Category Archives: Red Flags

The Core Of Relationships – Construction Vs. Destruction

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construction-destruction

If you’ve been dating a girl for a while – typically around the 2-4 month mark – she’s going to push for commitment of sorts. The difference in your sexual market value will dictate how soon you have ‘the talk’ and how likely she is to stick around should you deflect the question, but sooner or later it’s coming. If you decide to take the next step and commit to her emotionally (not to be confused with exclusivity quite yet), you’re going to have to change things up a little.

I’ll be writing a series on ‘how to stay alpha in a relationship’ – which is something the overwhelming majority of men struggle with – but for now let’s examine a core concept. Although the intricacies of longer running relationships are several orders of magnitude more complex than initial seduction, the basic principles are the same. And the most basic principle of all is a question that requires an honest answer:

Is your relationship constructive or destructive?

Ultimately, nothing else matters. When you’re casually dating and are emotionally detached, her drama and daily shenanigans don’t register, but once you open your heart just a little the small things start becoming more important. With this extra time commitment and emotional responsibility, you have to ask yourself if it’s heading in the right direction. What is the right direction?

Your mission – not your woman – is your mission. In a constructive relationship, she will support your mission through her feminine strengths and you will support her through your masculine strengths.

Your mission is what you want out of life. If you seriously want to make millions, your relationship is constructive if she’s there through the long hours, the uncertainty inherent to risk, and most importantly through the trials. Far too many women come when the going is good and leave when times get tough – the one who sticks by you is a rarity. If you want to raise a family, your relationship is constructive if she’s nurturing and understands the attention competition between parents and children (and balances the two). You get the idea.

If you’re a woman, your relationship is constructive if your man is there for you and supports you with his strengths – emotional stability, rationale, protection, and provision if necessary.

Together, the relationship is constructive if the give/take balance only tips slightly.

I’m purposely avoiding details because they vary by context. What defines a constructive relationship between a 30′s cohabiting low income couple with kids in the inner city will be different from a childless early 20′s couple living in a posh neighborhood.

A destructive relationship is everything else – it doesn’t have to be dramatic.

Assuming you’re focused on your mission, is your relationship helping you achieve it in some way? If it’s not, you don’t need to be in one – not with her, and maybe not with anyone. You only get one life and you literally can’t afford to waste any of it on people who slow you down. If you’re happier and more driven with her by your side – stay. If the opposite is true – leave.

16 Ways A Beta Blew His Marriage

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Sometimes it helps to learn what not to do from others. I’ve written about a poor Facebook pickup attempt before, but this is even juicier. A former beta coworker (now married with children) posted this on Facebook a while back, promoting it as a ‘great read’. He was right, but not in the way he intended. The article, entitled ‘16 Ways I Blew My Marriage‘, is a 16 point list of what you should do to the contrary – with the right calibration and attitude – to not only sustain a marriage or relationship but make it flourish. As a lot of these points are misguided, I felt it was my duty to set the record straight.

As you can guess, the title gives it away – pedestalizing the ex-wife as the one who made the right decisions is the scent of beta. What’s even more interesting is the commentary in the article: it’s primarily female. It’s as if this was written by a woman, for women. They all nod their heads in agreement, show the list to their herby husbands, then proceed to cuckold them during an innocent GNO (Girl’s Night Out). This is going to be long, so let’s dig in.

1. Don’t stop holding her hand.

When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.

Correction: stop being so needy that you require constant, public affirmation of her desire for you. She may even hold your hand out of obligation, but it won’t have any emotion behind it. He ruined #1 by holding her hand too much. Out in public, let women you’re dating/are in a relationship with initiate the kino. Let her come to you. She’ll enjoy showing the competition you’re off the market and you’ll enjoy the ego boost.

2. Don’t stop trying to be attractive.

Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.

