a sport, she can come watch you play. If she’s into music, you can watch her perform. However, men and women innately enjoy different things, so finding an overlap (if it’s not already there) once you’re committed can be tough.

13. Don’t pressure each other.

Pressuring each other about anything is always a recipe for resentment. I always felt so pressured to make more money. I always felt so pressured to not slip in my religion. I always felt so pressured to feel certain ways about things when I felt the opposite. And I usually carried a lot of resentment. Looking back, I can think of just as many times that I pressured her, so I know it was a two-way street.

Notice the self-flagellation. He doesn’t mention a single thing he pressured her about. This is typical female nagging within the confines of an LTR, particularly if you begin to slip up. Felt pressured to make more money? I wonder if it had anything to do with her spending habits (see #7). Once again we come to a question of degree. A little pressure on certain matters is good. If she’s slipping up on the exercise, a backhanded compliment will get the point across. Constant pressure on the other hand is a sign of an exit waiting to happen. If you’re consistently dissatisfied with a particular trait in your partner, you either didn’t screen properly at the onset or he/she presented a good enough advertisement for you to make the purchase and now the gig is up.

14. Don’t label each other with negative labels.

Sometimes the easiest phrases to say in my marriage started with one of three things. Either, “you should have,” “you aren’t,” or “you didn’t.” Inevitably after each of those seemed to come something negative. And since when have negative labels ever helped anyone? They certainly never helped her. Or me. Instead, they seemed to make the action that sparked the label worsen in big ways.

Defaulting to verbal accosting is an easy out, but a faulty one. Remember: actions over words, always. The author claims the solution is to replace negative labels with positive comments, which sounds good in theory but falls apart in execution. You can’t reward bad behavior, so rather than putting the blame on her for an indiscretion, show your disapproval through actions.

I once dated and lived with a girl who had a habit of leaving clothes all over the floor, everywhere. Rather than chastise her (and knowing how much time she spent watching mind-numbing shows on the couch), I would simply gather all her crap and toss it on the couch, right before the episodes began. She got the hint.

15. Don’t skip out on things that are important to her.

It was so easy in marriage to veto so many of the things she enjoyed doing. My reasoning, “we can find things we both enjoy.” That’s lame. There will always be things she enjoys that I will never enjoy, and that’s no reason not to support her in them. Sometimes the only thing she needs is to know that I’m there.

Again, there’s a fine line to this. If she’s into Mimosa Sundays with her gossiping girlfriends, there’s no reason for you to join. Ever. She has her hobbies, you have yours. Maintaining some distance is mandatory when you live together, otherwise you’ll become increasingly annoyed of the ‘other’ breathing down your neck in everything you do.

If you don’t have at least a short list of things you ‘both enjoy’ (beyond eating and fucking), perhaps you didn’t choose wisely to begin with.

16. Don’t emotionally distance yourself after a fight.

I never got to experience the power of make-up sex because any time my wife was mean or we got in a fight, I’d completely distance myself from her, usually for several days. Communication would shut down and I’d avoid contact at all cost. This never let things get worked out, and eventually after it had happened enough times I’d explode unnecessarily.

Correction: he never got to experience the power of make-up sex because he never stood his ground, because she never felt the temporarily loss and the heartbreak it causes, both of which are necessary for the reconciliation to have full effect. In short, she didn’t care if she lost him. And when your woman stops caring, it’s time to go.

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Although long term relationships (and marriage by extension) have an additional set of rules for success, the basic tenets of game still apply. ‘Letting your guard down’ and ‘finally being yourself’ implies incongruent behavior at the beginning of the relationship. This later unveiling of the ‘real’ you is a recipe for disaster. So is the assumption that once the knot is tied the game is over.

It’s never over.

Girl #53 – HB 8 – The Bedroom Battle

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I haven’t worked this hard – ever – but the tougher the battle, the sweeter the victory. 23 year old, thin, natural perky C’s, with a face that screams jailbait. Solid 8. I first met her while bartending. I rarely card but in her case I had to – so young looking. She was completely smashed and although we had a fun conversation, I couldn’t progress far because, well, she was too inebriated to recall anything. I remembered her named, promptly forgot it, then remembered again and added her on Facebook a few days later.

I told he we should hang out when she’s ‘a little more sober’ (subtle neg) and we set up a date. Her interest level was fairly high as she confirmed multiple times over the coming days, so I felt good and didn’t need to double book. Of course I told her we’re going to a local bar (SOP for my dates), but as we had met previously, when she showed up I told her ‘we can go to the bar or stay here, it doesn’t matter to me’. The response I was looking for was ‘I don’t care’ and as she uttered those words I knew this was going to be a good night.

So we skipped the middleman and I made drinks at my place. I put some music on, we sat on the couch – legs touching of course – and talked about random nothings for a good half hour. After the first drink I told her we’re going upstairs to watch a movie for drink #2, at which point I put my hand behind her head, pulled her into me, and got a quick makeout in, topping it off with ‘I like the way you kiss’. It felt like a good moment.

