I’ve been in a monogamous relationship almost 3 months now – for the first time in about 5 years. What I’ve noticed with my girlfriend – and other women I get a chance to interact with more than once – is how frail they really are. For all the tough girl attitude, bitchiness, and a general belief their shit doesn’t stink, women are quite fragile.
It’s true that we live in a time where the laws are stacked against men, so institutions like marriage must be approached with utmost caution, but what I’ve come to realize is that ultimately we hold the cards – as we always have. The adaptation to today’s environment is a psychological one, but we were never stripped of the power God (or whoever you believe in) gave us. We were just raised to believe as much.
Women need us – badly. I’ve talked about being a protector in the past, but it extends beyond the physical. Deep down they’re extremely insecure (pretty girls are not exempt) and mask it with a tough exterior. Caking on makeup, dressing slutty, partying to the point of unconsciousness, jumping between relationships, marrying for the wrong reasons, and so on – these are all attempts at satisfying the perpetual need to feel wanted, loved, special.
In a sense, you can say that almost every woman has ‘daddy issues’. A positive male role model, a father figure if you will – assertive, protective, kind yet stern – is hard to come by. Many grow up without fathers, or have stepfathers who can’t realistically take up the discipline role (i.e. ‘you’re not my real dad’). Many have fathers who never embraced their testosterone and acted like the men they are within. Many have fathers who beat them. Many have been let down by men in their lives whom they trusted to have their back. How often does a brother forget about his sister, choose not to stand up for her, or worse yet take the other side? How often does a lover, a boyfriend, a husband stick up for someone else?
The perfect woman – if one existed – would have grown up with a generally positive view of men through prior experiences. Sadly we live in an imperfect world, and so this burden of disappointment tags along through life. To be fair, I’m not blaming anyone as all are guilty at some point, but what I’ve come to realize in my deeper interactions with women is how lost, afraid, self-conscious, and unhappy they really are without a guiding masculine force in their life.
We were meant for each other, to help one where the other is lacking. This isn’t to detract from their strengths – nurturing, emotional support, social savvy, and other more observable behaviors like cooking, cleaning, child rearing, looking pretty, and putting out. Instead, focus on the gooey center – the masculine force they so desperately crave in their life.
If you provide that, you’ll have an extremely healthy relationship. If all you want to do is bang it out with lots of girls (nothing wrong with this, but there are pros and cons to both worlds), this realization isn’t as necessary, but it still serves a purpose – to reduce interaction anxiety and instill the proper mindset – that women are not some godlike force to be reckoned with. The bear/bunny analogy from Swingers is a good start.
I can’t speak for feminists because I don’t associate with ‘them’, but I would imagine they’re ruled by the same natural forces. One of the benefits of a relationship is getting to know each other as you really are. This takes time and a somewhat nonjudgmental approach – not something you generally arrive at during non-committal dating. The more I get to know her – the real her – the more I see how delicate women are. They’re not as strong as they’d have you believe. They can be – on the outside – but deep down they yearn to let go and find solace in a man they trust.
Be that man and there will be no shortage of love – the deer in the headlights adoration kind – in your life.