Category Archives: Relationships

How To Be Alpha In A Relationship – Part 1: A Proper Beginning

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This marks the start of a series about relationship management and how to stay alpha within the context of one. It’s extremely common for men in the beta recovery stage – the ones who have almost internalized the alpha mindset and behavior concepts – to regress once they get a girlfriend. ‘He’s not the man I fell in love with’ is a typical breakup reason.

A constructive, loving relationship is a different animal from seduction and requires a healthy dose of beta fuel to flourish, but it’s still built on an unwavering alpha precedent.

So – you got the bang, liked it, continued sexing her up, started dating, and feelings surfaced. If you did it right, she was the one who fell for you and yearned for commitment. This is a critical point to consider – relationships are a woman’s prerogative. Sexual, emotional, and provisional exclusivity is the female imperative.

It is your gift to her. Always remember this and you’ll set the proper frame for your relationship. You should never be the first to say ‘I love you’ or ‘let’s be monogamous’ unless you’re looking for a guarantee of failure. Maybe not in the next month, or year, or even decade, but a wrong start will always lead to an undesirable end.

Biologically you’re giving up your sexual mating strategy in favor of hers, so she better be worth it. And I get it, the majority of betas (and younger men in general) will jump at the chance for a committed relationship, but they do it for the wrong reason – the assumption that becoming official will somehow curb female hypergamic nature. Time and time again they’re proven wrong when she cheats shortly after – or worse yet, years down the road.

So first and foremost, it has to come from her. Even then, you’re not required to accept the initial request. When a woman tells you she loves you, if you don’t quite feel the same way you don’t have to lie. If she questions you about it, tell her it takes longer for you to develop those feelings. She wants to win your heart – don’t give your most prized possession freely.

At the same time, don’t drag your feet. If you’re just riding the sex train until she leaves (usually a 2-4 month cycle) that’s one thing, but if she’s made it known – multiple times – that she wants to be more and you feel the same way, take the plunge. But before you do, ask yourself – what’s your long term goal?

The Goal – A Serious Matter

Love is no joke. It can inspire and make you feel like you’re on top of the world, or it can lead to suicide and everything in-between. Don’t take matters of the heart lightly. Before you grant access, determine a long term goal for your relationship. To each his own, but based on my 3 life philosophies, I’m not one to cheat. I’m all or nothing and if I make a decision, I commit to it fully. Therefore it’s imperative to plan for a certain outcome.

If you want companionship and consistent sex while you focus on your life mission, that’s fine, but realize that if there’s not at least potential for something more, the breakup will be painful. And then you’ll have to come back here for guidance on getting over your ex. Is it worth it to you? It may or may not be, but asking yourself these questions is of the utmost importance.

Personally, I see no reason for a monogamous relationship if children aren’t on the radar. Not immediately mind you, but if you can’t see yourself having kids with her down the road, the whole thing is a lie. Unless you don’t want children, then it’s a different story. It is for this reason that I advise most men in their 20’s to avoid serious relationships. Your SMV is still low, maturity (based on experience) is lacking, you’re not at a life stage where you seriously consider offspring, and if you’re like most people, you have no idea what you want to do.

If you’re not on a mission, she’s only going to complicate the self discovery process. Figure that out first.

Finally, be absolutely sure that she fulfills all of your relationship requirements. Is she smoking hot? Does she take care of herself? Will she continue to do so? What does her mother look like? Is she gentle, nurturing, feminine? Is she a little needy (not a bad thing)? Does she have any seriously destructive behaviors? Is she protective of your bond, i.e. does she covertly fight off female competition? Is she making positive changes in her life? Does she strive to become better for you?

Don’t proceed until all your questions are answered. This can take weeks, months, or years and it’s not something you ask – her character is manifest in action.

In summary, the first part to being alpha in a relationship is:

  1. Let her come to you. She wants to win you over – constantly. Relationships, kids, marriage – none of these will satisfy her insatiable desire to beat out the competition. This is what ‘being the prize’ means.
  2. Do it for the right reasons. If you don’t see a future potential for children, it’s a faulty premise. Unless you either don’t want kids or accept the eventual heartache of a breakup, there’s no point.
  3. Make sure she’s girlfriend material. The ideal woman doesn’t exist. Everyone is damaged and everyone has baggage, but if she checks off the big items and strives to be the best for you, give her a chance to prove it.