I make the second drink, we head upstairs, I put in a movie and we’re sitting on my bed watching. I go to work before the opening titles finish. I start playing with her hair, rubbing her back, then start kissing again. Lips > neck > shoulder > chest. Unbeatable combination as it hits a lot of the erogenous zones and is still ‘acceptable’ since you’re not grazing any of the goods – yet.

To date, this was my biggest test of bedroom aggression. I normally spare my readers the raunchy details, but in this case it’s necessary as the seduction took place over 3 hours – all on my bed.

I start moving my way down her her shirt, grabbing her tits, sucking on them, but can’t get her shirt off. She’s not letting me remove anything. The phrase of the night soon becomes ‘we’re not doing this tonight, we just met’. It takes me 30 minutes just to get her horizontal. Eventually I undo her bra, but her shirt is still on and she’s adamant about keeping it that way. A few minutes later I get fed up with the resistance and nearly rip it off. I go buffet mode on her tits and she doesn’t mind. We’re getting somewhere, albeit at a snail’s pace.  So I progress lower.

Every time I move my hands to her crotch, she takes them back. I decide to go down on her, but get stopped after going a little too south. I keep cycling between hands and mouth, with almost 0 progress. In the past I’d do a freeze-out (where you show your frustration by removing all attention), but from my experience it just drags the lay out to 2-3 dates – or kills the possibility of it entirely. I’m not having it anymore.

For some reason I recalled this thread on SoSuave. The premise is once you get a girl in your bedroom, anything short of obvious resistance (rape aversion) is just a game. It’s a fine line and I’ll be writing about ‘proper aggression’ in the near future, but know that fortune favors the bold. My logical brain kicks in and I quickly do the math:

  1. She agreed to drink at my place instead of the bar.
  2. She’s in my bed.
  3. She’s heavily resisting, but not really fighting.
  4. I offer(ed) her several exit opportunities so if she really wasn’t having it, she could bounce.

There is no way I’m not getting laid tonight. I tell myself: either you’re fucking her or she fights you off and leaves; there’s no middle ground.

I continue cycling. Eventually I move lower. I unbutton her jeans, but she quickly buttons them again. She says ‘I let you take my shirt off, but I’m staying firm on the pants’. Yea ok. More cycling. Eventually I stretch her jeans enough to fit my hand down and in one split second I’m fingering her. She doesn’t resist, but still won’t let me unbutton. More cycling; the movie is half over.

After the 5th unbuttoning and her questioning me multiple times why I’m so aggressive (my response: ‘because you turn me on’), she gives in and leaves it alone. Now I can move my mouth low enough to suck on her clit, so I stay here for a few minutes. She’s really getting into it. In another split second maneuver I tell her ‘this’ll make it easier’ and yank her skinny jeans off. Now I’m eating her out until orgasm. At that point I decide it’s go time, but she won’t let me get anywhere near.

Serious??

So I come up and make her suck me while I finger her, then try again. No go. I repeat this a few times. By now the movie is over and has automatically restarted. I’m getting borderline mad so I tell her I’m going to tease her and I start playing with her clit with my cock, trying to slip it in just a little more each time. We’re playing ‘just the tip’. As soon as I go there though, she forces me off in a fairly serious manner. This isn’t going to be easy.

But my resolve is unshakable and I continue round after round of eating her out, teasing her, and trying to go in deeper. Eventually I’m half in and a couple times I get in all the way before she pushes me off, sits up, looks at me seriously, and goes ‘why don’t you listen to me?’ (‘because you turn me on’) or ‘why don’t you take no for an answer’ (‘because you turn me on’). As I’m doing all this I’m working on positioning her legs and hands – short of restraint – in a way where I can do what I want. What seems like an eternity later I get her legs up and start pumping her. She still tries to push me off, but can’t. Her last words of resistance: ‘please put on a condom’. Nah, life’s too short for that.

We go at it for another hour and she’s loving it. Totally affectionate. I make sure to stop a couple times and give her a final ‘out’ just in case. I don’t want there to be any confusion about what’s transpiring. But, like the previous stages (shirt off, pants off), once it’s going she’s 100% committed.

If she’s not fighting you in an unmistakable manner, it’s just a game. There’s a clear distinction between a ‘no, try harder’ and a ‘NO’, but it does take a certain level of experience to discern the two. You have to be congruent, it takes balls, and you have to gauge properly.

It was getting late and she was tired/had up to be up for work early, so I let her stay the night. I saw her again the next day and she’s happy as ever. I’m looking forward to seeing her again and definitely adding to my A list.

With every lay, particularly the challenging ones, you learn something new. Your personality changes that extra 0.01% and you become that much more unstoppable. That’s living and I’ll take it.