This I agree with, though a certain level of comfort and thereby reduced competition anxiety is inevitable the longer you’re involved. You should look and smell good always as you never know who you’ll run into. But do it for yourself, not just for her. As for holding back farts or excusing yourself, that’s just etiquette. If you let yourself go, she’ll do the same.

3. Don’t always point out her weaknesses.

For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn’t do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.

Taken to an extreme this can be damaging but in controlled bits and in the right moments, it’s mandatory. Read the third sentence: ‘when I only told her how amazing she was’. No playful teasing. No Agree & Amplify. No knocking her ego down from the stratosphere. No game. Is it any wonder the marriage is no more?

4. Don’t stop cooking for her.

I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.

Imagine yourself in an apron. Now, julienne your balls and throw them in the soup. Actually the problem here isn’t the cooking per se, but rather the effort expended to ‘woo’ a girl and the incongruent behavior that follows. It’s the same as the guy who stops working out after getting a girlfriend. If you enjoy cooking, by all means show off your skills, but like #2 do it for yourself. If it’s truly a hobby/passion/habit, you won’t stop doing it. And if it’s not, there’s no reason to do it in the first place (at least not regularly).

But maybe that’s just me. My mother always cooked when I was growing up. She never complained and actually enjoyed it. She cleaned and somewhat enjoyed that too – or at least wasn’t as averse to it as men are. And while she did spend more time at home than my dad, she also worked.

Men in the kitchen, women in the workforce. Goodbye America!

5. Don’t yell at your spouse.

I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.

Another byproduct of complacency. ‘Lazy yelling’ is a mood killer (I’ve been guilty of this), but the reason it happens in the first place is spending too much time together and removing all tension (a prerequisite for desire). If you maintain your own set of hobbies and interests and get away when you need to, you’ll enjoy each other’s company all the more.

Ninon de l’Enclos, a French courtesan and author, said ‘love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion’. Think about that.

6. Don’t call names.

I always felt I was the king of not calling names, but I wasn’t. I may not have called her stupid, or idiot, or any of the other names she’d sometimes call me, but I would tell her she was stubborn, or that she was impossible, or that she was so hard to deal with. Names are names, and calling them will drive bigger wedges in communication than just about anything else.

There’s an art to name calling, just like there’s an art to game. In game, finesse is the difference between smooth and creepy. In name calling, it’s the difference between diffusing a situation while getting her wet and turning a minor fight into a long term grudge. Don’t call her stupid, call her Special Ed (in a playful tone). Pet names? Sure thing, sugartits. Lovechop. Applebutt. Really, any delicious food + physical feature = instant mental redirection. Call her names, but do it the right way and she’ll love you for it.

7. Don’t be stingy with your money.

As the main bread earner, I was always so stingy with the money. I’d whine about the cost of her shampoo or that she didn’t order water at restaurants, or that she’d spend so much money on things like pedicures or hair dye jobs. But seriously. I always had just as many if not more things that I spent my money on, and in the end, the money was spent, we were just fine, and the only thing my bitching and moaning did was bring undo stress to our relationship.

Again, it’s a matter of degree. Forcing her to order water at restaurants is cheap, but trusting her with your credit card and a day at the mall is asking for trouble. Although shared finances are typically reserved for marriage, it would behoove one to set some ground rules before it’s too late and you’re forced to backpedal. If it’s your money, you can be as stingy with it as you want. If she’s a stay at home wife/mother, she better be compensating in other ways. Unless you get off on a Bored Housewife arrangement.

8. Don’t argue in front of the kids.

There was never any argument that was so important or pressing that we couldn’t wait to have it until the kids weren’t there. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist or super-shrink to know why fighting in front of the kids is a dangerous and selfish way of doing things.

Children aren’t dumb. They’ll eavesdrop behind your closed door anyway. A little drama is healthy for a relationship; it’s when the bickering becomes routine that you should be concerned. Bigger problems ruined his marriage.

