Category Archives: Tips

Facebook Game Tips

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A few months ago I wrote about Facebook photo structuring for maximum pickup success. FB game is its own animal and relies heavily on real life social proof. Fortunately, much like a ‘fake it til you make it’ approach works in everyday environments, becoming pseudo-famous on FB requires a similar approach. Reader feedback generated some valid questions, so here are some additional game tips in no particular order:

  1. Pics with girls can send off a player vibe – is this bad? Definitely not. The game is a numbers game and while you can’t catch them all, you want to attract the majority and repel the minority. The pros gained from verifiable social proof (cute girls tagged in your photos) far outweigh the cons of being labeled a ‘player’ by a few prudes. Preselection trumps all – women want who other women want. It’s also important to stay congruent with your goals. If you just want to bang a bunch of hot chicks, there’s no reason to hide it. You don’t overtly say it of course, but your actions – manifest in the photos you post – will speak for themselves.
  2. How do you structure messages? Typical messages are ‘hey’, ‘what’s up’, ‘how are you’, or some combination thereof, i.e. ‘hey how are you’. In my experience this is sufficient. A witty line or some attempt at circumventing a boring message in order to initiate a conversation often does more harm than good. If a girl accepts your friend request, checks out your profile, and likes what she sees, she’ll respond. If she doesn’t, it’s not the content of your message – she’s just not interested. When women open me (sadly they’re not all supermodels), they often say the exact same things, so keep it simple. You can then ask what she’s up to, where she goes out, what she does for fun – basically anything to begin threading.
  3. Should you ever ‘like’ pics/status updates? ‘Likes’ are to be used sparingly. In general, I only ‘like’ a photo or status if a) that girl and I have some history and b) we haven’t talked in a while and I want her to think about me again. Occasionally I’ll ‘like’ an update of a girl I’m dating to let her know I’m thinking about her, but this gets into a bit of relationship management. The general rule of thumb is: if a pretty girl posts a bunch of pictures regularly for attention and gets tons of ‘likes’ as is, she doesn’t need yours. Don’t be another orbiter.
  4. What kind of comments should you make (if any)? Comments are your bread and butter. This is your chance to flex your social bicep and post backhanded compliments, negs as necessary, puns, and generally set yourself apart from the others. Don’t become a ‘regular’ on any girl’s wall, but practice your social skills randomly. Even then it’s still time consuming and I typically only comment in response to my own status updates. This sets the frame – if you come post on my wall, I’ll reply, otherwise you won’t get any attention from me.
  5. What do you do when dating multiple girls on FB? With enough effort you’re likely to begin banging casually dating several girls – all of whom are Facebook friends with you. This can start some serious drama, so it’s best to avoid posting additional photos of you and other girls 1-on-1 once it begins. By all means post group photos (let’s say a couple cute girls with their arms around you, with whom you’re platonic), but be careful about what you put out in the open once sex is involved. A girl I’ve been dating non-exclusively for a few months now has questioned me multiple times about 1 photo with me and a couple girls I know. Women get crazy jealous. You want a little jealous, not crazy jealous.
  6. What kind of status updates should I post? That’s up to you, but I urge you to avoid posting completely useless crap. DO NOT post any of the following: memes, pics of food, pics of alcoholic beverages, what music you’re listening to, anything with a hashtag (#), any kind of angry/depressed updates, and most importantly do not post when you’ve been drinking. DO post anything that raises your value. I usually post once a day to get some major ‘likes’ (it’s retarded but it makes you look important). Got a sick new car? Post pics. On a killer vacation? Post pics. Have some ‘revelation of the day’ that happens to be a universal truth? Post it. Have a fun night feeling like a king surrounded by groupies? Post, post, post.

Whatever you do, realize that Facebook, just like Plenty Of Fish, Tinder, Twitter, OkCupid, and other websites are major buffers. Treat them as additional tools in conjunction with ‘real life’ approaching, but they are not replacements. More often than not they end up being major distractions. Online game misses the finesse of presentation, body language, on the spot decision making, social skills, and so on. For the most part, I recommend a ‘set and forget’ approach. You can send a few messages from time to time and show interest in whatever way is appropriate for that platform, but if you spend more than 15 minutes/day doing it, you’re wasting time.

Feel free to contact me if you have additional questions.

