Category Archives: Alpha

How To Be Alpha In A Relationship – Part 1: A Proper Beginning

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This marks the start of a series about relationship management and how to stay alpha within the context of one. It’s extremely common for men in the beta recovery stage – the ones who have almost internalized the alpha mindset and behavior concepts – to regress once they get a girlfriend. ‘He’s not the man I fell in love with’ is a typical breakup reason.

A constructive, loving relationship is a different animal from seduction and requires a healthy dose of beta fuel to flourish, but it’s still built on an unwavering alpha precedent.

So – you got the bang, liked it, continued sexing her up, started dating, and feelings surfaced. If you did it right, she was the one who fell for you and yearned for commitment. This is a critical point to consider – relationships are a woman’s prerogative. Sexual, emotional, and provisional exclusivity is the female imperative.

It is your gift to her. Always remember this and you’ll set the proper frame for your relationship. You should never be the first to say ‘I love you’ or ‘let’s be monogamous’ unless you’re looking for a guarantee of failure. Maybe not in the next month, or year, or even decade, but a wrong start will always lead to an undesirable end.

Biologically you’re giving up your sexual mating strategy in favor of hers, so she better be worth it. And I get it, the majority of betas (and younger men in general) will jump at the chance for a committed relationship, but they do it for the wrong reason – the assumption that becoming official will somehow curb female hypergamic nature. Time and time again they’re proven wrong when she cheats shortly after – or worse yet, years down the road.

So first and foremost, it has to come from her. Even then, you’re not required to accept the initial request. When a woman tells you she loves you, if you don’t quite feel the same way you don’t have to lie. If she questions you about it, tell her it takes longer for you to develop those feelings. She wants to win your heart – don’t give your most prized possession freely.

At the same time, don’t drag your feet. If you’re just riding the sex train until she leaves (usually a 2-4 month cycle) that’s one thing, but if she’s made it known – multiple times – that she wants to be more and you feel the same way, take the plunge. But before you do, ask yourself – what’s your long term goal?

The Goal – A Serious Matter

Love is no joke. It can inspire and make you feel like you’re on top of the world, or it can lead to suicide and everything in-between. Don’t take matters of the heart lightly. Before you grant access, determine a long term goal for your relationship. To each his own, but based on my 3 life philosophies, I’m not one to cheat. I’m all or nothing and if I make a decision, I commit to it fully. Therefore it’s imperative to plan for a certain outcome.

If you want companionship and consistent sex while you focus on your life mission, that’s fine, but realize that if there’s not at least potential for something more, the breakup will be painful. And then you’ll have to come back here for guidance on getting over your ex. Is it worth it to you? It may or may not be, but asking yourself these questions is of the utmost importance.

Personally, I see no reason for a monogamous relationship if children aren’t on the radar. Not immediately mind you, but if you can’t see yourself having kids with her down the road, the whole thing is a lie. Unless you don’t want children, then it’s a different story. It is for this reason that I advise most men in their 20’s to avoid serious relationships. Your SMV is still low, maturity (based on experience) is lacking, you’re not at a life stage where you seriously consider offspring, and if you’re like most people, you have no idea what you want to do.

If you’re not on a mission, she’s only going to complicate the self discovery process. Figure that out first.

Finally, be absolutely sure that she fulfills all of your relationship requirements. Is she smoking hot? Does she take care of herself? Will she continue to do so? What does her mother look like? Is she gentle, nurturing, feminine? Is she a little needy (not a bad thing)? Does she have any seriously destructive behaviors? Is she protective of your bond, i.e. does she covertly fight off female competition? Is she making positive changes in her life? Does she strive to become better for you?

Don’t proceed until all your questions are answered. This can take weeks, months, or years and it’s not something you ask – her character is manifest in action.

In summary, the first part to being alpha in a relationship is:

  1. Let her come to you. She wants to win you over – constantly. Relationships, kids, marriage – none of these will satisfy her insatiable desire to beat out the competition. This is what ‘being the prize’ means.
  2. Do it for the right reasons. If you don’t see a future potential for children, it’s a faulty premise. Unless you either don’t want kids or accept the eventual heartache of a breakup, there’s no point.
  3. Make sure she’s girlfriend material. The ideal woman doesn’t exist. Everyone is damaged and everyone has baggage, but if she checks off the big items and strives to be the best for you, give her a chance to prove it.

Victory Through Psychological Warfare

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Make no mistake, as a man the laws are stacked against you. At least in Western society you are – by default – guilty until proven innocent. In a feminist state where manginas amend laws to appease the unappeasable in hopes of sexual reciprocation (although I doubt why anyone would want to stick their tool in these ‘women’), the only path to justice is psychological warfare, aka dominance.

Alphas are forgiven and rewarded. Betas are lambs to the slaughter.

You can observe this simple truth every day. The exact same things said and done by men perceived as alpha may raise a couple eyebrows but are either accepted or quickly forgiven, while so much as a word of protest from a beta will have him ostracized or publicly humiliated. On the surface it doesn’t make sense, but a deeper inspection will reveal a truth common to both sexes: the highly valued among us can get away with more. A simple illustration, if you will:

If you’re beta and you smack a girl, you’re going to jail.

