Category Archives: Fear

How To Get Over Your Ex

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So you managed to snag a cutie, commit, and have some semblance of a relationship. Somewhere along the way things started going south. The sex became a little duller each time, the frequency dropped, the arguments started, and you had an uneasy gut feeling that something just wasn’t right. Before you know it, it’s over and you’re left high and dry.

Dramatic, short lived relationships are more prevalent among the younger crowd – before the naivete is beaten out of you – but no one is immune to the heartache. Dealing with the aftermath is tough, but it’s also a great opportunity to grow. In fact, it’s one of the best times to make positive, life altering changes, to let go of bad habits and start building good ones. You have a chance based on real life experience to analyze what happened, look inside yourself, and come out a better, stronger, more driven person.

While this is primarily aimed at men, female readers can learn a few things as well. The obvious byproduct of a breakup is (a lot) more free time. Take some of this time and consider the following, in no particular order:

  1. It’s not the end of the world. Young men in particular seem to think life as they know it is over when a girl dumps them. It’s not, but it is a leading cause of suicides. Adolescent years are the most volatile – I know, I’ve cried my heart out over a girl as a teenager – so if you fit in this category, do yourself a favor and let time do its thing. This storm will pass and a few years later you’ll laugh at how silly the whole thing was. Parents – telling a teen to be ‘less dramatic’ is an exercise in futility. Support them by lending an ear only when they want to talk and above all, keep them safe. They’ll figure out the rest on their own.
  2. Everything ends. Not a morbid statement, just a fact. We’re all born alone, and we all die alone. Relationships can start and end for any reason at any time. Marriage, children, love – none of these are guarantees of a fulfilling existence. With experience, you’ll create your own philosophies and realize when a relationship has run its course. It may sting a little, but thank whoever you believe in for the good times and move on. Loss is a natural part of life.
  3. Reasons for the breakup are relevant. It’s important to take a step back and see what you did right/wrong, what she did right/wrong, what was good, bad, and ugly about your time together, at what point it started a steady decline (often caused by a recovering beta who was alpha enough during the initial seduction but reverted to his old ways), and what was the nail in the coffin. Why? So you can avoid as much of this as possible with the next girl.
  4. Reasons for the breakup are irrelevant. Contradictory to the above, the reasons for the breakup don’t change what happened. It’s over and it’s time to move on. Once you’ve gleaned what lessons there were, there’s no reason to dwell on it in hopes of extracting additional knowledge. There’s only so much you can take away before diminishing returns kick in, so start applying what you learned.
  5. Why do you want/need a relationship at this moment? During my late teens/early 20′s, I was a serial monogamist. I couldn’t stand being alone – I felt ‘incomplete’. This was a silly notion, but in retrospect it took quite a few relationships for me to realize that a woman will never make me happy. I have to make me happy. She can add to it, sure, but she can’t be the source. If she is, you have some serious work to do on yourself first. As long as you focus on becoming a high value man, there will be no shortage of women in your life.
  6. Was it really all that good? One of the insidious side effects of pair bonding is an unhealthy embellishment of the facts. She seems prettier than she is, the sex ‘more amazing’ that it is, major red flags are swept under the rug, and everything positive is blown out of proportion while the negative is conveniently ignored. But was it really that great and did you have anything/anyone to compare her to? Be honest with yourself.
  7. Did you enjoy getting used to each other? Complacency is the kiss of death for relationships, personal development, and any sort of self improvement, yet look at how many couples get ‘fat and happy’ together. Both stop exercising because there’s ‘no one to impress’ (I was guilty of this), men stop going out with their friends and slowly revert to a scarcity mindset, women start wearing sweats and forget what ‘getting ready’ means, mundane routines scheduled around her favorite TV shows take over, and there’s no mystery left. Even the bathroom door is left open.