9. Don’t encourage each other to skip working out.

I always thought it was love to tell my spouse, “I don’t care if you don’t take care of yourself. I don’t care if you don’t exercise. I don’t care if you let yourself go.” But that was lying, and it was lying when she said it to me because the truth is, we did care and I wish that we would have always told each other how sexy and attractive the other was any time we’d go workout or do something to become healthier.

Not only that, but you should encourage each other to continue exercising. Complacency to a degree is natural, but a wife letting herself go is a visual reminder – 24/7 – of how little respect she has for you. And while it is important for both sexes to remain fit, out of shape men are less repulsive than out of shape women due to a difference in valuation (men primarily seek looks; women seek a combination of metrics of which looks is just one).

Actually, this is a bigger issue of lifestyle. Single = hit the gym. Involved = sit on the couch. It’s a tale as old as time and indicative of a lack of health prioritization. If you don’t exercise just as much when single as you do when hitched, you haven’t made it a lifestyle. Unfortunately most of the Western world is ok with being clinically obese, so this comes as no surprise.

Furthermore, as a man it’s your duty to lead. If you stay in tip top shape, your significant other will either follow suit or become so insecure the relationship will end sooner than later (which is a good thing). And know this: having a hot body will make you the topic of conversation on the regular, among other health benefits.

10. Don’t poop with the bathroom door open.

I don’t know why, but at some point I started thinking it was okay to poop with the bathroom door open, and so did she. First of all, it’s gross. Second of all, it stinks everything up. Third of all, there is literally no way to make pooping attractive, which means that every time she saw me do it, she, at least in some little way, would have thought I was less attractive.

That’s just nasty. I lived with two girlfriends in the past and have never done this. As with #9, she will mirror your actions over time. If you feel it’s ok to shit with the door open, you’re not going to have a healthy relationship.

11. Don’t stop kissing her.

It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it. Other times I had my own issues with germs and whatnot.

There’s no reason to reward poor behavior. If there’s ‘stress’ or ‘tension’ or you’re fighting, sending mixed signals via signs of affection will only hurt you in the long run, by, you know – ruining your marriage. There’s nothing wrong with affection – it’s the glue of relationships – but it has to be consistent. If there’s an argument and you distance yourselves, maintain that distance until she comes around.

Too much of anything is bad. If you’ve ever been on ‘I love you terms’ with a woman, you know the difference between the first few confessions and the perfunctory ‘love ya too’ at the end of 10th phone call before noon.

12. Don’t stop having fun together.

Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other, and I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten into so many ruts in which we didn’t really go out and do anything. And, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that when the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.

One of the sinister downsides to shacked up long term relationships is boredom creep. It becomes increasingly preferable to veg out on the couch and watch some stupid show than to see the world. This is one of the few points I agree with. The best way to ‘maintain’ fun is to have your own hobbies in which you can participate. If you’re in a sport, she can come watch you play. If she’s into music, you can watch her perform. However, men and women innately enjoy different things, so finding an overlap (if it’s not already there) once you’re committed can be tough.

13. Don’t pressure each other.

Pressuring each other about anything is always a recipe for resentment. I always felt so pressured to make more money. I always felt so pressured to not slip in my religion. I always felt so pressured to feel certain ways about things when I felt the opposite. And I usually carried a lot of resentment. Looking back, I can think of just as many times that I pressured her, so I know it was a two-way street.

Notice the self-flagellation. He doesn’t mention a single thing he pressured her about. This is typical female nagging within the confines of an LTR, particularly if you begin to slip up. Felt pressured to make more money? I wonder if it had anything to do with her spending habits (see #7). Once again we come to a question of degree. A little pressure on certain matters is good. If she’s slipping up on the exercise, a backhanded compliment will get the point across. Constant pressure on the other hand is a sign of an exit waiting to happen. If you’re consistently dissatisfied with a particular trait in your partner, you either didn’t screen properly at the onset or he/she presented a good enough advertisement for you to make the purchase and now the gig is up.