The Core Of Relationships – Construction Vs. Destruction

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construction-destruction

If you’ve been dating a girl for a while – typically around the 2-4 month mark – she’s going to push for commitment of sorts. The difference in your sexual market value will dictate how soon you have ‘the talk’ and how likely she is to stick around should you deflect the question, but sooner or later it’s coming. If you decide to take the next step and commit to her emotionally (not to be confused with exclusivity quite yet), you’re going to have to change things up a little.

I’ll be writing a series on ‘how to stay alpha in a relationship’ – which is something the overwhelming majority of men struggle with – but for now let’s examine a core concept. Although the intricacies of longer running relationships are several orders of magnitude more complex than initial seduction, the basic principles are the same. And the most basic principle of all is a question that requires an honest answer:

Is your relationship constructive or destructive?

Ultimately, nothing else matters. When you’re casually dating and are emotionally detached, her drama and daily shenanigans don’t register, but once you open your heart just a little the small things start becoming more important. With this extra time commitment and emotional responsibility, you have to ask yourself if it’s heading in the right direction. What is the right direction?

Your mission – not your woman – is your mission. In a constructive relationship, she will support your mission through her feminine strengths and you will support her through your masculine strengths.

Your mission is what you want out of life. If you seriously want to make millions, your relationship is constructive if she’s there through the long hours, the uncertainty inherent to risk, and most importantly through the trials. Far too many women come when the going is good and leave when times get tough – the one who sticks by you is a rarity. If you want to raise a family, your relationship is constructive if she’s nurturing and understands the attention competition between parents and children (and balances the two). You get the idea.

If you’re a woman, your relationship is constructive if your man is there for you and supports you with his strengths – emotional stability, rationale, protection, and provision if necessary.

Together, the relationship is constructive if the give/take balance only tips slightly.

I’m purposely avoiding details because they vary by context. What defines a constructive relationship between a 30′s cohabiting low income couple with kids in the inner city will be different from a childless early 20′s couple living in a posh neighborhood.

A destructive relationship is everything else – it doesn’t have to be dramatic.

Assuming you’re focused on your mission, is your relationship helping you achieve it in some way? If it’s not, you don’t need to be in one – not with her, and maybe not with anyone. You only get one life and you literally can’t afford to waste any of it on people who slow you down. If you’re happier and more driven with her by your side – stay. If the opposite is true – leave.

Just Be There Part 2 – Empathy Vs. Emotional Tampon

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My last post about just being there for her as a key ingredient for stronger emotional bonding (aka love) understandably caused some confusion. On the surface, it seems there’s a very fine line between allowing her to open up and being the rock she desires, and acting as an emotional tampon for her to unload the billion things that annoy her. While it does take experience to understand there’s a difference in the first place, discerning it is fairly simple.

Emotional Tampon – Trivialities

99% of what a woman says will be trivial. Your job is to recognize the important 1%. Within a committed relationship, it’s extremely common for the girl to yap about her day and how this bitch gave her a dirty look and that bitch said something mean and how her butt looks big. The dutiful boyfriend who sits there and nods while hating his life is now an emotional tampon. And this term isn’t reserved for beta male orbiters – a husband, a boyfriend, a friend with benefits can all suffer the same fate. In his mind, it’s the price he pays for continued access to her vagina.

To her, she’s slowly losing attraction. If you’re always there, always ready to listen to what is clearly verbal vomit without any prior mental processing, you’ll get what you deserve. Now, when a girl you’re seeing starts telling you about her day, telling her to shut the fuck up isn’t going to do you any good. There’s a better way.

Closely resembling the ‘alpha fucks, beta bucks’ sexual/provisional selection strategy, I believe women ‘build a boyfriend’. There are always multiple men in her life. Some (usually one at a time) she uses for sex, some she uses for fixing stuff, some she uses for venting, and some she keeps around for a rainy day just so she can feel wanted.

Your goal, then, is to get the best and leave the rest.

You want to be the guy she bangs and occasionally confides in and the rest will work itself out, so it’ll actually benefit you if she has male orbiters to soak up her banalities. You’re ‘that guy’ – the alpha she fucks while he’s the beta she complains to about you. Naturally you’re assuming the risk that the stars will align and one day she’ll ‘see his good intentions and fall into his dutifully loving arms’, but this risk is greatly exaggerated. If you’re on top of your world, she won’t dare because she’ll know you’ll leave without blinking.