Once you’ve digested that, here are some steps you can take to get over her:

  1. Realize it’s over and there’s no going back, ever. A breakup is a serious thing. It’s not a ‘big fight’, it’s the end. People typically get back together because they don’t have better options, are afraid to be on their own for a while, or due to some financial consideration. Women are pretty good at monkey branching, so it’s often the man who wants her back (or doesn’t want to let her go). It might be hard for a while, but the more you keep denying finality the longer you’ll be miserable. IT’S OVER.
  2. Be tough about no contact. First, there’s a good chance you’ll be highly tempted to call/text/schedule a platonic get together bitch session. Don’t. Find something else to do – anything – but be true to yourself about maintaining no contact. Delete her number, unfriend/block on Facebook, whatever you have to do. The longer you stay in touch, the worse it’ll be. You might (and this is rare) be cordial acquaintances years down the road and if that wishful thinking does the trick then great, but for now no contact = NO CONTACT. Second, after the breakup there’s a 99% chance she’ll have a WTF moment when she realizes you went cold turkey, so guess what she’ll do? That’s right, she’s going to contact you. Don’t answer. DO NOT ANSWER. You will only drag out the pain and she’s sadistic enough to put you through it. Women don’t fully realize the effect this has on heartbroken betas, so go tryhard mode and pretend she never called. Not answering will speed up the healing process. Answering will slow it down. Simple, right?
  3. There’s no reason for ‘closure’. To expound on the above, girls love to get ‘closure’. They want to walk away knowing – with 100% certainty – that they made the right decision by leaving you. That’s how her hamster works. Whatever your transgressions may have been, don’t give her this victory. Leave with your head held high regardless of how shitty you feel. NO talking about feelings, NO talking about still being friends, NO talking at all. If she dumped you despite your goodwill, this is your revenge part 1 (part 2 is becoming a better man than she ever dated). You already got closure – the breakup.
  4. Give it time. Once it happens, you’ll want to get over it right away – or as quickly as possible. I have some bad news. Depending on the length, severity, and other factors, the process of letting go can take quite a while. Some people who have been exclusive for decades never recover from their loss. Hopefully it’s only been a few months or a couple years for you or you’re so fed up that you can’t wait to say good riddance. My last 1.5 year LTR took a few months of pouting, several rebound fucks, and a couple casual relationships to get over. In other words, it’s gonna be a minute. There are plenty of things you can do in the interim to accelerate this change, but past a certain point it really is a matter of time.
  5. Think about what you missed out on during the relationship. It’s important to think positive. You’re alive. There are tons of women (most likely hotter) out there for the taking. You can now do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want. Think about everything you gave up during the relationship. I’m not just talking about sex with other women, but time with friends, your hobbies, maybe your dreams, and likely a part of your identity. Now go get it back and never let another relationship put you in the same position.
  6. Lift/run/get your body right. Raise your hand if you and/or your girlfriend porked out a few months after ‘the talk’. It’s a common occurrence but there’s nothing good about it. Fitness is a lifestyle. You do have someone to impress and guess what – it’s not your girlfriend. Furthermore, if you’re in shape and she was too but now got fat, that’s reason enough to bounce if she didn’t take multiple hints. It’s the second worst form of disrespect toward a man (next to cuckolding). Get back in the gym, get your body right, commit to keeping it right, and expect nothing less from women you date in the future. Training is therapeutic on many levels. It’s incredible for anger/sadness management. It gets your mind off her for a while. You’ll feel an order of magnitude better – even if temporarily – after a good night with the iron, and if you’re constantly depressed it’ll work wonders to help you snap out of it.
  7. Work more/get a second job. You need to keep your mind occupied as it’s going to be your worst enemy for a while. It’s easy to mope around with all this ‘free’ time you now have. First bonus: you’ll make more money to help generate wealth faster. While I don’t advocate working for work’s sake, this is an exception. Get a job where you interact with attractive women if possible. Second bonus: even if you’re in the dumps, having hot chicks in your vicinity is proven to make you feel better. Biology is a beautiful thing.
  8. Force yourself to be social. This is a tough one. The most common response to a breakup – particularly one you didn’t want – is to retreat from society and turn to mindless entertainment. While this will help pass the time, it’ll hurt you in the long run. Force yourself to be social. This doesn’t mean hitting the bar every night, but reconnect with some friends, go to events, pick up hobbies you dropped (or try new ones), basically anything that puts you in a group with other people. You don’t have to do this often – once or twice a week is sufficient to keep you from obsessing over your predicament. Who knows, you might meet a hottie and forget all about your ex.
  9. Force yourself to talk to cute girls. Part of getting the second job (or putting in extra shifts) and becoming more social – aside from staying productive – is to desensitize yourself to your ex via introduction to multiple attractive women. Regardless of our status, men see a hot piece of ass and want it. All of us. So by surrounding yourself with hot pieces of ass, your special snowflake ex won’t seem so special anymore. Also, because it’s a numbers game, talking to enough cute girls is likely to lead to:
  10. Get a rebound (or several). What’s better than pussy? New pussy. The quickest way to get over your ex is to bang it out with one or more girls who are prettier. This may not always be possible so don’t worry if your one night stands are a point or two lower – just don’t dumpster dive. Better yet, it’s a special type of revenge. It happened to me once. I got over one of my ex’s quick and one day she showed up – unannounced – to ‘grab something she forgot’ only to find my (significantly hotter) rebound in a bikini on my couch (we just got back from the pool). She didn’t say much there, but I could see the disdain in her eyes. Shortly after she nearly kicked down my door in the middle of the night because my quick turnaround pissed her off something awful. It was sweeter than any ‘fuck you’ I could have said.
  11. Stay away from drugs. Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol or other substances. Have a few drinks, sure, but if you waste your newfound single time becoming a worse person, she won. I’ve given you plenty of things to stay occupied and come out ahead, so this is a no-brainer.
  12. Enjoy the single life for a while (or for a long time). The best realization – for me anyway – came after my last serious relationship ended almost 5 years ago. I decided to remain single (non-exclusive) while becoming a high value man. I do want another serious relationship, but not until I’m ready for children. Until then it’s dating, dating, and more dating. As a result, I’ve 1) gotten laid with way more, hotter women than I thought possible at the time, 2) was able to slowly but surely invest most of the money I would have spent on useless crap, which is speeding up my early ‘semi-retirement’, 3) made fitness a lifestyle – forever, and 4) become a lot tougher on myself and the women I date in terms of what I’ll put up with. Sure I’ve lost some ‘good ones’ along the way, but there will be plenty more around the corner. So take the time and think if you really need, or even want a relationship right now. Think of the possibilities of staying single for a while (especially through your 20′s) and you may have a revelation.