Be A Self Made Man

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A few nights ago I was having a drink with my one of my buddies while talking business. He never went to college and barely graduated high school, yet here he is – roughly my age – making high 6 figures running his own multimillion dollar local cleaning business. A part of me is envious. He’s ‘made it’. He knows the hustle. Another part of me doesn’t want to trade in for his short stature, overweight frame, and ‘yes if drunk’ wife who’s entirely too high maintenance (quite literally a trophy wife, though she’s not much of a trophy), but that’s beside the point.

I can’t help but respect him. It takes balls to flip the bird to everything your parents, your friends, and society tells you and cut your own path. He said something so obvious, yet so succinct coming from someone who’s living it, that it stuck:

No one who ever worked hard and really cared didn’t succeed.

It really is that simple. Money, power, women, whatever you desire (happiness is a byproduct) – it’s a 2 step process.

  1. Find something you care about.
  2. Work hard at it.

There’s no need to complicate the purity of this maxim. What do you care about? Fuck what anyone says. What do you want?

We live in an unprecedented time of opportunity. There are tons of jobs everywhere. Some are less glorious than others and some pay more or less, but they’re available. A lot of businesses can be started with little to no up front expenses. Even more businesses are economies of scale. 99% of broke people are lazy and lack rudimentary financial discipline.

Women are everywhere and it’s easier than ever to connect with an unlimited supply. If you’re not ___ enough to get a date with her, work on getting into the next league while keeping your eyes open for a willing participant. If one crosses the line and disrespects you a little, remove yourself and let her come back after she’s had some time to think about it. If she doesn’t, so be it. If she really crosses the line, cut her off and find someone else. Relationships are give and take – just make sure it’s not you disproportionately giving.

If you’re out of shape you only have yourself to blame. Relatively healthy food is cheap. It’s only ‘too expensive to eat right’ if you compare Whole Foods to McDonald’s. Shopping at Costco is often cheaper per-calorie than any fast food joint. You can exercise for free. If you really don’t want to spend money on a gym membership (which is one of the best expenses there is), get some pushup handles, a pullup bar, and do a calisthenics routine.

Social prowess is a result of continuous practice. If you don’t know how to talk to women, go out there and start talking to them. If your job/lifestyle prevents it, change one (or both). Gaining status and becoming famous – to some degree – is a function of getting your name out there. People won’t just ‘know’ who you are unless you promote yourself.

In short, be a self made man. You don’t have to quit school or your job necessarily, but take the time to figure out what you like, what gives you energy and intensity and pursue that – the rest of the world be damned.

What Would Alpha Do?

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tyler-durden

As you’re going through the steps of realigning your personality with whatever ideal you aspire to, you’re likely to experience moments of confusion. Lots of them. In such situations – before the transformation is complete – you need a guiding beacon.

Without delving into the nitty gritty definition of what makes an alpha male, even a nebulous concept thereof can be judged on sight by both sexes. You may not be able to quite put your finger on why, but you just know if a guy is acting like an alpha or a fag. Beyond the rude awakening to the workings of the sexual marketplace, even a recovering beta knows how he should act. His challenge is the follow through.

So in moments of clinging weakness, ask yourself:

What would alpha do?

You’ll most likely get an answer you won’t like and it won’t always be correct, but even the ‘wrong’ path will be better than your initial course of action.

On top of that, doing so allows you to shift responsibility onto an imaginary persona. Sounds quack right? Not really. One of the hardest things to overcome after unplugging is cognitive dissonance. Past a certain extent we never get rid of it, as rationalization is a natural human coping/ego preservation mechanism, but the more you can subdue this impulse the clearer your mind will become.

From a logical standpoint, you won’t know exactly who you are during your transition, so an external guide is necessary. This guide is usually some combination of mentors, books, visual media, and firsthand observation – but it’s not always available. In those dire moments when you don’t know how to act, that nonexistent idealization of the man you want to be will have the answer. It’s better than the former ‘you’, but not quite the perfect ‘you’. It’s a ‘you in progress’. Do it enough times and you just might start becoming the very person you imagine.

Watch Fight Club if you haven’t. It’s a perfect example of this alpha/beta dichotomy with subsequent transformation and easily a top 10 movie.