Step 1 is to give her space and not be jealous when she’s talking to another guy. Be the best she can get and you won’t have to worry about someone better coming along. As an example, girl #54 and I have been dating – non exclusively – for months now. At one point she had a serious orbiter who was fulfilling her daily whining needs. She still might, I don’t know. I loosely know the guy and he’s beta to the core. If she ever slept with him, I’d laugh it off and bounce, but I just don’t see it happening as we’re worlds apart. As a result, I don’t have to put up with perpetual bickering.

Step 2 is to let her know – through your actions – that you don’t want to hear it. You’re a man on a mission, you have more important matters to attend to. Do you think a king sits there while his mistress drones on? Rhetorical. For instance, I hate talking on the phone and I let her know. The only time I ever call or have a conversation is to make plans to see each other face to face. I’ll listen for a couple minutes and if I feel it’s dragging, I’ll tell her that I need to go and that I look forward to seeing her. Naturally she’s grilled me a few times on why I won’t talk to her on the phone, and I tell her exactly how I feel – I don’t like it, just like I don’t like excessive texting, that I’d rather see her in person, and that the time we have apart is important because it makes us miss each other. Boom.

You’ll still have some overflow, but if you follow these 2 steps you’ll be a lot happier in your relationship. On the other hand, there is a time when you need to be there.

Empathy – Serious Matters

That 1% is more critical to love than the other 99% combined. For women especially, opening up about a darker past is the only way to change and move forward. She needs someone to trust and confide in, and if you’re that man you’ll own a piece of her soul. Here’s how to recognize it and act accordingly:

  1. It rarely happens. You’ll hardly ever experience it and you should never ask about the past, but the day will come when you’ve built enough trust and she feels close enough – emotionally – to open up in hopes that’ll you accept everything about her up to now. Not only is it part of a healing process, but it’s necessary to build a stronger bond, if you want one that is.
  2. It rarely happens sober. At least in my experience, I’ve never had a girl tell me anything significant without putting a few back first. The past is often rough and the more relationships and disappointments we go through, the more protective layers we build. It takes a lot to get to the vulnerable center and you should feel good that she trusts you enough to open her heart – booze is just the final catalyst.
  3. You’ll know it’s coming when she gets ‘that look’. It’s difficult to explain, but once you’ve seen it you’ll know. She’ll get quiet, serious, lost in thought, and her eyes might get a little watery. You can either ignore her (bad) or ask what she’s thinking (good). The floodgates will open shortly after.
  4. Don’t be judgmental. Despite what conclusions you may draw, keep them to yourself. This is not the time to offer solutions or advice. Accept and be her rock. A common example of a serious talk is when a girl tells you she’s been raped. Attractive females go through this more than you think. Granted it’s rarely the ‘dark alley’ kind and in a lot of cases there was some poor decision making on her part, but the details are irrelevant – the point is she had a traumatic experience. A physically abusive father and/or ex is a close second. You’re going to feel uneasy and may not want to hear it, but suck it up this once. Let her get it out.
  5. If you feel ‘off’ days after the news, face your own demons. New of this sort stirs up very strong emotions in men. Some will be disgusted with her, some will want to beat the shit out of whoever hurt her, and others will feel ‘lost’ because they didn’t think their little angel could have experiences like this. The severity of these emotions usually stems from a lack of experience – once you’ve heard the same story a million times, you become desensitized. Furthermore, it’s in the past. You can’t change it. If knowing her darker truths makes you not want to be around her, then go and let someone else step up to the plate. Ultimately we’re all responsible for our own actions and it’s up to you to choose what is and isn’t acceptable to you. But often times you’ll notice how much closer, more loving, and more dependent on you she becomes as a result of your acceptance. We’re all fallible and we all want someone to love us despite our flaws.
  6. Go back to business as usual. Once it’s over, act as if nothing happened. You got the info, you both took a step forward, and it’s back to the good times. You are her rock. As a man, you provide the emotional stability she’s incapable of achieving on her own. Do it right and the times will keep getting better. This is relationship management 101.

I hope this clears up some of the confusion. Let me know in the comments if you want further explanation or if I missed anything.

Just Be There And She Will Fall In Love

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Arguably the most common problem encountered in longer running relationships is a lack of connection that she feels. People grow apart for various reasons – different life stages, core philosophy incompatibilities, upgrading, distance/time away from each other – but a lot of these (except full beta mode) can be endured or negated if the emotional connection is present. A woman out of love will treat you with a coldness the devil doesn’t possess. Conversely, a woman in love will kill for you (literally).