Make a commitment to yourself to become a certain type of man no matter what. This is called building your life how you want. It’s a slow, methodical process and you’re responsible for all of it. If she left you, make her regret it (she will) by becoming a better man she’ll ever be with. You don’t need to tell or show – don’t worry she’ll find out anyway. However, by the time it happens you’ll be over her, have much more attractive and compatible women vying for your attention, and kick yourself a little for not letting go sooner.

What Would Alpha Do?

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As you’re going through the steps of realigning your personality with whatever ideal you aspire to, you’re likely to experience moments of confusion. Lots of them. In such situations – before the transformation is complete – you need a guiding beacon.

Without delving into the nitty gritty definition of what makes an alpha male, even a nebulous concept thereof can be judged on sight by both sexes. You may not be able to quite put your finger on why, but you just know if a guy is acting like an alpha or a fag. Beyond the rude awakening to the workings of the sexual marketplace, even a recovering beta knows how he should act. His challenge is the follow through.

So in moments of clinging weakness, ask yourself:

What would alpha do?

You’ll most likely get an answer you won’t like and it won’t always be correct, but even the ‘wrong’ path will be better than your initial course of action.

On top of that, doing so allows you to shift responsibility onto an imaginary persona. Sounds quack right? Not really. One of the hardest things to overcome after unplugging is cognitive dissonance. Past a certain extent we never get rid of it, as rationalization is a natural human coping/ego preservation mechanism, but the more you can subdue this impulse the clearer your mind will become.