Texting Tips

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Incessant texting is a disease, but in today’s climate some amount is required for maximum pussy profit. In no particular order, here are some general tips for getting the most out of the least:

  1. Always text less than her. This applies to all aspects of your relationship and texting is no exception. You can subtly display your higher value in texting less than she texts you. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic difference and if you have something to say – say it – but in general you should be able to scroll through your history and see more messages on the left.
  2. Don’t immediately respond. In most cases, there’s no reason to do so. Unless you’re meeting up and handling logistics (‘I’m lost, how do I get to your place?’), anything that’s not a clear, time sensitive emergency can wait. The longer the better, especially in heated situations. If she blows up on you about something – regardless if you’re at fault – let it simmer awhile. Girls always do this, so why should you act any different? Furthermore, waiting a little and checking how quickly she responds is a great way to gauge interest.
  3. Respond at random times. Corollary to the above, text when you feel like it. If you’re up at 3am, send your reply then. Or wait a day. Or 3. Obfuscation and unpredictability are the tools of the sexy seducer, so give her hamster something to chew on. If she questions why it took so long or why you’re sending it so late, you’ve succeeded. Ignore or make something up. Or just say ’cause I felt like it’.
  4. Keep responses short. Be laconic – less is more. Always explain less than asked. Never give full disclosure. Remain ambiguous. Proficiency here will come with time, but by keeping it short you’re A) signaling your higher relative value, B) showing her you’re a busy guy and have things to do with your life, and C) maintaining a little mystery by keeping the initiative.
  5. Don’t emote. No smiley faces. Ever. No emotes of any kind. Leave the overt display of emotions for the birds. Show her you care through actions, not buttons. On the same note, don’t wear pink.
  6. Don’t worry about clever responses. One of the best things about texting is that it gives you time to think about what to say. Most guys – especially those who aren’t interacting with attractive women regularly – get tongue tied when thrown for a loop, or even when a girl is nice to look at it. Like everything else it takes practice to get over, but until such a time the text buffer will help. That said, you don’t need to rack your brain for a witty comeback. Things that seem clever to you will often be misunderstood, so keep it simple.
  7. Don’t drunk text/dial unless it’s a guaranteed lay that night. I don’t know how many times I have to repeat this, but under no circumstance are you to initiate phone/text conversations when drunk. A couple beers in, sure. Drunk, no. There’s no game you can spit, nothing you can do that will further your cause in any way. The only exception is if you’ve either scheduled a lay for that night and are simply following through (‘hey I’m on my way’) or she drunk texts you. Then attempt to seal the deal that night, but absolutely no talk of feelings or any of that crap – you’re going to regret it in the morning.
  8. Don’t use other text-like apps/media. Recently other MMS-ish services like WhatsApp have been popping up. What they offer in extras is a hindrance in disguise. WhatsApp is distinctly different with its ‘seen at x:xx’ feature, much like Facebook messaging. This is another variable and more variables = bad. You don’t want her to know you’ve seen her message but decided to ignore it for 3 days. That’s a given. By extension, unless you have a very compelling reason, stay off Twitter as well. Facebook is sufficient for maintaining contact with people over the years.
  9. Use texting as a date scheduler. Your primary – and only consistent – use for texting is to set dates. When girls have ‘called me out’ for not texting, I tell them ‘I don’t like it. I prefer face to face.’ It’s really that simple. Contrary to popular belief, you’re not bonding or making her like you any more by constantly asking how her day is going. Leave that for the beta orbiters. Be the alpha she fucks instead.

‘Text game’ is extremely limited. Although exact figures vary, all interpersonal communication is roughly 55% physiology (body language), 38% tone of voice, and 7% words. When you text, only 7% of the message gets through. Not only that, but if your goal is to actually hang out, perpetual messaging is a waste of time that won’t bring you any closer. If you have to do it, keep it sparse and stay focused on the goal: physical interaction.

Finally, a lot of text ‘situations’ are very context dependent and require case-by-case handling. If you have any exchanges you’d like analyzed, comment below or shoot me an email.

Accept Your Mortality And Enjoy Life Now

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mortality

The one thing we choose to ignore on a daily basis is our own mortality. We all share the same fate. Not only that, but the reaper can come at any moment. Although freak accidents are rare, they do happen. A minor split second twitch of someone’s hand while driving can end your life. Think about that. The end of everything you know is all around you. Rather than disturb, it should provoke you to have some flippin fun.

