Several readers have now inquired about the rationalization hamster, or simply the hamster. Although I can’t take credit for the label (that belongs to the Chateau), I’m going to explain what it is and why it’s such a fitting analogy. For humans, the ego is the most precious thing in the world. Its preservation is a thoroughly evolved defense mechanism against coming to terms with certain realities, having your paradigms shattered, and being forced to change as a result. Put another way, we tend to act first and justify later. No one is immune to it, but women have a special way of blocking harsh truths.
The Female Hamster
The hamster spins and spins in his wheel, oblivious to his surroundings. Given some stimuli, he spins faster. He’s a very fit hamster. Much like this furry rodent, women spin rationalizations for their behaviors with increasing fervor directly proportional to the outlandishness of their actions. They’re masters at making excuses rather than admitting wrongdoing.
Cheating? The hamster says: my man wasn’t paying attention to me, I wasn’t feeling loved, I drank too much, I feel bad, it just happened. Never will you hear ‘I fucked up.’
Fat? The hamster says: I go to the gym sometimes, I try to eat healthy, he should love me for me, I’m ‘average’ body type, I’m too busy to work out, I still look hot and get plenty of attention. Never will you hear ‘I can’t say no to cake and I don’t care enough about myself.’
Giving you the runaround? The hamster says: I’m busy with school/work, I’m really tired, my best friend is going out of town and I have to see her, my grandma is sick. Never will you hear ‘I’m not really interested in you.’
If you’ve ever argued with a woman, you can relate to this:
Women follow emotion first, logic a distant second. Men refer to it as ‘chick logic’. It is for this reason that you should never, ever, heed a woman’s words. Observe her actions. If you find yourself in a ‘fight’ and you know you’re right, don’t bother explaining yourself. 9/10 times it won’t register.
There’s no hate here. The hamster is what it is. Women are women and this is how they navigate the world. Many delude themselves beyond the grave. Attempting to change their nature is an exercise in futility, and thus your time is better spent realizing how their brain is wired and adapting. Again: if you follow actions, you’ll see the true motivations. Words are but a smokescreen.
The Male Hamster
Men also have a hamster, but it’s a little more subdued. We still justify our current predicament to compensate for some lack in our lives. The excuses we give are similar to that of women, but because we have a more logical wiring, moments of clarity and subsequent actions are more frequent. In other words, we tend to look for logical solutions to (sometimes illogical) problems. For this reason, our hamster spins slower.
Unfortunately he’s still a strong fucker, as evidenced by the overwhelming majority of white knights siding with poor behavior in hopes of pity sex. It takes a non trivial amount of practice and discipline to be on guard for your own hamsterizations.
The First Cousin: Plausible Deniability
A preemptive rationalization is better known as plausible deniability. One of the most common lines is a date nightcap of ‘let’s go back and watch a movie’, with impending sex as the real motivation. This use of power is more diffused between men and women and is the bread and butter of seduction. Most pickup ‘lines’ employed by both have a hint of deniability; few have the cojones to walk up and say ‘hey, I wanted to meet you. What’s your name?’
‘Us Vs. Them’
Before the butthurt come screaming, this isn’t meant elevate one sex above the other. There’s no superiority because there’s no equality. And there’s no equality because we’re fundamentally different. Recognize the hamster when you see it and act accordingly. Sometimes making him spin can work to your advantage.