14. Don’t label each other with negative labels.

Sometimes the easiest phrases to say in my marriage started with one of three things. Either, “you should have,” “you aren’t,” or “you didn’t.” Inevitably after each of those seemed to come something negative. And since when have negative labels ever helped anyone? They certainly never helped her. Or me. Instead, they seemed to make the action that sparked the label worsen in big ways.

Defaulting to verbal accosting is an easy out, but a faulty one. Remember: actions over words, always. The author claims the solution is to replace negative labels with positive comments, which sounds good in theory but falls apart in execution. You can’t reward bad behavior, so rather than putting the blame on her for an indiscretion, show your disapproval through actions.

I once dated and lived with a girl who had a habit of leaving clothes all over the floor, everywhere. Rather than chastise her (and knowing how much time she spent watching mind-numbing shows on the couch), I would simply gather all her crap and toss it on the couch, right before the episodes began. She got the hint.

15. Don’t skip out on things that are important to her.

It was so easy in marriage to veto so many of the things she enjoyed doing. My reasoning, “we can find things we both enjoy.” That’s lame. There will always be things she enjoys that I will never enjoy, and that’s no reason not to support her in them. Sometimes the only thing she needs is to know that I’m there.

Again, there’s a fine line to this. If she’s into Mimosa Sundays with her gossiping girlfriends, there’s no reason for you to join. Ever. She has her hobbies, you have yours. Maintaining some distance is mandatory when you live together, otherwise you’ll become increasingly annoyed of the ‘other’ breathing down your neck in everything you do.

If you don’t have at least a short list of things you ‘both enjoy’ (beyond eating and fucking), perhaps you didn’t choose wisely to begin with.

16. Don’t emotionally distance yourself after a fight.

I never got to experience the power of make-up sex because any time my wife was mean or we got in a fight, I’d completely distance myself from her, usually for several days. Communication would shut down and I’d avoid contact at all cost. This never let things get worked out, and eventually after it had happened enough times I’d explode unnecessarily.

Correction: he never got to experience the power of make-up sex because he never stood his ground, because she never felt the temporarily loss and the heartbreak it causes, both of which are necessary for the reconciliation to have full effect. In short, she didn’t care if she lost him. And when your woman stops caring, it’s time to go.

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Although long term relationships (and marriage by extension) have an additional set of rules for success, the basic tenets of game still apply. ‘Letting your guard down’ and ‘finally being yourself’ implies incongruent behavior at the beginning of the relationship. This later unveiling of the ‘real’ you is a recipe for disaster. So is the assumption that once the knot is tied the game is over.

It’s never over.

Don’t Be Externally Judgmental

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A usual hiccup for a man considering a relationship is a tendency to see everything as a major red flag and to advise his brothers in arms to ‘next’ her on account of a questionable past. While this does have merit, it’s often detrimental to acquisition of both knowledge and valuable life experience. Furthermore, appearing to be outwardly judgmental will cause the object of your affection to clam up, keeping her less-than-ideal past to herself, only to have it come out at the most inopportune moment down the road. Do you really want that?

Imagine the following scenario: you meet a girl, sparks fly, you go at it like rabbits, and begin hanging out with some regularity. As feelings develop bidirectionally and a few months elapse, you inevitably have conversations about past relationships and she’s comfortable enough to confide in you that she was raped as a minor, her father abused her, she did drugs, had an ex who beat her, had X sexual partners (where X > your number of partners), and was generally betrayed in a number of ways.

Did that make your stomach turn? If so, you haven’t experienced enough. You may be saying ‘what an idiot, stop going for all these damaged girls and find yourself a good woman’, but what men fail to see is that while certain combinations of the above don’t always go hand in hand, the overall tale is quite common. A shockingly high percentage of women have gone through this but simply haven’t told you. These same ‘broken’ women have done a fantastic job keeping it to themselves and have married, had kids with, sometimes left men who were none the wiser. The point is this: you don’t know. Your virtuous wife could have been doing lines of coke while simultaneously polishing a couple knobs. You just met her at a point where nature necessitated a change in behavior and a tight packing up of the skeletons.