This isn’t so much about ‘living every day like it’s your last’, but rather not deferring all enjoyment until a time you may not see. The key, then, is to strike an acceptable balance (to you) between hustling and making sacrifices now for greater rewards in an uncertain future and enjoying the day you were given.

In other words, avoid extremes and follow the 80-20 rule (80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes).

If we look at the qualities of the alpha male – looks, status, wealth, fame, game – we can begin to see obsessive patterns evolve. Take a look at yourself and realize when you’re diving too deep. It may be time to rebalance.

Looks

Having a great body is awesome. I’ve been seriously training for over a decade and have maintained sub-10% bodyfat with sufficient muscularity (well defined 6 pack) year round for over half that time along with nice arms. Girls go gaga over it, ‘looks matter’, and the health benefits are obvious, but I don’t compete. I’ll never compete. Why? Because it’s an extremity. The constant dieting, weighing of food, crankiness from lack of carbs, walking around with a gallon of water, hours doing exercises you hate, and often a complete sacrifice of certain foods and alcohol is too much.

To be fair, I have the utmost respect for competitors – especially the truly passionate – but it’s not for me. I get my protein, I train 5-6 days/week for about an hour, and I know my maintenance calories, but if I want to go out drinking or enjoy a pizza, I will. I might have to work a little extra later or wait before the next meal, but that’s an easy decision.

My point is, get your body right. It’ll take some time – usually a few years before it becomes a lifestyle and your metabolism is permanently altered – but getting too fixated on perfect proportions is unnecessary. You can still have a killer body and soak panties without sucking all the fun out of life. No one likes chicken and broccoli that much.

Wealth

Wealth generation is a very involved topic, so just picture the midlife crisis fat bald guy in his red Corvette. You don’t want that. What’s the use in having more money than you can spend if you’re socially inept, diabetic, unable to get any halfway attractive woman physically aroused, and likely to have a heart attack before 65?

By all means invest money now. You should have done it yesterday. It doesn’t even have to be an IRA; a simple 3 fund portfolio (total stock, bond, and international stock) that you contribute a least something to each paycheck will turn into a cash cow given enough time. Just set and forget. As long as you’re over 18 and have a bank account, there’s no excuse not to do it. 6-10% annual returns are common over a long enough timeline.

Be wary of your expenses, but there’s no need to give up everything just to save a buck. There’s a difference between never going out, or spending $2 on a pint at a local pub vs. $10 for a diluted Jack and Coke at a popular club. Want a ‘hot’ car? Get a used one, girls won’t know the difference and neither will most guys. Unless you have cash oozing out of your pores, a brand new whip is throwing away money, literally. It’s worth 25% less as soon as you drive it off the lot. Stuff like that.

Status/Fame

Status – a localized subset of fame – is a big deal. Being a contextual alpha will have girls fighting over which one gets to take you home, but it’s not the be all end all. If you have to give up too much to climb the ranks, perhaps it’s better to stay where you are while looking for another gig.

Bartending is a perfect example. It’s a fun job and you’re generally the high status figure (competition is the band, DJ, and any celebrity/athlete who walks in), but do you really want more than that? I’ve been offered bar manager positions, even hinted at general manager – and I respectfully declined. There’s no added benefit. The GM at my bar uses it as his playground to score girls (which male GM doesn’t?) and I still pull more tail because let’s face it – I’m cooler. As for the dough, he doesn’t make enough and this is only one of my (part time) jobs.

Chase the status, chase the fame, but keep things in perspective. The next level up may be too much sacrifice for too little benefit. If you’re not having fun in your current position, moving higher may not be the answer.

Game

The trap of game is the biggest trap of all, particularly for the newly unplugged. Once they see the power of symptoms (rather than core concepts) like eye contact, body language, kino, verbal teasing, cold-approach-day-game-number-grabbing, and the like, they go bananas. It’s fine for a little while – your brain needs to make the initial neural connections – but once that’s done take a chill pill.

You can still flirt and practice your social savvy on attractive women you interact with, but if you go out of your way too often, the extra notch or two won’t be worth the resulting time investment. Remember – if you focus on becoming more attractive, they’ll come to you anyway.

Do a cost analysis for everything in your life, find a balance, and enjoy what you have this very moment.