If you’re alpha and you smack a girl, she’ll fuck your brains out.

See: Rihanna.

I’m not advocating physical abuse beyond playful hitting or rough sex, but I never said the truth would be pretty either. This trickles down into every interaction if you just open your eyes. Give a finger and they’ll take your arm and still want more, so play smart and keep the initiative. Here are some things you can do starting right now:

  1. Cover your ass. Especially on first dates or any one night stand where alcohol may be involved, make sure you have evidence on the off chance there’s any regret on her part. Text messages are best. Also, don’t do anything too stupid. I recently had a one night stand where the girl literally wanted me to bruise her up. In my mind I’m thinking hell no, so I just told her ‘maybe when I get to know you better’, got confirmation that she had fun on the date the next day, and never spoke to her again. You don’t need drama like that.
  2. Don’t be apologetic. While there’s a time and place for saying sorry, it’s extremely rare and in most cases a sign of weakness rather than an honest admission of wrongdoing. The moment you start apologizing is the moment you signal to her that you’re willing to be taken advantage of. If you fucked up, tell her it wasn’t your intention to hurt her and don’t do it again, but the more you apologize for your natural masculine state, the less she’ll respect you.
  3. Enter with boldness and ‘cover’ mistakes with more boldness. Corollary to the above, a wrong decision is better than no decision. I’m sure you’ve heard ‘fortune favors the bold’. You’re still human and you’re going to make mistakes, but your strength as a man is your ability to press on regardless, to make a choice and stick to it. If you do something that causes an unfavorable outcome, oh well. Indecision will lead to a life of perpetual misery, but a bunch of wrong decisions will teach, instill the proper mindset, and eventually bring about enough right ones to make the journey worthwhile.
  4. Don’t give away your cards. Tease, evade, obfuscate. Don’t ever say exactly what you think, do, or plan to do. Women are masters at this as they come with a pre-installed hamster on roids - they can essentially lie without even realizing it. Men are a little more handicapped so training is required, but once you apply this concept just a little you’ll begin to see the power it brings.
  5. Worry about yourself first and foremost. The world doesn’t give a shit about you. Everyone is out for themselves. All love is conditional – even your family and whatever higher power you believe in have their respective requirements. As a result, take care of numero uno because ultimately, no one else will. This isn’t morbid, it’s just a statement of fact. By all means give your heart and your time to those who deserve it and try to make the world a better place, but realize that people love, respect, and bestow power on those who look after themselves. In a sense, narcissism acts as a mirror to those around us – we see someone preoccupied with themselves and we can’t help but give them more attention because we want to be like that and hope it’ll rub off.

Wage war in the only way that makes sense today: covertly.

Be A Self Made Man

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A few nights ago I was having a drink with my one of my buddies while talking business. He never went to college and barely graduated high school, yet here he is – roughly my age – making high 6 figures running his own multimillion dollar local cleaning business. A part of me is envious. He’s ‘made it’. He knows the hustle. Another part of me doesn’t want to trade in for his short stature, overweight frame, and ‘yes if drunk’ wife who’s entirely too high maintenance (quite literally a trophy wife, though she’s not much of a trophy), but that’s beside the point.

I can’t help but respect him. It takes balls to flip the bird to everything your parents, your friends, and society tells you and cut your own path. He said something so obvious, yet so succinct coming from someone who’s living it, that it stuck:

No one who ever worked hard and really cared didn’t succeed.

It really is that simple. Money, power, women, whatever you desire (happiness is a byproduct) – it’s a 2 step process.

  1. Find something you care about.
  2. Work hard at it.

There’s no need to complicate the purity of this maxim. What do you care about? Fuck what anyone says. What do you want?

We live in an unprecedented time of opportunity. There are tons of jobs everywhere. Some are less glorious than others and some pay more or less, but they’re available. A lot of businesses can be started with little to no up front expenses. Even more businesses are economies of scale. 99% of broke people are lazy and lack rudimentary financial discipline.

Women are everywhere and it’s easier than ever to connect with an unlimited supply. If you’re not ___ enough to get a date with her, work on getting into the next league while keeping your eyes open for a willing participant. If one crosses the line and disrespects you a little, remove yourself and let her come back after she’s had some time to think about it. If she doesn’t, so be it. If she really crosses the line, cut her off and find someone else. Relationships are give and take – just make sure it’s not you disproportionately giving.

If you’re out of shape you only have yourself to blame. Relatively healthy food is cheap. It’s only ‘too expensive to eat right’ if you compare Whole Foods to McDonald’s. Shopping at Costco is often cheaper per-calorie than any fast food joint. You can exercise for free. If you really don’t want to spend money on a gym membership (which is one of the best expenses there is), get some pushup handles, a pullup bar, and do a calisthenics routine.

Social prowess is a result of continuous practice. If you don’t know how to talk to women, go out there and start talking to them. If your job/lifestyle prevents it, change one (or both). Gaining status and becoming famous – to some degree – is a function of getting your name out there. People won’t just ‘know’ who you are unless you promote yourself.