An even worse fate than merely writing a girl off for some minor indiscretion (she had 10 partners while you only had 5) is getting seriously involved without finding out as much of the truth about her past as possible. But it has to be done from the onset, not later. This is accomplished by not being externally judgmental, by verbally projecting this, and by subduing any naturally gut wrenching response you’ll probably feel. You do want to know the truth, don’t you?

I prefer to meet the gorilla as soon as possible, on the first date if she’s up to it. A good way to do this is to lead the conversation to past experiences. It can come naturally. If it’s a first date, you can ask ‘so, you do this a lot?’ The answer is irrelevant, but it takes you in the right direction. Somewhere in the midst of what follows, drop the golden line:

You can tell me anything, I’m one of the most non-judgmental people you’ll ever meet.

And leave it at that. If compelled, you can follow it up with ‘we all have issues and I like to learn about people and want to know more about you’ or similar. If you do this with sincerity, she’ll open up shortly thereafter. People love to talk about themselves, particularly about topics on the taboo side because there’s rarely an ear that will listen and ‘accept’ them without repercussions. They yearn for it. Sometimes you’ll be surprised at the vivid details and the enthusiasm with which they recall the dirty past.

Just like too much ice cream will make all ice cream seem common, a plethora of experiences with women will desensitize you to some of their tendencies. I remember when I used to have the partner talk with girlfriends. In the earlier years, she almost always had more than me and it made me sick. Not due to some moral conviction, but – as it came to light later – simply because I had less and as a result labeled her a slut. It’s an interesting dynamic because if you had 5 and she had 10, she must be loose. But if you had 10 and she had 5, she’s legit. Or if she had 10 and you had 20, and so on.

The same goes for other experiences. Let’s briefly look at rape. Quite often it’s not really rape, at least not the attacked-in-a-dark-alley kind. The story goes like this, with some deviation in details: I was at a party or went out with some friends, we all got really drunk, I needed a ride so some guy took me home, we fucked, and I regretted it the next morning. Raaaaaape! Other times it’s closer to the sober variety, but regardless if it’s your first time hearing it, you’ll have a very specific internal response: it’s going to bother you.

But like other realizations about women (flakiness, the Hamster, obsessions with the mundane – ahem – shoes), the more of it you see, the more commonplace it becomes and the less discomfort it causes. Typical doesn’t mean good. It means typical. The benefit of getting women to open up to you, besides wisdom, should be obvious: it allows you to see the forest for the trees and gives you the initiative to do as you please.

Take mental notes, but keep it to yourself.

Internally, we’re always judging. It’s human nature. And while some parts of the past don’t have lasting consequences or can be, for all intents and purposes, erased through sheer willpower (like a man’s lack of confidence due to a self-reinforcing negative feedback loop in childhood), others will have lingering effects. It’s a sad truth that mere days of particular experiences can have a negative lifelong impact, and it’s up to you to discover what they are, which have been dealt with, and which are still smoldering.

Furthermore, if you prematurely next girls on some past pretense, you’ll miss out on quite a few opportunities not only for great sex and surprisingly enjoyable companionship, but you won’t learn much in the process. You still have to screen ruthlessly and hold true to your own set of principles, especially for long term commitment, but immediately labeling girls as sluts, damaged goods, too much baggage, and any other shaming language handicaps you before you start.

To Pay or Not to Pay

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Should I pay for a date?

A reasonable question. The truncated answer is most of the time, no.

Let’s be clear: there’s no free lunch. The best case scenario is you pay with your time, a priceless resource. The worst case is you pay with your time and your money, and get 0 return. It’s akin to working and then wondering why you didn’t get a paycheck, yet this is more common that one would expect. The check is, of course, penis in vagina.

