An often misinterpreted phenomenon is the assumption that women like to be treated like shit, or that abuse is somehow attractive. Stockholm syndrome theories aside, no one likes to be abused. Women are attracted to men who act like men, but masculinity is often manifest in negative actions. In other words, positive masculinity is extremely rare.
The majority of men act like little girls thanks to some combination of anti-male laws from childhood onward, lack of positive role models (being raised by a single mom), and paying the wrong kind of attention to what women say they want. A minority of men – collectively known as the douchebags women keep falling for despite themselves – represent masculinity which is biologically attractive.
This puts women in a precarious position – they despise their betaboy orbiters and are thus forced to settle for the alpha assholes, but it’s still not their first choice. The ideal man is both masculine and supportive, but he is so rare and so quickly snatched up that most women are left high and dry. If getting a woman to fall in love with you – and I mean truly in love, where you own her soul – is something you strive for, becoming such a man will do the trick.
Now, if you just want to keep banging girls without any commitment or deeper connection, that’s perfectly fine. I’ve written plenty of step by step instructions on initial seduction. On the other hand, if the sex is great and you start developing feelings, blending the right proportions of alpha and beta will result in her heart delivered to you on a silver platter.
That said, it’s important to discern the difference between the 3 degrees of masculinity.
This accounts for the majority of the male population and should be fairly obvious. The next time you find yourself in a social venue (like a bar), sip your beer and observe your surroundings. You might not be able to put your finger on it, but your gut will tell you which men are men and which (most) are pansies. Such men – if you can call them that – are used for constant venting and resource extraction without any sexual reciprocation. Many of them will continue to oblige despite the daily castration. These are the blue pillers.
This accounts for the greater minority of the male population and is likewise obvious. It’s an uncalibrated channeling of masculinity (testosterone). The attraction factor for women is infinitely greater compared to the manboob, but such men often harbor strong feelings of inadequacy and take out their frustrations on whoever happens to be around. To be fair, everyone perpetually compensates for shortcomings, but the difference between negative and positive masculinity is becoming aware of these armor chinks and harnessing that drive for a greater good.
Women stay with abusive men for various reasons which are often complex, but know this – there’s not a single girl on Earth who wakes up and thinks ‘I can’t get wait to get beat up today (physically or emotionally)’. And very few would bother to involve themselves in the first place if they got full disclosure of how they’d be treated. They’re simply attracted to masculinity – in all its forms – and must eventually decide if the pros outweigh the cons.
Although it’s possible to drag out a love-hate relationship, sooner or later it’ll end – dramatically. Do you really want that? A better way – one that takes self control, awareness, and a decision to see both sides – is the elusive positive masculinity.
This accounts for a very small minority. It is this man who women will fight over and try to steal away if given the chance. Positive masculinity is a lengthy topic, but the simplest explanation is the ‘hot douchebag’ who’s rarely a douchebag. It’s taking all the good stuff – wealth, status, looks, fame, game – and combining it with a paternal responsibility of physical and emotional protector.
Protector is not to be confused with getting in every guy’s face who looks at her – women can (and should) handle most situations on their own. In fact, she’ll find it incredibly sexy when her man is confident and laid back enough to let her handle her business. For you, it’s a win because it gives you a chance to gauge her love for you. If she welcomes inappropriate behavior in a social setting, maybe she’s not right for you. After all, you can’t control another person – at least not for long. You have be willing to leave her at any moment regardless of your history together if she crosses the line.
Protector is being her rock. She has to know you have her back – literally and figuratively. She has to feel comfortable enough to open up and share her deepest, darkest concerns with you, knowing that you have the best interest of both of you at heart. At the same time, this has to be balanced with another aspect of masculinity – discipline. To some extent, she’ll always test boundaries. It’s her way of fulfilling a constant need to know she has the best. This is insidiously manifest in small actions, but over time they add up and in aggregate cause the relationship to flourish or wither.
For example, my current girlfriend was late a couple times when I was coming to see her. While I understand that women generally have a looser sense of time (they’re almost always late – to everything), it’s still unacceptable to me. On this particular night I wasn’t having it. I told her twice – in advance – that I was on my way and she confirmed. When I showed up and she wasn’t there, I was pissed. To be fair I was running a little early, but it still set me off. She showed up almost on time and I calmly told her that because I was early it’s ok, but next time if she’s not there when she says she will be, I won’t be coming up until she’s already home. And if it happens again after that, I won’t be coming up at all. She hasn’t been late since. Little things.
Positive masculinity is a difficult concept to grasp for most men because they’ve never experienced or seen it.
I’ve had a few mentors, but even then it was only the past couple years that I began to grasp what it means to properly balance a relationship – how to find that ideal blend of saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and having a woman who respects and loves you for it.