So what is this connection and how do you build it (yes, you have to build it)? It’s not the initial spark. It’s not your looks, your money, your fame, or your game. Those are great for seduction and can certainly keep a woman around for pragmatic reasons and bragging rights, but the gooey center is still missing. Once you’ve been dating for a while, every girl on this planet will want a stronger emotional bond. This is the fringe benefit of relationships – you get the sex and a little extra – but if you don’t provide the little extra, eventually she will leave.

The connection is, quite simply, just being there for her.

Men are, by nature, problem solvers. Our modus operandi is to find a solution to everything, even when a solution is unnecessary. This is a fundamental difference of the sexes and one that’s often missed. Although completely devoid of logic, a woman will feel closer to you if you don’t give her unsolicited advice and don’t try to solve her problems. It’s such a basic concept, but much like it took Einstein a couple decades to arrive at his simple theory of relativity, it took me nearly a decade to believe this universal truth.

She doesn’t want your advice or solutions. You will do more for your cause by accepting her emotional storm – by holding her and telling her it’ll be ok.

There are so many factors influencing a woman’s daily emotional state – time of the month, someone cutting her off on the road, psycho ex boyfriend, a snide comment at work, a dirty look – that it’s impossible to track, and nor should you. She’s the tempest – you’re the tree. Every single girl I’ve dated has told me she felt closer, more in love, more dependent on, and more connected to me after I ‘was there for her’ when she wanted to open up.

This is not to be confused with perpetual female complaining about insignificant matters – you don’t really need to pay attention as beta male orbiters will gladly fill that role. I’m talking about the important stuff. You’ll know it’s a big moment when there’s alcohol involved (let’s face it, the skeletons in the closet rarely come out sober) and she starts getting emotional.

This is your time to shine – by doing absolutely nothing – and it will mean everything to her.

Everyone deals with problems in their own way, but getting it off your chest – especially for women – is a key ingredient in bonding with another person. She needs to know that you accept her past, her flaws, a few things she couldn’t control, and her state of being thus far. The past is often ugly and we all make mistakes, but it’s already happened and if she can’t share the painful stuff with you, your resulting relationship will be severely limited. She’s willing to change if necessary, but if who she is right now isn’t working for you, you shouldn’t be together (unless it’s just for casual sex).

Having said that, a couple caveats exist:

  1. Don’t become an emotional tampon. I’m in no way advocating listening to her drone on about trivialities – there are plenty of willing participants for that noise. You’re here for deeper stuff.
  2. This is relationship management, i.e. you’ve already had plenty of sex. Lust leads to love, not the other way around. It’s still business as usual to get the bang, but if the sex is great, you get along, and start to like each other, eventually the protective layers will shed and if you want to keep the train rolling you’ll need to be a little more human.

How To Get Over Your Ex

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So you managed to snag a cutie, commit, and have some semblance of a relationship. Somewhere along the way things started going south. The sex became a little duller each time, the frequency dropped, the arguments started, and you had an uneasy gut feeling that something just wasn’t right. Before you know it, it’s over and you’re left high and dry.

Dramatic, short lived relationships are more prevalent among the younger crowd – before the naivete is beaten out of you – but no one is immune to the heartache. Dealing with the aftermath is tough, but it’s also a great opportunity to grow. In fact, it’s one of the best times to make positive, life altering changes, to let go of bad habits and start building good ones. You have a chance based on real life experience to analyze what happened, look inside yourself, and come out a better, stronger, more driven person.

While this is primarily aimed at men, female readers can learn a few things as well. The obvious byproduct of a breakup is (a lot) more free time. Take some of this time and consider the following, in no particular order:

  1. It’s not the end of the world. Young men in particular seem to think life as they know it is over when a girl dumps them. It’s not, but it is a leading cause of suicides. Adolescent years are the most volatile – I know, I’ve cried my heart out over a girl as a teenager – so if you fit in this category, do yourself a favor and let time do its thing. This storm will pass and a few years later you’ll laugh at how silly the whole thing was. Parents – telling a teen to be ‘less dramatic’ is an exercise in futility. Support them by lending an ear only when they want to talk and above all, keep them safe. They’ll figure out the rest on their own.
  2. Everything ends. Not a morbid statement, just a fact. We’re all born alone, and we all die alone. Relationships can start and end for any reason at any time. Marriage, children, love – none of these are guarantees of a fulfilling existence. With experience, you’ll create your own philosophies and realize when a relationship has run its course. It may sting a little, but thank whoever you believe in for the good times and move on. Loss is a natural part of life.
  3. Reasons for the breakup are relevant. It’s important to take a step back and see what you did right/wrong, what she did right/wrong, what was good, bad, and ugly about your time together, at what point it started a steady decline (often caused by a recovering beta who was alpha enough during the initial seduction but reverted to his old ways), and what was the nail in the coffin. Why? So you can avoid as much of this as possible with the next girl.
  4. Reasons for the breakup are irrelevant. Contradictory to the above, the reasons for the breakup don’t change what happened. It’s over and it’s time to move on. Once you’ve gleaned what lessons there were, there’s no reason to dwell on it in hopes of extracting additional knowledge. There’s only so much you can take away before diminishing returns kick in, so start applying what you learned.
  5. Why do you want/need a relationship at this moment? During my late teens/early 20′s, I was a serial monogamist. I couldn’t stand being alone – I felt ‘incomplete’. This was a silly notion, but in retrospect it took quite a few relationships for me to realize that a woman will never make me happy. I have to make me happy. She can add to it, sure, but she can’t be the source. If she is, you have some serious work to do on yourself first. As long as you focus on becoming a high value man, there will be no shortage of women in your life.
  6. Was it really all that good? One of the insidious side effects of pair bonding is an unhealthy embellishment of the facts. She seems prettier than she is, the sex ‘more amazing’ that it is, major red flags are swept under the rug, and everything positive is blown out of proportion while the negative is conveniently ignored. But was it really that great and did you have anything/anyone to compare her to? Be honest with yourself.
  7. Did you enjoy getting used to each other? Complacency is the kiss of death for relationships, personal development, and any sort of self improvement, yet look at how many couples get ‘fat and happy’ together. Both stop exercising because there’s ‘no one to impress’ (I was guilty of this), men stop going out with their friends and slowly revert to a scarcity mindset, women start wearing sweats and forget what ‘getting ready’ means, mundane routines scheduled around her favorite TV shows take over, and there’s no mystery left. Even the bathroom door is left open.

Once you’ve digested that, here are some steps you can take to get over her:

  1. Realize it’s over and there’s no going back, ever. A breakup is a serious thing. It’s not a ‘big fight’, it’s the end. People typically get back together because they don’t have better options, are afraid to be on their own for a while, or due to some financial consideration. Women are pretty good at monkey branching, so it’s often the man who wants her back (or doesn’t want to let her go). It might be hard for a while, but the more you keep denying finality the longer you’ll be miserable. IT’S OVER.
  2. Be tough about no contact. First, there’s a good chance you’ll be highly tempted to call/text/schedule a platonic get together bitch session. Don’t. Find something else to do – anything – but be true to yourself about maintaining no contact. Delete her number, unfriend/block on Facebook, whatever you have to do. The longer you stay in touch, the worse it’ll be. You might (and this is rare) be cordial acquaintances years down the road and if that wishful thinking does the trick then great, but for now no contact = NO CONTACT. Second, after the breakup there’s a 99% chance she’ll have a WTF moment when she realizes you went cold turkey, so guess what she’ll do? That’s right, she’s going to contact you. Don’t answer. DO NOT ANSWER. You will only drag out the pain and she’s sadistic enough to put you through it. Women don’t fully realize the effect this has on heartbroken betas, so go tryhard mode and pretend she never called. Not answering will speed up the healing process. Answering will slow it down. Simple, right?
  3. There’s no reason for ‘closure’. To expound on the above, girls love to get ‘closure’. They want to walk away knowing – with 100% certainty – that they made the right decision by leaving you. That’s how her hamster works. Whatever your transgressions may have been, don’t give her this victory. Leave with your head held high regardless of how shitty you feel. NO talking about feelings, NO talking about still being friends, NO talking at all. If she dumped you despite your goodwill, this is your revenge part 1 (part 2 is becoming a better man than she ever dated). You already got closure – the breakup.
  4. Give it time. Once it happens, you’ll want to get over it right away – or as quickly as possible. I have some bad news. Depending on the length, severity, and other factors, the process of letting go can take quite a while. Some people who have been exclusive for decades never recover from their loss. Hopefully it’s only been a few months or a couple years for you or you’re so fed up that you can’t wait to say good riddance. My last 1.5 year LTR took a few months of pouting, several rebound fucks, and a couple casual relationships to get over. In other words, it’s gonna be a minute. There are plenty of things you can do in the interim to accelerate this change, but past a certain point it really is a matter of time.
  5. Think about what you missed out on during the relationship. It’s important to think positive. You’re alive. There are tons of women (most likely hotter) out there for the taking. You can now do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want. Think about everything you gave up during the relationship. I’m not just talking about sex with other women, but time with friends, your hobbies, maybe your dreams, and likely a part of your identity. Now go get it back and never let another relationship put you in the same position.
  6. Lift/run/get your body right. Raise your hand if you and/or your girlfriend porked out a few months after ‘the talk’. It’s a common occurrence but there’s nothing good about it. Fitness is a lifestyle. You do have someone to impress and guess what – it’s not your girlfriend. Furthermore, if you’re in shape and she was too but now got fat, that’s reason enough to bounce if she didn’t take multiple hints. It’s the second worst form of disrespect toward a man (next to cuckolding). Get back in the gym, get your body right, commit to keeping it right, and expect nothing less from women you date in the future. Training is therapeutic on many levels. It’s incredible for anger/sadness management. It gets your mind off her for a while. You’ll feel an order of magnitude better – even if temporarily – after a good night with the iron, and if you’re constantly depressed it’ll work wonders to help you snap out of it.
  7. Work more/get a second job. You need to keep your mind occupied as it’s going to be your worst enemy for a while. It’s easy to mope around with all this ‘free’ time you now have. First bonus: you’ll make more money to help generate wealth faster. While I don’t advocate working for work’s sake, this is an exception. Get a job where you interact with attractive women if possible. Second bonus: even if you’re in the dumps, having hot chicks in your vicinity is proven to make you feel better. Biology is a beautiful thing.
  8. Force yourself to be social. This is a tough one. The most common response to a breakup – particularly one you didn’t want – is to retreat from society and turn to mindless entertainment. While this will help pass the time, it’ll hurt you in the long run. Force yourself to be social. This doesn’t mean hitting the bar every night, but reconnect with some friends, go to events, pick up hobbies you dropped (or try new ones), basically anything that puts you in a group with other people. You don’t have to do this often – once or twice a week is sufficient to keep you from obsessing over your predicament. Who knows, you might meet a hottie and forget all about your ex.
  9. Force yourself to talk to cute girls. Part of getting the second job (or putting in extra shifts) and becoming more social – aside from staying productive – is to desensitize yourself to your ex via introduction to multiple attractive women. Regardless of our status, men see a hot piece of ass and want it. All of us. So by surrounding yourself with hot pieces of ass, your special snowflake ex won’t seem so special anymore. Also, because it’s a numbers game, talking to enough cute girls is likely to lead to:
  10. Get a rebound (or several). What’s better than pussy? New pussy. The quickest way to get over your ex is to bang it out with one or more girls who are prettier. This may not always be possible so don’t worry if your one night stands are a point or two lower – just don’t dumpster dive. Better yet, it’s a special type of revenge. It happened to me once. I got over one of my ex’s quick and one day she showed up – unannounced – to ‘grab something she forgot’ only to find my (significantly hotter) rebound in a bikini on my couch (we just got back from the pool). She didn’t say much there, but I could see the disdain in her eyes. Shortly after she nearly kicked down my door in the middle of the night because my quick turnaround pissed her off something awful. It was sweeter than any ‘fuck you’ I could have said.
  11. Stay away from drugs. Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol or other substances. Have a few drinks, sure, but if you waste your newfound single time becoming a worse person, she won. I’ve given you plenty of things to stay occupied and come out ahead, so this is a no-brainer.
  12. Enjoy the single life for a while (or for a long time). The best realization – for me anyway – came after my last serious relationship ended almost 5 years ago. I decided to remain single (non-exclusive) while becoming a high value man. I do want another serious relationship, but not until I’m ready for children. Until then it’s dating, dating, and more dating. As a result, I’ve 1) gotten laid with way more, hotter women than I thought possible at the time, 2) was able to slowly but surely invest most of the money I would have spent on useless crap, which is speeding up my early ‘semi-retirement’, 3) made fitness a lifestyle – forever, and 4) become a lot tougher on myself and the women I date in terms of what I’ll put up with. Sure I’ve lost some ‘good ones’ along the way, but there will be plenty more around the corner. So take the time and think if you really need, or even want a relationship right now. Think of the possibilities of staying single for a while (especially through your 20′s) and you may have a revelation.

Make a commitment to yourself to become a certain type of man no matter what. This is called building your life how you want. It’s a slow, methodical process and you’re responsible for all of it. If she left you, make her regret it (she will) by becoming a better man she’ll ever be with. You don’t need to tell or show – don’t worry she’ll find out anyway. However, by the time it happens you’ll be over her, have much more attractive and compatible women vying for your attention, and kick yourself a little for not letting go sooner.