That said, there are times when you should and shouldn’t pay, or more precisely when it’s unwise to be cheap. It’s also heavily context-dependent. I remember going on a date years ago when I still subscribed to dinners. I really wanted drinks but she insisted on a ‘more traditional’ arrangement (lesson learned). Not only did we go dutch on everything, tip included, but I whipped out a coupon to knock a few greenbacks off the meal. She was not impressed. Needless to say the night ended with a brief ‘I’ll never go out with you again’ hug. Furthermore if you’re dating, occasionally and intermittently rewarding her for good behavior with a night out will keep her enthralled. Punish swiftly, reward slowly.

Let’s look at two scenarios, both meeting a girl for drinks.

Scenario A – You’re well off. Fancy car, nice clothes, everyone knows it, and you blow a certain amount each month. In overall attractiveness (which is very different for men and women), you are within a point of one another. The girl is a waitress struggling to make ends meet and drives half an hour to see you between work shifts. It’s ok to buy a couple rounds. Does this mean you need to pay her way each time? No. Use it as a reward for good behavior – putting out and emotional support.

Scenario B – You’re both in a similar socioeconomic circle. You also sense that she may be more ‘traditional’ and expects the guy to spread his wallet well before she spreads her legs by virtue of being born with a warm hole. Do not pay for her. This is worse than prostitution. With the latter you at least get a specified reward. Moreover, if you do it once without equal reciprocity, you will be expected to pay every time.

Every situation is different, but it’s imperative to view time as your highest priority. Is it really worth pursuing if she’s looking for a free meal? Know this: genuine desire can’t be bought. You don’t need to go skydiving or woo her in a fancy restaurant. If you make her wet, a cheap-to-free rendezvous is sufficient. For this reason I refuse to do anything other than drinks or an equivalent.

Unless you’re compelled to do so for some strange reason, avoid time-heavy dates such as dinners, trips of any sort, or any drawn out events. These are fine after penetration, but when you’re first figuring each other out there’s nothing worse than being stuck somewhere for hours with a person you quickly realize you don’t like.

In most cases, you can meet at a bar and either finance your own drinks or (my favorite) announce that you’ll get the first round. Once you’re dry, excuse yourself to the restroom and tell her to get the next round. When you return, you’ll have your all-important answer. Women are entitled enough and thanks to our redistribution of wealth, on average have no problem paying their way. If she’s really attracted but doesn’t have the funds, showing up with a 6 pack of piss water will melt her heart.

Not paying won’t hurt your chances. If it does, your chances were never high to begin with. There are exceptions, but they are not the rule.

I decided to run an experiment with girl #44, who, by virtue of being the hottest I’ve had the pleasure of defiling, turned into a very intense 1 month fling. It ended with her pushing for exclusivity and a child, which isn’t on my to-do list for some time. On our first date I paid for drinks. She was willing to buy her own as I saw the purse come up, but quickly took advantage of the situation and never offered to pay her own way again, save one instance where she bought a round. Although she always brought her purse, she expected me pick up the bill thereafter, without so much as a thank you. Could I have dragged out the non-committal marathon sex just as long without the several hundred spent by the end of our ‘relationship’? I believe so, give or take a few days.

On the other hand, I had a drink date the other night where I told the girl to pick up the tip. Not the bill mind you, just the tip. She looked at me and said ‘are you serious?’ I said yes, but seeing as it wasn’t a large amount I paid and told her she failed a test. A few seconds later she retorted with ‘I hope that wasn’t a deal breaker, what other tests do you have for me?’. The night ended with a makeout and she’s interested in meeting again, but as you can guess the burning desire isn’t there. Could I play along for a few dates, drop a bill or two, and get access to her overpriced goods (she’s a 7 on the verge of 30 with more entitlement than the mirror grants her)? Most likely, but in these cases cut your losses and move on.