From a logical standpoint, you won’t know exactly who you are during your transition, so an external guide is necessary. This guide is usually some combination of mentors, books, visual media, and firsthand observation – but it’s not always available. In those dire moments when you don’t know how to act, that nonexistent idealization of the man you want to be will have the answer. It’s better than the former ‘you’, but not quite the perfect ‘you’. It’s a ‘you in progress’. Do it enough times and you just might start becoming the very person you imagine.

Watch Fight Club if you haven’t. It’s a perfect example of this alpha/beta dichotomy with subsequent transformation and easily a top 10 movie.

Professional Students – Get Out Of School And Don’t Go Back

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The best way to become attractive to women is to become an attractive man. Durr. However, this little detail gets swept under the rug daily. The primary focus, then, should be on continuous self improvement. However, just like wealth generation is largely a product of minimizing expenses, becoming alpha is largely a product of minimizing poor life choices wastes of time and money.

One such choice that’s becoming more prevalent is the professional student. Women are guilty of this a lot more, but they have an excuse: they’re searching for hubby. Most women don’t really care to work. They want a man to pay their way, maybe have some fun BS job on the side, possibly raise kids, and generally live a life of leisure. In fact, most women I’ve met who ‘accidentally’ got knocked up admitted to changing their mind about a professional career. You just can’t fuck with biology.

Increasingly however, men are spending more time in school or going back for further education. How many grad students does the world really need? Not many. While certain professions require extensive degrees (surgeons for example), most don’t. I spent 6 years (1 year too many, but I had fun) in college getting a degree in a solid field, but one that I don’t care for after a few years on the job. In retrospect, every successful financial endeavor I’ve undertaken has required minimal schooling. Maybe I’m an autodidact, or maybe there’s such a wealth of knowledge out there that with a little brain and a lot of hustle you don’t need it in the first place. Some of the most in-demand fields – like software development – value experience and skill well above a piece of paper.

The entire education system is a giant scam, but that’s not what this post is about. Whether you’re thinking about university, getting a higher degree, or going back, consider the following:

  1. Majority of students move back home. Schools are cash cows and grossly overpopulated. Demand for jobs is much lower than the yearly supply of pointless degrees. Few students get internships, fewer still get paid internships, and even less have offers lined up by graduation. As a result, most come home after years of marginally useful ‘training’ to find themselves no better off than high school. Except there’s that piece of paper that’s supposed to magically make you dreams come true.
  2. Majority of students have huge loans that take years (decades?) to pay off. The dirty little secret schools don’t tell you about those 6 figure professions is the high 6 figure loan you’re likely to inherit before walking down the aisle. High income is pointless when coupled with high expenses. Colleges don’t give a shit about you earning money and getting your piece of the pie. They’ll dangle the carrot as long as you keep chasing it with credit. Most loans exceed the final cost of a house.
  3. Majority of students don’t have a career in their field of study. To really pour salt on the wound, upon graduation most students don’t even like what they went to school for in the first place. With a near total lack of real life experience in the field, it can be a huge shock to find out how much you despise something you spent years learning about. So now you’ve wasted half a decade, possibly a lifetime of savings, and you don’t even enjoy what you applied for.
  4. People go back to school out of fear of the real world. Often, once the supersaturated graduating class sees the complete lack of employment opportunities, they believe that more schooling is the solution. A few more years and suffixes after your name must be what employers are looking for. But really it’s just hiding from fear of the real world. By late 20′s those in school still have no idea how to make it ‘out there’, practically. By the time they finally get a job, people throughout most of human history would have already died.
  5. Less time to explore, try, and figure out your passion. Unfortunately, there’s no catch-all to find your calling. You have to experiment and be unafraid to let go and try something new, but it’s a young man’s game and the clock is ticking. Much like discovering your demeanor, finding what you like is often a process of elimination. In other words, you arrive at your passion by trying a bunch of stuff you hate first. Of course, some are lucky enough to know exactly what they want early on, but the rest of us mortals have soul searching ahead.
  6. Less time to earn money and build wealth. Compound interest, compound interest, compound interest. A decade or two of not putting away money regularly – even if it’s just $100 a paycheck – is the difference between early retirement and working at Walmart. Hindsight’s a bitch; if I had known I’d want nothing to do with my degree and simply chose to work in a few lucrative, low entry cost fields instead (which I have since), I’d be sitting on a mid 6 figure nest egg. But I was younger and dumber.
  7. Sometimes it is too late. One of the most delusional sayings is ‘it’s never too late’, often uttered by those in the opposite predicament. ‘Better now than later’ is more fitting. ‘Better never, you missed the train’ is the most fitting. If you spend over a decade in higher education for anything less than a high income profession, or choose to abandon said profession, statistically – unless you have an exceptional windfall of sorts – a cozy existence marked by financial freedom is not in the books for you. At best, you have a lot of catching up to do.

