Who’s the bigger alpha? The family man with an exponential lineage or the perpetual player, sans offspring?
I’m not going to give you a conclusive answer to this never-ending debate (because I don’t have one), but rather food for thought. Having briefly touched on it before, today we’ll dig a little deeper. Multiple outlets have defined the alpha male by his ability to captivate the greatest amount of sexual interest from attractive women, as compared to other men. Some have taken it a step further, associating a particular notch count with alphaness (or lack thereof).
While this is a tangible metric – after all a man who’s capable of banging hot girls regularly must have something going for him – it’s still an incomplete working definition as the sex doesn’t result in procreation.
The Uber Alphas
The days of the uber alpha are gone. We no longer have Genghis Khan with his 200,000 descendants, King Solomon with his 700 wives and mistresses, or the pharaohs of yore. The men who slept with and impregnated large volumes of women – by law or by force – and who are ultimately responsible for the big slice of today’s civilization, will forever remain in the history books. I suppose the closest thing is the sperm bank (consanguinity notwithstanding).
Socially it works. The past two generations saw the rise of ‘female empowerment’ (feminism), reliable contraception, no-frills abortion, and effective STD prevention and treatment. With this came the freedom to fuck who you want, when you want, with little social and biological repercussions. And so the man who makes the rounds is – for all intents and purposes – the bigger alpha. If my notch count is higher than yours and the mean hotness of my girls is higher, I win. And if they regularly fight each other for my attention, I really win. It’s hard to argue. For reference, pick any good looking man in the limelight.
This is a good approximation, but it doesn’t account for diminishing returns. Beyond a certain notch count – which is different for every man – sleeping with additional women doesn’t do much in terms of acquiring new skills or learning what makes them tick. Your process is refined as you approach mastery, no doubt, but as you keep going down that road each new hole just feels like all the other holes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – desensitization is a natural outcome of extensive exposure to anything.
Think of it this way. The difference between a $50k and a $100k job is paramount, but for most people happiness based on financial independence tapers off significantly past the $70k mark. A $50k office drone will need 20 years to gross $1mil, but what’s the observable difference between someone making $9mil vs. $10mil? Or what’s the difference between a dude with $1bil or $2bil? There’s nothing money can buy anyway.
The point is, eventually you just ‘get it’. If I slept with 10 women and you just popped your cherry, I’m light-years ahead. But if I slept with 90 and you tagged 100, is it really a big deal?
Biologically it doesn’t. Most proponents of game like to break down interactions into science and this is where the ‘societal alpha’ fails. We’re the only species who purposely circumvent progeny. Thus, from a propagation standpoint the guy who’s banging hundreds of women – but impregnating none of them – is a genetic loser.
When you turn to dust – bum and billionaire alike – what legacy will you leave behind? Biologically, the welfare dropout with 10 bastards holds the alpha playboy in spades. And this is where the debate heats up. The counterargument is ‘what about the beta husband with kids and a cheating wife who despises him?’ A common example is the subservient, pussy whipped, oblivious husband on just about every sitcom.
Maybe they married young, she popped out a few sprogs, they got fat and happy together, and now she despises him because ‘the spark’ is gone and her girlfriends keep telling her she’s ‘missing out’, though none of them can definitively answer what she’s missing. Or maybe they’re just ghetto and have nothing better to do than procreate in-between McDonald’s shifts.
But what about the ‘alpha father’, the married man with children whose wife actually loves him. Scary thought, huh? It’s a bit of fairy tale – particularly in today’s climate – but it’s entirely possible even with all the odds stacked against him.
The Answer In The Middle
It’s a natural human tendency to seek extremes when debating. Either the guy is an alpha because he has some workable combination of looks, status, wealth, fame, game, and is banging it out with a new girl every week, or he’s a total beta because he’s hitched to a hausfrau on the verge of divorce who hasn’t spread for him in years.
As with anything, the answer can usually be found in the middle. This is what most of us – men and women alike – aim for: to be (or be with) a man who is the right combination of social and biological alpha. Does this man exist? Kind of. It’s a constant struggle to be both, as they are at odds with each other. Parenthood, monogamy, and the monotonous routine of family life is the extreme opposite of carefree philandering with insignificant liabilities. Differing sexual mating strategies (male: extensive, female: intensive) say so.
So I leave you, the readers, with the question: who’s the bigger alpha?