You’re either the alpha she gets wet for or the beta who’s paying her way. Which one are you? If she has the audacity to expect you to pay for a pre-sex night out, you have your answer. It’s not unreasonable to call her out on it, something to the tune of ‘we just met. I pay for someone as a reward. If we get to know each other and I like you, then we’ll see.’

Save your cash and build actual wealth. Handle your business.

When It Counts

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Q: When does it count?

A: When penis enters vagina.

Nothing else is of any consequence; it is simply a means to this end. Seems obvious, but a lot of guys forget this and end up dragging out a dead end. Makeouts, mutual masturbation, oral sex, none of it matters until you are doing the act of procreation. Contraception or not, it is a woman’s hind brain acknowledging that you are worthy of a 9 month genetic propagation. Whether this comes to fruition is irrelevant – the possibility is real.

In all of your interactions with women, outside of family, business, and those you are not physically attracted to, your ultimate motivation is penetration. The inveterate player has an added layer of strategy (pivots in the Girls Network, jealousy ploys within a social group), but for most it’s this simple. Meaningless banter, kino, ‘dates’, these should all be approached with a sense of purpose. While outcome independence may be the name of the game (and is the proper attitude to adopt), there’s still a desirable outcome and its opposite. After all, it is a time investment and like all investments you hope for a given return.

The past few years in particular have seen a significant increase in what actually constitutes a higher chance of scoring. When texting was just making its rounds, getting a girl’s digits was a big deal. She was interested and there was a good chance for a date and as long as you played it cool, she may have granted you access to her shop. This is not the world we live in today. Phone numbers, texting, Facebooking, and so on – mean nothing. You can go out and collect 100 numbers, most legit, and convert 0.

Get a girl alone in a semi-private environment (take your pick, I stick to lounges with couches) and your chances skyrocket. They key is to make the most efficient use of your time and to observe a woman’s actions only, never her words.

Is she not replying to your calls or texts?

She’s not very interested. Women keep their phones closer than their children. A great way to gauge interest level is in how quickly she responds.

Is she flaking on you?

She’s not interested enough. You’re on the B team. Or the C team. Probably the water boy.

Is she holding out past 2-3 dates?

You don’t give her the tingles. Hopefully you didn’t invest too much time or money. Move on.

Is she only up for lunch, or coffee, or dinner, but never drinks and never alone?

She’s not interested, but needs something to talk about with her girlfriends, has nothing better to do, feels like venting, wants free food, or all of the above. She’s not warming up. Move on.

Life is too short to waste your time on women who aren’t interested (enough). Everything has a price and your time is worth more than any amount of money. You have to establish a cut-off. 2-3 dates max. Unless she’s an 8+ or 2 points above you, don’t bother past the first date. In rare cases you’ll get girls who really like you, want to play down their slutty past, or some combination thereof, and will hold out on the first date. These are worth pursuing a second time, but you’ll know without a doubt. You’ll get almost everything but sex. In this case it’s ok to chase a little.

I have an acquaintance who’s been ‘dating’ a virgin for almost a year now. Ultimate blue balls. I don’t feel sorry for him in the least bit. He chose this path and is now so ego invested that he willingly gives up other opportunities just to stay with her. She’s cute, but no pussy on earth is worth waiting this long. Whatever sex fantasy he has on wedding day will be a major disappointment. Furthermore, what if they break up beforehand? What if she drinks a little much when out one night and ‘it just happens’ with her nearest alpha? What if she cheats on him shortly thereafter? Can you imagine the devastation? All that temporal, financial, and emotional investment for 0 return. It’s not a far stretch.

You owe it to yourself to be ruthless. Life is war. Love is war. When you live life on your own terms, you begin attracting people who take you seriously and repel those who just want to waste your time. The next time you’re interacting with a woman you’re interested in, repeat to yourself: penis in vagina. Are you getting any closer? If so, how long will it take? If not, leave.

And when penis goes in vagina, high five yourself. Well played.