Where Do You Fit In?

I urge you to think long and hard about your trajectory depending on where you fit in:

If you’re in school and like what you do, finish up your degree as quickly as possible and get the hell out. Start applying for work today. If you don’t like your degree, take a month or two and do nothing but think about what you want. Mindlessly going through the motions is a terrible fate.

If you’re not yet in school, a couple months (or more) of introspection will do you good. Those loans are carefully hidden until it’s time to pay the piper. If you don’t have a clear idea of your vocation, don’t go until you do. Take the time and explore the possibilities.

If you’re thinking about going back to school, you better have a stellar reason. If your job wants to promote you and will pay for your MBA at night, that’s good enough. But if you’re going back because you couldn’t land a gig right away, you’re just screwing yourself harder.

Ultimately, the path to success is littered with mistakes, but if you make too many big ones, it could just be impossible to get what you truly want. Think before you act.

Don’t Be Externally Judgmental

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A usual hiccup for a man considering a relationship is a tendency to see everything as a major red flag and to advise his brothers in arms to ‘next’ her on account of a questionable past. While this does have merit, it’s often detrimental to acquisition of both knowledge and valuable life experience. Furthermore, appearing to be outwardly judgmental will cause the object of your affection to clam up, keeping her less-than-ideal past to herself, only to have it come out at the most inopportune moment down the road. Do you really want that?

Imagine the following scenario: you meet a girl, sparks fly, you go at it like rabbits, and begin hanging out with some regularity. As feelings develop bidirectionally and a few months elapse, you inevitably have conversations about past relationships and she’s comfortable enough to confide in you that she was raped as a minor, her father abused her, she did drugs, had an ex who beat her, had X sexual partners (where X > your number of partners), and was generally betrayed in a number of ways.

Did that make your stomach turn? If so, you haven’t experienced enough. You may be saying ‘what an idiot, stop going for all these damaged girls and find yourself a good woman’, but what men fail to see is that while certain combinations of the above don’t always go hand in hand, the overall tale is quite common. A shockingly high percentage of women have gone through this but simply haven’t told you. These same ‘broken’ women have done a fantastic job keeping it to themselves and have married, had kids with, sometimes left men who were none the wiser. The point is this: you don’t know. Your virtuous wife could have been doing lines of coke while simultaneously polishing a couple knobs. You just met her at a point where nature necessitated a change in behavior and a tight packing up of the skeletons.

An even worse fate than merely writing a girl off for some minor indiscretion (she had 10 partners while you only had 5) is getting seriously involved without finding out as much of the truth about her past as possible. But it has to be done from the onset, not later. This is accomplished by not being externally judgmental, by verbally projecting this, and by subduing any naturally gut wrenching response you’ll probably feel. You do want to know the truth, don’t you?

I prefer to meet the gorilla as soon as possible, on the first date if she’s up to it. A good way to do this is to lead the conversation to past experiences. It can come naturally. If it’s a first date, you can ask ‘so, you do this a lot?’ The answer is irrelevant, but it takes you in the right direction. Somewhere in the midst of what follows, drop the golden line:

You can tell me anything, I’m one of the most non-judgmental people you’ll ever meet.

