One of the most insidious phrases heard the world over is ‘just be yourself’. If yourself sucks, that’s terrible advice, but beneath the surface it has some merit. Part of red pill awareness is – in most cases – a total reshaping of your personality with your new-found knowledge of the way things really are. However, there are certain predispositions – cultural and genetic, usually formed over generations – which stick with you regardless.
This is your demeanor.
These aren’t alpha or beta traits, per se, but rather behavioral tendencies you just can’t change. The most common is the introversion-extraversion scale: things like social (hyper)activity, talkativeness, assertiveness, preference of being surrounded by large groups vs. alone time, and so on.
I don’t normally talk much about myself in these posts, but for the purpose of illustration I’ll indulge. Although I’ve lived most of my life stateside (nurture), I’m Eastern European born (nature) and for years I didn’t believe the stereotypes about my countrymen. Then I took a closer look and realized how alike we are, despite leaving when I was but a child.
Throughout my initial fast-paced paradigm shifting days I experimented with different personas and, because some of them were completely incongruent, I felt like a poser. Eventually I understood some of these traits and embraced them, such as:
- I don’t talk much. It’s not that I’m quiet, but I find most things that people get overly excited about (omg did you see his Facebook status?!) on the trivial side and – try as I might – I can’t elevate myself to the same plane of enthusiasm. So I smile and keep my peace. On the flipside, when I want to say something, I hold nothing back. This is being laconic. Once I embraced it, I realized its power: the less you say, the more weight your words carry when you do open your mouth. When I’m in a group and start talking, all attention shifts to me. It’s also a good ‘skill’ to have when you’re out on a date: girls love to talk about themselves and if you listen correctly, you’ll never have awkward moments of silence.
- I have a non-flashy, yet subtly matched style. Excessive attire peacocking doesn’t work for me. I can’t do jewelry, I hate the feel of a watch, I’ll never wear pink, and I like to be comfortable in my clothes. I’m muscular and in great shape – most people who first meet me ask if I’m a fighter – so I play it up. I roll in designer jeans and a t-shirt (sometimes button down) everywhere. Calvin Klein is my brand. I still look good, clothes are form fitting, and it’s not over the top. I wear something black all the time, except summer due to heat.
- I don’t try to gain attention, attention comes to me. Neither method is wrong, but it’s another personality trait. I’m not the guy who photobombs everything; in fact I never ask to have photos taken. As a result, I get dragged into pics. I play the ‘cool guy’ card; I definitely make the rounds and socialize, but I don’t feel the need to be the literal center of attention. My entire game consists of ‘passive interest’ – being the most in-shape, best looking, preferably situationally high-status dude in the group, and it’s all deliberate.
- I’m very direct and aggressive. I will ask some plausibly-deniable questions when I’m on a date, but generally I’m very up front with women to the point of jaws dropping. I initiate kino immediately. I don’t take no for an answer unless it’s very clear (there’s a fine line here). I don’t do routines or NLP or opinion openers or card tricks; not because they don’t work (they do), but because it’s not my style. I tried and it just didn’t feel like ‘me’.
Enough about me. The point is you need to embrace your natural predispositions. If you’re a class clown (and good at it), play the funny card. If being a loud, obnoxious, borderline-sloppy douchebag gets you laid, do it. Spend some time thinking about your natural preferences. I’m not talking about things you avoid for fear of rejection/failure/pain/other potential negative consequences, but rather your choice given A or B.
When you become self-aware, figure out how to embrace and emphasize it in a game-friendly way. If you don’t talk much, be well-read and have a clear, deep voice without any ‘umms’ so when you speak heads turn in awe. If you’re somewhat flighty, emotional, artsy or have a musical inclination, dress the part, play it to a tee, and you’ll have plenty of groupies. Chicks dig the fixer-upper just as much as finding the warm part of a heartless stoic.
Time spent introspecting isn’t idle. I’ve gone months between jobs – not to bum it – but to look within and figure out what I want and what I’m about, with the end result being a very clear cut, long term set of goals with definite steps to get there. That’s priceless.
At some point you’ll cross this ‘confidence threshold’ and learn to take certain immutable parts of yourself and embrace them. It’s this combination that makes you unique.