In short, be a self made man. You don’t have to quit school or your job necessarily, but take the time to figure out what you like, what gives you energy and intensity and pursue that – the rest of the world be damned.

Self Improvement For The Big Ego Man

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As you may have noticed, I focus a lot on self improvement in the 5 main alpha characteristics – looks, wealth, status, fame, and game. Most resources tout game above all else, which I find more than a little disturbing. To be fair, for the majority of men game is the quickest path to getting the lay, but like all shortcuts it has severe limitations.

First, there are no shortcuts to lasting success. You can spend your entire life chasing skirts, but you’ll miss the fringe benefits of years of development into a successful man. Money can buy happiness and the people who say otherwise typically don’t have much. But how will you build any substantial wealth if you spend most of your time on women? Looks matter, but how many guys think that having a great body is unnecessary if your game is tight, then wonder why she’s drooling over the ‘douchebag’ with nice arms and abs. I’d rather (semi) retire 30 years early.

Second, game itself will only work so much and for so long. Past a certain age, a man is expected to have something to show for his time on this planet. My worst fear is growing fat and old and still driving a car that barely runs, with no hope of ever attracting even a semi cute, young girl – but look how common that is today. Of course I don’t know what these men have been through, but I’m willing to bet most of them didn’t have the full deck stacked against them.

As you get older and your SMV rises, you’ll need more compensatory traits. A 40 year old can’t expect to put on some fresh clothes, hit the town and pick up a 21 year old hard 9 with his charm alone – he’d better have some cash and status to seal the deal. Unfortunately, these things take time to build and there is such a thing as too late to start (or to reach a certain peak). Don’t let that be you.

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I say all this because I have a huge ego. Biologically higher value of egg vs. sperm be damned, I want women to come to me. Don’t we all? But like all wishful thinking, there’s good news and bad news.

The bad news is that few men will briefly experience this, and most will never experience it at all. Why? Because they keep chasing T&A now to the exclusion of a bigger T&A payoff later. Instant gratification is easy to succumb to.

The good news is that it can – and does – happen. I’ve had a few glimpses through working in various fields where I’m the contextual alpha (personal training and bartending) and every now and then a girl will approach and in so many words tell you she’s yours whenever you’ll have her. You can see women the world over fantasizing about rock stars, movie stars, and sports figures. I realize few of us will attain these levels of celebrity, but even a fraction thereof is enough to never live a dry day again.

And because my ego is huge, my mindset is focused on the harder path, but one with greater rewards. I talk about game, tips, and post lay reports, but that’s not the primary goal. Women can come and go as they please – I have bigger fish to fry. In a twisted way I actually enjoy downtime from girls. I often go ghost just to see who contacts to me and how often, as it’s a good indicator of interest (and thus my relative value). If they all peaced out tomorrow, I’d work even harder to get a fresh batch ‘passively’.

Develop your game while focusing on the money. Exercise like you’re getting paid for it (you are actually). Do all of this thoroughly, passionately, and word will spread about your intensity in life. Women will pick up on this, don’t you worry.

There are so few men in this world who focus on the big buffet – most are content with scraps every few days – that when a woman sees one she can’t help but wet her panties. Look, this shit is simple. You’re judged as an aggregate success object and the higher you score the more bangin’ women will come to you. Rise past a certain point and they will approach you. Now wouldn’t that be something?

Get to it.

What Would Alpha Do?

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tyler-durden

As you’re going through the steps of realigning your personality with whatever ideal you aspire to, you’re likely to experience moments of confusion. Lots of them. In such situations – before the transformation is complete – you need a guiding beacon.

Without delving into the nitty gritty definition of what makes an alpha male, even a nebulous concept thereof can be judged on sight by both sexes. You may not be able to quite put your finger on why, but you just know if a guy is acting like an alpha or a fag. Beyond the rude awakening to the workings of the sexual marketplace, even a recovering beta knows how he should act. His challenge is the follow through.

So in moments of clinging weakness, ask yourself:

What would alpha do?

You’ll most likely get an answer you won’t like and it won’t always be correct, but even the ‘wrong’ path will be better than your initial course of action.

On top of that, doing so allows you to shift responsibility onto an imaginary persona. Sounds quack right? Not really. One of the hardest things to overcome after unplugging is cognitive dissonance. Past a certain extent we never get rid of it, as rationalization is a natural human coping/ego preservation mechanism, but the more you can subdue this impulse the clearer your mind will become.

From a logical standpoint, you won’t know exactly who you are during your transition, so an external guide is necessary. This guide is usually some combination of mentors, books, visual media, and firsthand observation – but it’s not always available. In those dire moments when you don’t know how to act, that nonexistent idealization of the man you want to be will have the answer. It’s better than the former ‘you’, but not quite the perfect ‘you’. It’s a ‘you in progress’. Do it enough times and you just might start becoming the very person you imagine.

Watch Fight Club if you haven’t. It’s a perfect example of this alpha/beta dichotomy with subsequent transformation and easily a top 10 movie.