And leave it at that. If compelled, you can follow it up with ‘we all have issues and I like to learn about people and want to know more about you’ or similar. If you do this with sincerity, she’ll open up shortly thereafter. People love to talk about themselves, particularly about topics on the taboo side because there’s rarely an ear that will listen and ‘accept’ them without repercussions. They yearn for it. Sometimes you’ll be surprised at the vivid details and the enthusiasm with which they recall the dirty past.

Just like too much ice cream will make all ice cream seem common, a plethora of experiences with women will desensitize you to some of their tendencies. I remember when I used to have the partner talk with girlfriends. In the earlier years, she almost always had more than me and it made me sick. Not due to some moral conviction, but – as it came to light later – simply because I had less and as a result labeled her a slut. It’s an interesting dynamic because if you had 5 and she had 10, she must be loose. But if you had 10 and she had 5, she’s legit. Or if she had 10 and you had 20, and so on.

The same goes for other experiences. Let’s briefly look at rape. Quite often it’s not really rape, at least not the attacked-in-a-dark-alley kind. The story goes like this, with some deviation in details: I was at a party or went out with some friends, we all got really drunk, I needed a ride so some guy took me home, we fucked, and I regretted it the next morning. Raaaaaape! Other times it’s closer to the sober variety, but regardless if it’s your first time hearing it, you’ll have a very specific internal response: it’s going to bother you.

But like other realizations about women (flakiness, the Hamster, obsessions with the mundane – ahem – shoes), the more of it you see, the more commonplace it becomes and the less discomfort it causes. Typical doesn’t mean good. It means typical. The benefit of getting women to open up to you, besides wisdom, should be obvious: it allows you to see the forest for the trees and gives you the initiative to do as you please.

Take mental notes, but keep it to yourself.

Internally, we’re always judging. It’s human nature. And while some parts of the past don’t have lasting consequences or can be, for all intents and purposes, erased through sheer willpower (like a man’s lack of confidence due to a self-reinforcing negative feedback loop in childhood), others will have lingering effects. It’s a sad truth that mere days of particular experiences can have a negative lifelong impact, and it’s up to you to discover what they are, which have been dealt with, and which are still smoldering.

Furthermore, if you prematurely next girls on some past pretense, you’ll miss out on quite a few opportunities not only for great sex and surprisingly enjoyable companionship, but you won’t learn much in the process. You still have to screen ruthlessly and hold true to your own set of principles, especially for long term commitment, but immediately labeling girls as sluts, damaged goods, too much baggage, and any other shaming language handicaps you before you start.

Single, Not Lonely

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A very common shaming tactic go-to response aimed at men, particularly those on the upswing, who have elected to remain single is that there must be something inherently wrong with them. They must possess socially undesirable traits preventing them from ‘securing’ a long term partner. Taken one step further, these men are apparently doomed to a life of loneliness, misery, misogyny, lack of purpose, and an inability to love. This, of course, serves the female imperative perfectly and coincides with that of asexual betas who are all too happy to wallow in their own feces.

None of it is surprising. After all, western society is primarily about her. And what is a woman’s prerogative? Long term commitment from the best man she can acquire, current mate notwithstanding. The brainwashed, untaught, indifferent males (the same who allowed, nay, promoted the ‘equality’ of feminism) like nothing better than to mindlessly support the objects of their desire in hopes that they will someday reciprocate. So when you upset this ‘balance’, there’s an expected backlash.

Not only are most people eternally bound by their own incomplete paradigms, but passive aggressive jealousy is manifest in endless ways. Simply put, the higher you rise in whatever pursuits are important to you, the more opposition you’ll face. Take notch counts for instance. If you happen to project enough value (whether in mindset or truth) to fill your phone with nudes, you will immediately experience a gale of criticism from those privy to your indiscretions. You’ll hear things like:

‘Stop picking up sluts in bars.’ Newsflash: women of all moral ranks, including your ‘good girls’ frequent these establishments. The same girl you met at the bookstore, the coffee shop, church – goes to bars, statistically speaking. And if she put out so easily, she must be promiscuous. But how do you know your woman, if you have one, hasn’t done the same? Maybe not with you, because she correctly estimated that you were ‘the kind of guy I’d marry’, but didn’t feel compelled to breed with on first sight. Unless you’ve been following her her entire life, you’ll never know about those crazy nights she had if she’s halfway attractive. Your inability to bring out the slut in her does not preclude its existence.

‘Stop picking up girls online, they all have STDs, baggage, and are damaged goods.’ Because there’s a giant sign that says ‘register here if you’re diseased’ and girls in the real world have no such ailments. While there are women from certain predicaments you want to avoid – those into intravenous drug use, parts of town where the majority doesn’t have proper medical attention and isn’t very concerned with hygiene, and so on – there’s no sure fire way of predicting one or the other in advance. As for the rest, it’s the same regardless of where you meet.

‘Stop manipulating women, that’s so misogynistic’. As if women are dumb and so easily misled. Of course she’s the victim, she had no idea what was going on, she didn’t even like you, you just pushed some hind brain buttons and ‘it just happened’. If this were true, everyone would be doing it and this site wouldn’t exist. When something comes easier to one person and the other is unwilling to accept that their methodologies aimed at a similar outcome are inferior, they are quick to rationalize it as manipulation, cheating, or some other inherent immoral advantage.

‘Stop picking up girls at all, you’ll never love.’ Although deeper emotions take time to develop, it is a misguided stab to assume that love equates to love of a woman. Love life first, yourself second, and a woman (or women, heh) thereafter. A very common rationale, with some scientific backing regarding pair bonding (much more pronounced for women than men), is that continued bedding of women somehow eliminates your ability to open your heart. Au contraire, it hones your ability to pinpoint secondary traits you seek (and seek to avoid) in a woman of your fancy.

If you have limited experience with a handful of plain janes and a real fox suddenly gives you the time of day, you will be quick to forget your morals, ‘requirements’ for a relationship, and generally be willing to put up with mountains of drama for access to her intimacy and attention. All baggage mysteriously vanishes. Ego assuaging is a powerful tool. If you’ve had this happen, you can attest to it. If you haven’t, don’t bother rationalizing that ‘I’m above that’. You’re not, you just don’t know any better.

Numerous experiences with hot women help desensitize you to their main agent of power – their beauty – which in turn allows you to view them in a more critical light (does she have a personality? Is she nice? Does she cook? Is she vulgar in public? Would she be a good mother?). More importantly, it will allow you to interact with them in a more natural state, unfazed by their looks.

And so it goes. A lot of guys are unwilling to look in the mirror critically and acknowledge that they don’t truly love themselves. Women can’t stay single because they require physical ego validation which comes from male attention. Evidence of this can be found at your local bar, club, Facebook, or any social outlet. Men require accomplishment ego validation, which can come from a variety of sources, but most relationships (on the man’s side) are unfortunately treated from a woman’s perspective. The man is seeking validation from her and finds comfort and escape from the game of life in turn. And he dare not look outward, for fear of what he may discover: that he’s not all that and a cherry on top.

As a result, these same men inaccurately posit that if they are lonely and unhappy when single and have now found a woman to ‘complete’ them, that others must be as well. Which is, of course, garbage of the foulest degree. It may surprise some that staying single can be a choice, backed by pursuits of self development which supersede lengthy commitments to women. If you can be responsible for only yourself, make the money you want, do what you want, when you want, develop your character how you want, and – here’s the kicker – have female companionship to a limited degree of your choosing and on your terms, why don’t you? Answer: because it’s harder to realize your dreams than to drop them for the first woman who’ll have you, because it doesn’t happen overnight and you can’t think your way into it.

While there’s nothing wrong with long term, loving, monogamous relationships, there’s plenty wrong if they’re sought as a means to complete one’s own inadequacies rather than compliment a developed character and a life reflective of it. If women are pushing marriage and children back to 30 (an unwise decision given a rapidly closing fertility window and the inescapable wall), why is it that men are so quick to fall to one knee before realizing their own potential? For most, this is an exercise in futility. For the few, I salute you.